utility-knife

[utility-knife]

Okay I failed all of this thing.

March, 12 ('25)

I wanted it to be a place of everyday snaps and thoughts.

And I forgot about it.

I was seeking the ways to make a toyish thingy. Tried couple of craft ideas.

Failed miserably.

And that's perfectly okay.

I don't craft too much so it was expected.

But this day I stumbled upon a nice way to make this little creature.

Bought materials and hoped to attempt some craft the same day but didn't.

But overall I'm feeling more or less okay.

[utility-knife]

Sometimes I oversleep a little and think that I won't meet other people walking their dogs that usually walk their dog the same time as me.

But nevertheless we walk at the same time.

It's like we all get our inner timers jammed at the same time.

March, 11 ('25)

While I was thinking about what makes humans real in my eyes I came up with some kind of explanation.

For me it's having and expressing personal preferences and taste.

Well that's kinda obvious you may say.

I'm too bright when it comes to understanding human stuff I will answer.

And the thing is not even that I don't have any personal preferences. Quite the opposite.

But I see two main problems:

1. I may be a people pleaser. I chose what others don't like so that they can get, what they want. I agree to anything my friends offer so that they be comfortable. If i offer something I stress about them being displeased.

2. I got used to being embarrassed for what I like.

WELP.

[utility-knife]

I started this thing to feel alive.

March, 10 ('25)

It's strange because I can't say that I live miserable life.

My life is nice.

I've got mortgage, work, friends, hobby.

I just feel like a synthetic thing. Like there is not enough emotions and feelings inside me.

When I meet my friends I have fun but after that I feel like that fun was induced by other people. Like I don't have that inside me.

I scroll blogs in my feed and see people behind them. I see photos of people.

All of them are full of life.

Meanwhile I am not.

I'm a concrete slab.

[utility-knife]

Met with a friend.

March, 9 ('25)

We visited three exhibitions. All of them were horrible.

That doesn't happen all the time, but alas.

The good thing is that I took some pictures of my figurine.

Not to mention the fact that it's always good to meet with a friend.

(Do I honestly think so?)

[utility-knife]

We had guests.

March 8 ('25)

I cleaned my space a little.

Planted tangerine seeds into the flower pot (spoiler: on Sunday I noticed mold in that pot).

Nothing special.

Dyed my hair lilac and feel amazing about it.

I look at photos of me and I really like what I see.

Growing out pixie and dyeing it back to [literally any] colour was a great decision.

[utility-knife]

No morning self-deprecating thoughts this time.

March 7('25)

Received several letters in the morning that had some good news workwise.

Work finally gets more erratic and I get that feeling that I'm a boulder surrounded by feral river stream. And I enjoy it with my whole shivering body and soul.

I now that there is a business trip somewhere in near future and at the same time I have the inhuman urge to dye my hair lilac.

My hair is in horrible state now: I'm in the middle of the growing out my bleached pixie and I (you guessed it right) hate it.

Dyeing would help me for sure but I don't now if I would have any issues with me being me when at the factory.

[utility-knife]

What I noticed is that I think that everyone is whimsical creatures while I'm a down to earth normie.

Well that's me being poisoned by socials for sure.

Also I feel like I focus on negative (?) things in my day.

Okay maybe not necessarily negative but stuff that is not too pleasant.

March 6 ('25)

I woke up slightly early that didn't help me.

Mostly because I woke up with pain curling between my shoulder blades.

It comes and goes for the last two months which also adds to my weird state.

I worked my office job, I wrote couple emails, talked to several people.

I went to the café to have lunch.

Hated this experience but finished it nonetheless.

Scrolled Pinterest for some references and saw a photo and thought to myself that wait a sec I have a boat (yacht?) miniature.

It is in a perfect mint condition and I hate it.

You see I hate lots of things.

So the boat is hideously new.

And I now want to use my cursed hands and some acrylic to make it less new, more real and weathered.

