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Just wanna check if tumblr let me post an image.

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April 14th. 2025

Got my period today.

First of all, it's hella painful this time. My body is against me today.

Second, I checked my calendar and noticed that twice since September last year the cycle was more than 50 days. And if I recall correctly it was when I felt especially low spirits and didn't have enough energy.

Well that's interesting.

Was not productive at work.

Painkillers didn't help much with muscle pain and overall dizziness.

So I spent some time researching places in the city I'll spend vacation in.

At home I had dinner and napped miserably full of pain.

This week I want to attempt some crafts, do my nails, plan my vacation. On the weekend I have a meeting with my friend planned.

We'll see how this will turn out.

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April 13th, 2025.

Uh okay, so I've got a problem it seems.

We went to an old-timer automobiles exhibition with a friend of mine.

It was a nice experience. Apart from the place being rather crowded everything else was rather pleasing.

Though looking back I understand that I was stiff and bland and didn't express to much emotions regarding the experience.

I think it's because I feel ashamed if I express sympathy towards something that I can consider shameful. I.e. if the thing is considered not the best one by the experts or my acquaintance that I think is more competent than me.

I don't like this revelation.

Had a lovely lunch at Korean BBQ place, cup of matcha latte, took some pictures.

Discussed the vacation in May.

Lost track of time and took the last train to my town.

It was really hard to fall asleep but I guess it's because of the upcoming period.

Overall the day was nice.

Some things about me we learned. Gotta think about them later.

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April 12th, 2025

Well actually it was a great Saturday.

I cleaned up my space, I organised some shelves, took a silly picture of my doll for an insta story, I mended a lot of clothes.

We ordered pizza for lunch.

I re-deyed my hair.

Didn't do any yoga tho and my whole body is craving some scratching but it's too late now and I still have some other stuff to do.

The goal is to wake up earlier tomorrow to stretch in the morning.

We'll see how will it go.

Tumblr app doesn't want to upload any photos for some reason so no pics.

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Tumblr failed to save drafts several times.

That's nice, that's totally fine.

What is also nice is that it snows two days in a row here.

I am tired of this, I don't like going outside.

I sleep too much. It's so easy to talk myself into treating myself by a late evening nap turning into a night sleep.

I understood that I need this to be a journaling kind of thing.

I woke up to messages from my colleagues, scheduled some stuff to do when I come to work.

Arrived to the office late due to the snow, traffic, absolutely disgusting April outside.

Did work that I was procrastinating on for several days. As usual there was no need for it, but the creature inside me is so against doing my tasks with no deadline stress.

Went to a cafe for lunch. The salad was divine. I am a bit disappointed that I didn't try it earlier as it is a Seasonal meal and will be out in a week.

By the end of my shift the snow started melting which can mean that it indeed will be more or less warm on Sunday.

Didn't crave sweets too much today. That's a win for me.

Had a horrible headache in the evening so...

Hope Saturday will be... I don't know. Will be.

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Okay I failed all of this thing.

March, 12 ('25)

I wanted it to be a place of everyday snaps and thoughts.

And I forgot about it.

I was seeking the ways to make a toyish thingy. Tried couple of craft ideas.

Failed miserably.

And that's perfectly okay.

I don't craft too much so it was expected.

But this day I stumbled upon a nice way to make this little creature.

Bought materials and hoped to attempt some craft the same day but didn't.

But overall I'm feeling more or less okay.

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Sometimes I oversleep a little and think that I won't meet other people walking their dogs that usually walk their dog the same time as me.

But nevertheless we walk at the same time.

It's like we all get our inner timers jammed at the same time.

March, 11 ('25)

While I was thinking about what makes humans real in my eyes I came up with some kind of explanation.

For me it's having and expressing personal preferences and taste.

Well that's kinda obvious you may say.

I'm too bright when it comes to understanding human stuff I will answer.

And the thing is not even that I don't have any personal preferences. Quite the opposite.

But I see two main problems:

1. I may be a people pleaser. I chose what others don't like so that they can get, what they want. I agree to anything my friends offer so that they be comfortable. If i offer something I stress about them being displeased.

