vacantwatchers
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ao3 dreaming of the pussy that's a cat nap taylah she/they
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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hey man can i dump a load into you real quick
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straigbt up "under it" and by "it" well lets jusr say, my blankeys
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A guy in an entomology group I'm in got a confirmed brown recluse bite because he felt something tickle his neck and brushed it off, accidentally mashing the spider against his skin. This is how almost all recluse bites happen since they're very very unaggressive. Anyway the bite was just a small nasty spot that cleared up on its own, but his hands and feet swelled up really bad. Then when the swelling went back down, all his calluses were loose and just fell right off leaving his hands and feet like brand new???????????
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if you're subscribed to Microsoft word, you probably received an email recently saying they're upping their prices. Like, a lot. ($9.99/month instead of $6.99)
guess what though? you can log into your account, click Cancel Subscription, and get the option to continue your subscription at the same price WITHOUT their bullshit AI.
That's right, the new, higher price is actually a different subscription that includes AI that everyone is being opted into by force! What a cool and fun product that clearly everyone wants.
you can also choose to buy Word 2024 without AI for a single lump sum that will be yours in perpetuity, with no updates, for one computer.
Check your subscription if you need Word for work! Don't get duped into paying for something you might not even want
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fun thing about herding and/or generally neurotic breeds: they are really good at following rules you have instituted, but they will also make their own Dog Rules they will follow stringently whether or not you like it
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favorite seat in the house
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tumblr flagged a post of a girl eating berries so fruit is for whores now reblog if youre a fruit eating whore
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This comic makes me so stupid emotional. She might have never known.
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The Last Dragon Slayer Part 2
Gosh! It has been far too long since I put out the first chapter (SEVEN WEEKS!!), so I definitely recommend rereading that!
Pt 1
In this we have Steffan and Edwin getting to know each other a bit.
~
Life was slow for Steffan for the first time in all his young years. He wanted for nothing. The dragon Edgewraith and by extension his servant, Edwin provided him everything he could ever want. Fine clothes, good food, and better company.
Edgewraith was witty and sardonic and Edwin was clever and wise.
Was it strange that the two were never in the same room at the same time? Of course it was. Steffan was not fooled. But he understood the need for it. After all, he was a former dragon slayer.
So Steffan quietly basked in the attention from both.
“Steffan?” Edwin called from the entrance to the cave. “Could you come help me with something?”
Steffan smiled from his place by the fire. He had been learning to whittle as something to do while his friend was away. He stood up and brushed the wood dust from his pants and walked to the entrance.
There next to Edwin were two large buck carcasses. They were beautiful and dried properly would last them all winter.
“Edgewraith did a fine job,” Steffan murmured and Edwin turned pink. “I’ll be happy to help you butcher them.”
They got to work, quickly stripping away the hide from the flesh and meat from the bone. “Why doesn’t the dragon butcher them with his claws? Surely he could make shift work of them.”
Edwin giggled. “Sure, if you want the hide rent into strips and the bones cracked into the meat. He’s great for killing and eating the beasts whole, not some much the precision of butchering.”
Steffan blinked for a moment and then nodded. “Point taken. Have you been with the dragon long?” He ducked his head to hide his smile and looked up at the other man through his eyelashes.
Edwin shoved his hair in front of his face to hide his blush and then realized his hands were covered in blood and other animal byproduct. “Oh gross!”
Steffan laughed and gently pulled off his gloves, careful not get anything on his hands. He grabbed a nearby bucket that had water in it for clean up. He cupped his hands and filled them with water. He brought the water over to Edwin and tenderly rinsed away the blood and guts.
“There you go,” he murmured. They were so close. Just a breath away from each other. Steffan wondered what it would be like to just. Let. Go.
Suddenly there was a blast from behind them of the local herald bringing the sheep to the bottom of the mountain.
Steffan stepped back and said softly, “I’ll go grab the sheep, you finish up here.”
Edwin nodded shyly and allowed Steffan to move past him. Edwin looked over his shoulder and watched as the former knight vanished over the hill.
By the time Steffan returned, the meat was curating and Edwin had cleaned himself and everything up.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t more help,” Steffan murmured, following Edwin through the caves with the three new sheep in tow. “And that comment about Edgewraith not doing the work was uncalled for.”
“It’s all right,” Edwin said with a shrug. “The work got done and it was a fair question. I know you meant no harm.”
“I’m glad, because no offense was meant.” Steffan let the sheep into the pen, joining their sisters in their bleating. “If you would like, I could make dinner as recompense.”
Edwin smiled. He had learned early on that Steffan was really good making good food that lasted a long time. “That would be wonderful.”
Steffan smiled back. “Do you think that I could go rabbit hunting tomorrow? Maybe even catch a few game birds.”