For the last couple of weeks I read short stories by modern Russian writers and feel like this is what I want to be.

Not the writer nor the character but something in-between.

[utility-knife]

Okay so the thing is I don't feel like a complete living person.

I'm more like a poorly written NPC than a real human being.

I know that it's not true and is just my silly brain doing his silly tricks on me.

So the goal is to document my everyday life to show myself that I in fact am a well designed character.

March 5 ('25)

I start my day later then I should.

I wake up at 6:15 and walk my old pug. She's a nice lady but sometimes I think that life would be easier without this routine.

Everyday I think that I should do some simple stretching in the morning but I just can't make myself to start.

As spring approaches the sun rises earlier each day and I finally can enjoy hysterical pink dawns.

Work days are all more or less the same and I try to find some novelty by changing the way I commute.

Though it's hard to talk myself into it these cold rainy days.

I managed to do it that day. Regretted every second of it and felt unpleasant.

I want to be productive at home after work but there're also some problems with motivation.

So no late night pics for me this time.

[utility-knife]

Hey.

Here's my ig where there are fancy shmancy pictures taken by me.

Here's the ig where I post even more fancy pictures of my dolls and figures.

This blog is a place for my me.

I shoot with Sony a6000 (with various vintage lenses), Fujifilm xf10, Sony nex n3 (full spectrum) and my good old OnePlus 12.

[utility-knife]

realizing that sticking to the "do it bad" "do it scared" mentality implies theres also a "do it bored"

[utility-knife]

Okay, I like this one a lot too 👀

[utility-knife]

Took this pic this Friday and feeling hella good about it.

No harsh retouch, just fog and storm outside the window.

[utility-knife]

Have a new camera for a couple of days now and I have

zero

regrets. Not even one.

It's unreal how this small thingy manages to make pictures this cool.

The quality is chef's kiss.

The amount of details? Unholy.

Well now i fully understand the craze around Fuji cameras.

[utility-knife]

Decided

to get a new camera.

Welp.

During the last 12 months I've got several lenses, low-fi kids camera (adopted by my friend this year cause I failed to understand what I want to do with it), 2 film cameras + loaded film into the film camera I've already owned.

I enjoyed lenses.

I changed my style a bit.

But after all this didn't change my attitude towards photography nor gave me any kind of boost.

Yet today I'm buying a new camera.

Oh well.

It's a rather interesting one tho.

Am I searching for excuses? 100%

Will stop? No

[utility-knife]

How

do I fit urban fantasy into a cyberpunk setting?

Originally my dolls live in the not_so_distant future. I have lot's of robots, those who are not visibly robots are either cyborgs or humans taking care of robots.

Do I really need to squeeze non_robotic fantasy guys in there? Hell no. Do I want to? Sure.

That's why I decided that there will be a group of characters who are actually a result of a bug inside the robots' neural networks which led to them seeing things. And currently things are Zhnets and Hton'.

Zhnets is a Studio Uoo New bone walker. They also need a redesign stylewise, cause sneakers and sweatshirt are definately no the vibe I am looking for them.

But overall they're adorable reaper.

Hton' is a creature. Not sure what they are but they're friendly local entity.

So robots in my story started seeing them. And just accepted it. Whoa that's an attitude we all need.

[utility-knife]

Totally failed my plan yesterday. Nothing new.

But stumbled upon this chonky boi and feel like my Hton' might enjoy having a nice sheep. It looks supernatural enough for my liking. Additionally the character may use the wool to knit stuff and it's a rather traditional craft in my area. Welp.

[utility-knife]

I've got really weird result of playing with my shift-ring.

I decided to shoot only with my sony+industar+(tilt)shift ring for the day. Mostly I'm not too disappointed with the results, but this one.

Ohh this one is strange.

Focus is all over the place. Focus is a mystery. Focus is overrated.

The idea is there but even looking at this mess of a bokeh and sharpness chaos makes my eyes hurt.

That's sad.

But that's a lesson.