userzara

[userzara]

Damaged people fuck, laugh and drink harder.

(via annies-little-blog)

[userzara]

              “with that pose it makes you look like the EASIEST whore in all of austin so you totally have that will-put-anything-in-my-mouth look going on just great, babes. hand me the camera and i’ll make you look like a fucking PLAYBOY bunny, tad more classy.”

“Does this look say DESTROY me or let me step on you with my stiletto? I gotta update my Tinder pics. Let my followers have MORE for their spank bank. How can I say, let me gag on your dick without actually SAYING it?”

[userzara]

( @horrcrphile )

                 from one prison to another, zara felt a heavy weight on her shoulders being back in austin. she had no prospect, she was stuck working a graveyard shift at one of the various gas stations this city had to offer and was currently living in one of the shittiest apartments with an old contact of hers. it fucking blows. they were done dwelling on it though, knowing that sooner or later she’ll be driven up the walls going insane with how mundane her life has and will become, itching for something more but fhaving ucked all her chances with this new record tied around her ankles. still, zara will make the most of it, one thing she’s good at is getting her way and it’s been a good damn while before she cracked her knuckles and did what she did best. the first thing on her checklist: getting something incredibly personal back from her notorious ex-boyfriend; jett. 

standing in front of his tattoo parlor and cocking her head to the side as she took in the sight she realized that this is a very important moment, facing the person she blames for being caught and wasting her time on and overall feeling -- nothing. her chest was empty for him, whatever delusional care she had for him had vanished that night they got into the second worst fight zara’s been in. this emptiness is enough for her to push the door open, the little bells alerting that someone has come in. “honey,” she drawled in a sickly sweet voice, making her presence known by taking up the entire room she’s frequent so often before, “i’m home!”

[userzara]

               "You missed it. Some fucking old geezer just shoved her damn bible down my throat. Tried ignoring them for a good five minutes and even lit up a smoke but they wouldn’t budge so I did what any civilized person would do.” Zara paused, taking a quick drag from her cigarette. “Told her God was cool and all but Satan does that thing with his tongue -- shit’s gross I know but give me a goddamn break, I have to work the graveyard shift tonight and she was putting me in an prissy mood.”

[userzara]

[userzara]

hey guys, it’s dani (-: i play elise too and this is my brand new child and i’m super stoked for them !! OKAY so this became longer than i thought it was going to be, practically their bio but the first two sections is background, it’s not until you get to ‘recent years/now’ that it’ll get to zara’s main point. um, right TWs: drugs, minor death. 

did i just see DUA LIPA walking down sixth street ?! oh, wait, it’s just ZARA SERAFIN, the 22 year old DEMIGIRL CASHIER/DEALER who has a reputation for being  SNARKY AND MANIPULATIVE but STREETSMART AND STEADFAST. let’s hope THEY/SHE prepared to take on the wild ride that is austin, texas. 

okay where do i begin, basically zara is inspired by alex vause as well as a variety of songs by phora ( check him out he’s great ) + an old character of mine that i never truly developed. so, to be frank, she’s a mess.com. i love her though, a lot and i’m going to try to break her down without writing an eight page essay mla format, so! here we go. 

BEFORE AUSTIN, TEXAS. 

zara comes from los angeles, california. the downtown area specifically, not the best area to grow up in but it was home and she never focused on how bad her city was doing because, for starters she only lived there until she was ten years old and the only thing on her mind is her friends. 

her parents divorced when she had turned eight years old, her dad wasn’t the best at commitment to his wife, he absolutely adored zara but settling down just hadn’t been his thing and he left. he kept in touch, briefly. at first, zara understood why he left, he was tired but he loved her so it was okay. but those calls slowly stopped happening until he stopped calling completely and she stopped waiting for them. it was one of the worst heartbreaks she’s faced. 

at ten years old, her mother remarried and they packed up everything to move to austin, texas with her new boyfriend that practically came out of nowhere. he wasn’t zara’s favorite person, in fact she felt betrayed and angry that he was now sitting where her dad used to sit and was taking over. her mother had two kids with this new guy and zara loves her siblings but she still holds a deep grudge for the guy who swept her mother up and ruined her life by moving to fucking texas. dramatic, sure but her friends were all in l.a and she had to start new. 

EARLY YEARS IN AUSTIN, TEXAS ( 10-18 ).

at first she didn’t want to make new friends, sulking became a thing. zara was supposed to loathe this place in hopes that if they didn’t make any friends they’ll pack up and move back to los angeles where she belongs. spoiler alert: that never happened and it dawned on her that this is her life now 

middle school approached and she knew she couldn’t face these coming years alone. it was hell, appearances were something they couldn’t give a shit about, sticking solely to wearing a signature black hoodie all the time, heavy eyeliner in attempt to make herself look tough but instead it got the label ‘basketcase’ stuck on her aka those mean blonde texas girls with the drawls and ‘my momma says…’ etc lmao.