“Poaching on the king’s property?” Edwin teased. “Whatever shall you do next?”
Steffan grinned. “As if the farmers and shepherds don’t go a hunting on the king’s land,” he said with a scoff. “In fact I’ll ask one of the kids that like to try and sneak up the mountain for a peak at the dragon where the best game hunting is.”
Edwin cackled. “Those kids,” he said shaking his head. “They should be careful or Edgewraith will catch them and they’ll die of fright.”
“Of excitement, maybe,” Steffan teased back. “I saw one of them with a black kite the other day. Shaped like our dragon friend.”
Edwin turned pink again but this time there was nothing to stop him from shoving his hair in his face to hide his blush.
“That’s cute,” Edwin murmured. “But he is dangerous and these steep mountain hills just as. I’ll tell them off.”
Steffan snorted, shaking his head. “I’ve tried, perhaps you’ll fair better.”
Edwin grinned. “I know just the thing to dissuade them from climbing up the mountain.” He walked over to a chest and pulled out a small-ish box. It was old and battered, but clearly loved.
He opened it and Steffan peered around his shoulder to see inside. It’s filled with toys and old clothes, much too small for either of them.
“What’s all this then?” Steffan asked, curiously.
“These are for dress-up,” Edwin said simply, “children, no matter the age love dressing up. Times change the characters not the joy.”
Steffan smiled fondly. Edwin again spoke if he was older than his tender face belied. He hoped one day that Edwin would find the courage to tell him he was the dragon, but until then he would keep his friend’s secret.
“I’ve been whittling of late,” he said brightly. “Perhaps I could make toy swords and shields.”
Edwin’s eyes lit up. “That would be grand idea!” He grabbed Steffan by the wrist. “Come, I’ll show you where keep the best wood.”
Steffan laughed as he followed him to another portion of the cave.
“This is where I–” Edwin stopped with a blush. “where Edgewraith keeps the wood for making furniture and the like, the rest goes for kindling and firewood.”
The wood was beautiful. He went through the pile admiring the different kinds of wood. He looked back at Edwin. “Are you sure you wish me to use this for toys?”
Edwin nodded. “Of course. I won’t need it for some time, and I know where to get more. That’s the best part about living with a dragon, you can get far quickly and return.”
Steffan gathered up what he would need and then Edwin showed him where he could find the tools he would need.
“Living long sure has its perks,” Steffan teased. “Always learning new skills.”
Edwin frowned at him a moment. “What do you mean?”
Steffan blanched, realizing he had slipped up. He coughed and turned his head. “Being able to spot good wood from so high up, that must have taken Edgewraith quite some time to learn.”
Edwin blinked for a moment. “Oh! Right. Of course. I thought you had meant me. That would be silly.”
“Very,” Steffan said dryly. He stood up with his load. “It shouldn’t take me very long to finish these. They don’t have to be battle ready after all. Just balanced enough that children can play with them.”
“I’ll air out the clothes and see if any of the other props need fixing,” Edwin said, smiling brightly.
Steffan smiled back and let the excited man lead him back into the cave proper.
~
It took them two days and during those two days Edgewraith would perch at the bottom of the mountain on an outcropping, daring the children to try and climb up the mountain. But as the children were there to see him and so it’s really win/win.
Then Edwin and Steffan come down the mountain with their treasures. There are four children who come every day with a trio of girls who only come if they finish their chores in time.
Matthew likes to believe he’s the leader, but it’s Dylan. Laurus and Wymond kept out of that particular pissing match, content to just play. Laurus’s father was a Moor by way of Rome who had settled in the area and was too good a blacksmith for anyone to think twice about the color of his skin. Matthew and Wymond were sons of shepherds and Dylan was the son of a well known seamstress.
The girls were Eligia, Laurus’s little sister, Eliwen, the daughter of the king’s watch, and Morwen. Well, it was technically Morwenna, but she would bite you if you dared call her that. Her mother was a barmaid at one of the town’s taverns.
All the kids were there waiting to see the dragon. They were surprised to see not one, but two men coming down from the dragon’s cave.
“Has the dragon taken you prisoner?” Matthew asked. “Because we can help you escape if you want.”
“You can’t just ask if someone is a prisoner, Matthew!” Morwen huffed, smacking the back of the boy’s head.
Steffan and Edwin laughed. “No, we’re not prisoners,” Edwin promised. “We help the dragon do things that it cannot in exchange for protection and food and shelter.”
“Have you seen the dragon’s hoard?” Dylan asked excitedly, rubbing his hands together.
This time Morwen smacked the back of his head. “Were the lot of you raised in a barn? God. You’ll pardon these idiots. They have but one brain cell between them.”