2. I got used to being embarrassed for what I like.

WELP.

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I started this thing to feel alive.

March, 10 ('25)

It's strange because I can't say that I live miserable life.

My life is nice.

I've got mortgage, work, friends, hobby.

I just feel like a synthetic thing. Like there is not enough emotions and feelings inside me.

When I meet my friends I have fun but after that I feel like that fun was induced by other people. Like I don't have that inside me.

I scroll blogs in my feed and see people behind them. I see photos of people.

All of them are full of life.

Meanwhile I am not.

I'm a concrete slab.

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Met with a friend.

March, 9 ('25)

We visited three exhibitions. All of them were horrible.

That doesn't happen all the time, but alas.

The good thing is that I took some pictures of my figurine.

Not to mention the fact that it's always good to meet with a friend.

(Do I honestly think so?)

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We had guests.

March 8 ('25)

I cleaned my space a little.

Planted tangerine seeds into the flower pot (spoiler: on Sunday I noticed mold in that pot).

Nothing special.

Dyed my hair lilac and feel amazing about it.

I look at photos of me and I really like what I see.

Growing out pixie and dyeing it back to [literally any] colour was a great decision.

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No morning self-deprecating thoughts this time.

March 7('25)

Received several letters in the morning that had some good news workwise.

Work finally gets more erratic and I get that feeling that I'm a boulder surrounded by feral river stream. And I enjoy it with my whole shivering body and soul.

I now that there is a business trip somewhere in near future and at the same time I have the inhuman urge to dye my hair lilac.

My hair is in horrible state now: I'm in the middle of the growing out my bleached pixie and I (you guessed it right) hate it.

Dyeing would help me for sure but I don't now if I would have any issues with me being me when at the factory.

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What I noticed is that I think that everyone is whimsical creatures while I'm a down to earth normie.

Well that's me being poisoned by socials for sure.

Also I feel like I focus on negative (?) things in my day.

Okay maybe not necessarily negative but stuff that is not too pleasant.

March 6 ('25)

I woke up slightly early that didn't help me.

Mostly because I woke up with pain curling between my shoulder blades.

It comes and goes for the last two months which also adds to my weird state.

I worked my office job, I wrote couple emails, talked to several people.

I went to the café to have lunch.

Hated this experience but finished it nonetheless.

Scrolled Pinterest for some references and saw a photo and thought to myself that wait a sec I have a boat (yacht?) miniature.

It is in a perfect mint condition and I hate it.

You see I hate lots of things.

So the boat is hideously new.

And I now want to use my cursed hands and some acrylic to make it less new, more real and weathered.

For the last couple of weeks I read short stories by modern Russian writers and feel like this is what I want to be.

Not the writer nor the character but something in-between.

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Okay so the thing is I don't feel like a complete living person.

I'm more like a poorly written NPC than a real human being.

I know that it's not true and is just my silly brain doing his silly tricks on me.

So the goal is to document my everyday life to show myself that I in fact am a well designed character.

March 5 ('25)

I start my day later then I should.

I wake up at 6:15 and walk my old pug. She's a nice lady but sometimes I think that life would be easier without this routine.

Everyday I think that I should do some simple stretching in the morning but I just can't make myself to start.

As spring approaches the sun rises earlier each day and I finally can enjoy hysterical pink dawns.

Work days are all more or less the same and I try to find some novelty by changing the way I commute.

Though it's hard to talk myself into it these cold rainy days.

I managed to do it that day. Regretted every second of it and felt unpleasant.

I want to be productive at home after work but there're also some problems with motivation.

So no late night pics for me this time.

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Hey.

Here's my ig where there are fancy shmancy pictures taken by me.

Here's the ig where I post even more fancy pictures of my dolls and figures.

This blog is a place for my me.

I shoot with Sony a6000 (with various vintage lenses), Fujifilm xf10, Sony nex n3 (full spectrum) and my good old OnePlus 12.

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realizing that sticking to the "do it bad" "do it scared" mentality implies theres also a "do it bored"

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Okay, I like this one a lot too 👀

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Took this pic this Friday and feeling hella good about it.

No harsh retouch, just fog and storm outside the window.