uselesssquid

[uselesssquid]

coherent people are the worst..like stop making sense for one fucking second. say some nonsense every once in a while. literally so boring if i can understand every word you say like shut up or say some dumb shit i swear to god

[uselesssquid]

Blue Collar Joke

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough” more or less, had adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars “pay” she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied: “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”

“Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”

The little girl replied, “I will if those lazy assholes from Lowe’s ever deliver the goddamn drywall.”

Click here for a random joke!

[uselesssquid]

do you ever use a pen and you’re just blown away by how smoothly it glides across the page and how the ink flows out so beautifully like tears of jesus or something

[uselesssquid]

[uselesssquid]

[uselesssquid]

uhhhh medium fries with cheese pls

[uselesssquid]

anatomy of a doggo

[uselesssquid]

animal snaps

[uselesssquid]

[uselesssquid]

hiding from responsibilities like

[uselesssquid]

[uselesssquid]

ghost in the house: GET OUT. I WILL TAKE YOU-

real estate agent: chill, its me.

ghost: oh hey. have you sold it yet.

real estate agent: obviously NOT, idiot.

[uselesssquid]

animal snaps

[uselesssquid]

[uselesssquid]

sensible part of brain: you made enough pasta that you could take it for lunch tomorrow. put it in a container.

overwhelming majority of brain: shovel the pasta into your face. do it. put it in your face. the future is meaningless but the pasta is now.

[uselesssquid]

[uselesssquid]

the deep thoughts of cookie monster