uv-exposure
I like the sun
The sun doesn't like me, so I hide
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Okay, so now what?
#I leave you all for TWELVE HOURS#And everything's falling apart#this is why we can't have nice things
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How far can you be apart from your SO before you consider it a long-distance relationship?
#Like I know people who think like 50 miles is long distance#But others drive 10 hours one way every weekend and don't think they're long-distance because they see each other so often
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Lies
#Upgrades people#UPGRADES!#Why be you when you can be NEW?#It'll only cost you an arm and a leg#Yes I cuddle with the legs too#And if you're thinking you're getting them back#No#They're mine now
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Same though. Then I graduated to watching American ninja warrior and thinking the same thing
#My toxic trait is#Okay but some of those courses like#Weren't too terrible?#But I'm sure they were really hard
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Are you stalking me?
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I occasionally remember that here in the US, cannibalism isn't actually illegal. It's the process of getting the meat that's typically illegal because most of the time to get meat something has to die/be killed and that's not usually legal if you're looking for some cannibalism on some random Tuesday
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Remember when pants with zip-off legs were a thing? Like the bottom half of the legs would detach with zippers and then you'd be wearing shorts? I think we need to bring them back
#At least for spring#Because it's too cold in the morning then too hot in the afternoon#So I'm like stuck dying of heat stroke unless I just hide at work for like 10 hours waiting for it to cool down#And I'm not about that overtime life#Zipoff pants#Give me some shorts#But like only sometimes#Nobody knows#They're not gonna know#How would they know
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"I like when you fart. It makes me horny"
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*gentle snoring occasionally interrupted by aggressive snoring*
#My spouse sleeptalks#I don't sleep#I scribe#Sleep is for the weak#I am the weak#Sleep is for me#Can I has?
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"I can take a look at it for you, because I'm a nurse." (is not, nor has ever been, a nurse)
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"Sasquatch doesn't have time for your sh*t. He's on a tight schedule"
#My spouse sleeptalks#sasquatch#I don't sleep#busybigfoot#He's on a tight schedule#No context#Like no#There was no context#It just happened like that
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