Edwin cackled. “It’s all right.” He turned to Dylan. “I have see the dragon’s hoard, but not every dragon hoards gold and silver, and precious gems. What do you think the dragon, Edgewraith, hoards?”
“I bet it’s books!” Wymond said excitedly. “My mother is teaching me to read and do math. I know I would hoard books if I was a dragon,” he added wistfully.
“No!” Matthew huffed, crossing his arms. “I bet it’s the skulls of his enemies, like when he posted the head of the last dragon slayer!”
Steffan and Edwin shared a glance.
“That’s vulgar, Matthew!” Eliwen said. “Did your mother raise you in a barn?”
Matthew blinked at her a moment. “No, but I was raised in a pasture, does that count?”
Eliwen sputtered and stammered trying to get herself out of that one while the rest of the children laughed.
Steffan decided to take the attention off the poor girl and brought forth their prizes. “Come see what we brought you.”
All the kids swarmed the trunk and gasped when Edwin opened it with flourish. There were dresses and robes and capes of all shapes and sizes. Crowns, tiaras, rods, and wands were littered among the swords and shields Steffan had made.
“This will be for your use,” Edwin explained. He held up one finger. “On the condition you don’t go climbing that mountain to see the dragon. He’ll still come and visit on occasion, but every day, either Steffan or I or both will bring the trunk down for you to play with. And then when the sun begins to set, we’ll take it back up so that it doesn’t get ruined by the elements.”
All children agreed to the terms. And they tore the box with all the thrill and excitement they had in their little bodies.
Then Edwin and Steffan sat back to watch over their play.
~
Steffan enjoyed his time in the afternoons with the children. He would do the chores in the morning with Edwin, watch the children in the afternoon, and then spend the evening with the dragon.
Sometimes Edwin would come with him, but most of the time, he would stay in the cave. Steffan knew that this was when he would transform back into a dragon to hunt and search for supplies.
Steffan was stoking the fire to make bread when Edwin came in, startling the former knight. An ember sparked from stove landing on his leg.
“Steffan!” Edwin cried, “Your leg!”
“Oh!” Steffan cried, pulling the ember off his leg and tossing it into the fire. He brushed out the small flame in his pants with a sigh. “I liked these pants, for goodness sake.”
Edwin hurried over to him and checked his leg. But there was no mark at all. “Are you not hurt? Did it not burn?”
Steffan ducked his head to hide the flush of shame that darkened his cheeks. “A father’s blessing to the son he gave away. He made it so that Dragon’s Fire would never burn me. It has some rather unfortunate side effects.”
“Like not knowing you’re on fire?” Edwin asked with raised eyebrows. “That is pretty incredible. But seriously, you’re not hurt?”
Steffan smiled at Edwin. “Truly, I am not hurt. Just a pair of ruined pants is all. Maybe later, I’ll cut them up for scraps.”
“If that is what you wish,” Edwin said, “but how goes the baking?”
“Well,” Steffan huffed a bit of laughter, “other than setting myself on fire, it’s going pretty good. I was about to put the first loaf in.”
Edwin looked at the fire for a moment and cocked his head to the side as he considered it. “I’d wait another five minutes and then it’ll be perfect.”
Steffan stood up and cocked his head to side curiously. “Did the dragon teach you how to do that trick? Knowing how hot the fire is?”
He hoped this would be the opportunity Edwin needed to admit he was Edgewraith. But no.
“Something like that,” he said with a snort derision. “I’ll go bring you more firewood to keep the heat up.”
Steffan shook his head fondly as Edwin walked away muttering to himself about being more careful. He sighed and stoked the fire again. Then at the five minute mark, he put the bread into the oven.
~
Tag List: FIVE SLOTS REMAINING
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2- @gregre369 @a-little-unsteddie @cryptid-system @kultiras @themoonagainstmers
3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog
4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @dreamercec @blondie1006
5- @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @genderless-spoon @fearieshadow @thesecondfate
6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman
7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth
8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss
9- @wheneverfeasible @notaqueenakhaleesi @stripey82 @estrellami-1 @irregular-child
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authors!!
once again, go to AO3, click on your dashboard, click on statistics, press all years and tell me your total number of kudos?
#9547#2.2k of that came from bambi bc i got in right at the beginning of the steddie hype and nothing has done numbers like that since
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i am so absolutely utterly scared that my insane grandfather in his 80s who runs miles every morning is going to leave me a bird in his will and i am especially scared he is going to leave me a large cockatoo named "captain hook". hook has been trying to make me his child bride since i was like 6 years old and every time i see him again which has only been a couple times with decades in between hook is like "you. it's always been you. ever since you were born i've known we were meant to be" captain hook you are a bird and i am a LESBIAN and i don't WANT an eternal sentinel captain HOOK!!!!!!!
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