POINT IS, near the end of sixth grade she got into fight with the girl who tried to torment her, finally snapping they fought in the quad of the school and zara let out of suppressed emotions and kicked her ass in front of everyone until they were pulled apart and she felt pleased as heck when she saw she made Beauty Pageant bleeding because good, that’ll teach her to stop running her mouth 

this caught the attention of what teachers like to call the ‘troubled’ kids. when zara came back from her three day suspension (and did she get a yelling at home oh boy) they took her under their wing, zara’s already average grades started dropping by influence, she soon adopted some of their characteristics and mannerisms, forging herself into something she wasn’t seeking their approval because holy fuck these people were great. hanging out every friday at the movie theaters, loitering at the ages of thirteen/fourteen in the streets feeling like kings of the city, it became addicting 

eventually this group formed into some of the ‘popular’ kids, no not the prom king and queen type of thing but they had a name for themselves. especially in HIGH SCHOOL. things started to get heavier, hanging out at the movie theaters turned into going to ragers, to trying weed for the first time, alcohol and zara fucking loved feeling rebellious and indulging in this new-found freedom. her first kiss was a drunk one and she wouldn’t be able to tell you who it was because she doesn’t remember, she just needed her first kiss because everyone was kissing everyone 

her home life didn’t get any better. she started to come home later or the next day. her grades were shit but zara didn’t care. 

soon enough weed turned to lsd. sophomore year became the year she lost her virginity to a guy that was feeling her up at a party, she didn’t care for him, she wasn’t attracted to him but all her friends were non-virgins and so she had to be too. she didn’t give a fuck with who only that it would be over quick and onto the next one. still, the first time left her feeling…weird. they didn’t enjoy it but, she thought it had to be done. not the best mentality to have. 

zara starter ditching school, making new friends with people they met at parties, picking them down the street from their high school. they had drugs, they held the key to a good time. these were…bad people for her. dealers that lured her into their world of easy cash and a fucking good time. they knew they were attractive, still growing into their body and they knew they could munch off of them. most of this was junior year and it’s still a shock her grades kept her in school. 

senior year they hardly showed up. senior year she saw someone die before her. it was one of the guys that provided whatever drug or bottle of alcohol she needed and it was an accident witnessing it. at this rate, zara went days without going home and they were on their way to the semi empty gas station for a drink before finally going home when she saw her friend through the window across the street and, it was a deal gone wrong and a gunshot broke through the chilly night causing her to drop her orange gatorade and spilling it all over the floor before she ran out of the store across the street and, well it didn’t really leave her the same. 

somehow she managed to graduate high school but barely. she felt lost but still indulged herself in bad habits throughout that last year, still free-loading off others, tricking people into doing stuff for her. sleeping with whoever the hell she wanted to fuck. just throwing herself into whatever she could. 

RECENT YEARS/NOW ( 19-22 ) 

at nineteen she was still lost, she didn’t know what she wanted to do. school was out of the question, she hated work but still did odd jobs, for a while they worked at a laundromat, taking care after the place. she still went to parties/clubs, snuck into bars. flirted with all the pretty faces and put on her faux personality. tbh zara is a goddamn two-face. 

ANYWAYS at nineteen she got caught with a gram of heroin by the police. the authorities were called when a party had started getting out of control and they arrested as many people as they could, among them: zara. charged guilty of drug possession, and since her parents couldn’t pay bail, she ended up doing 2 years of prison. two long years in the slammer. 

that was something. it didn’t hit zara that her life choices had her end up in prison until her first night in the women’s ward.  she didn’t cry until she was locked in a bathroom stall and that was the only time. those were the longest days of her life. she met people in there, good and bad. avoided getting into brawls and picked up a book here and there. in my head she had a relationship with someone in there, but not really? frequent fwbs, exclusive. zara doesn’t label shit, she gets bored and, just like her first time, on to the next. honestly help her.

NOW TWENTY-TWO and her parents aren’t welcoming her back. she isn’t allowed to see her siblings, her family hadn’t visited her at all during those two years. her mother only came once but it was short since she couldn’t beat the fact that her baby was in prison, blaming herself and asking where she went wrong in raising her. 

thankfully she had one single friend ( since i have a feeling not a lot of people kept in touch with her after she got arrested; connections anyone ?? and also connection for that ONE friend ) who hooked her up with a job to get her back on her feet but old habits die hard, working at a gas station just isn’t cutting it and is currently getting into the dealing game with her old contacts. 

in my head it’s been like, two weeks since she’s been out. back in the city and ready for Drama. 

SO YEAH THIS IS IT, WOW THAT WAS LONG IM SORRY !! wow i realized i haven’t really incorporated the alex vause thing apart from being in prison but personality wise i mean yeah, anyway !! hmu for those plots please and thank you !! or like this and i’ll come sliding into your ims !! (-: 

[userzara]

[userzara]

[userzara]

[userzara]

–but no no no I DON’T WANT TO BE LOVED, I DON’T WANT TO BE FORGIVEN, LET ME REDEFINE GOD INTO SOMETHING I CAN BECOME

from TELL ME WHAT COLOR THE SUN REALLY IS // h. yenna kim 

[userzara]