upperthird

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discord is bunrabbit.

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THE WORST PART IS HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DID WRONG INITIALLY. EVEN BEFORE HE STARTED KILLING, HE KNEW IN HIS HEART HE'D FAILED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT PUSHED HIM TO START DESTROYING LIVES!!!!!!!!!!! HE KNEW HE WAS TOO FAR GONE FROM HIS FIRST HEARTBEAT AS A DEMON, EVEN WHEN HE COULDN'T RECALL SPECIFICS. JUST THINK ABOUT THAT.

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truly the way akaza sees himself as fallen too far. he's delved too deep into a wickedness that he believes he can't be rescued from. he sees himself as irredeemable; a monster beyond definition.

he sees himself as worse than doma. worse than kokushibo. worse than muzan. he acts out because he cannot be saved.

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and he laughs, full of dread he viciously fought against, “——hah! you don’t know anything!”

“—so stop pretending!”

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and the worst part of it all, was that akaza knew not of what he wanted. spending the entirety of the life he did remember was spent in service to muzan, and he was sure he was doing something right. even if it was only efficiency, that was beneficial to someone — and he clung to the notion of being able to give to someone.

anyone.

“...you’re not a god,” he can’t help but be brutally honest, bordering on retaliating at her (in vicious need to take away from his own pain), “—you can’t rescue me.”

"--he steals such things away," for she knows from far too much experience. Even her expression becomes sympathetic, "...before my curse were broken, I thought I recalled my past well, but came to learn that he had mangled my memories to use them against me." Manipulated even from within her own mind: nothing were safe, to her very cells she had been nothing more than a tool.

Urge to shield, to protect--but she keeps it at bay. "I'm not certain, how to lead your curse to break beyond telling you of my own, but you will be safe from him if you remain here."

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and a long stretch of silence befalls the two; awkward and uncomfortable. sometimes akaza was prone to black outs, where he’d simply act on instinct — the instinct was usually violent. anxiously, he shifts from one foot to the other.

“...i wish you didn’t have to experience things like this,” a moment of vulnerability, before in one swift moment, his arm was put back into place, “—it doesn’t make any sense.”

"It's okay," the reassurance is easy to give, for despite the pain thrumming through him, Yoriichi is not truly upset. He knows Akaza didn't mean to, and he doesn't wish for him to feel any guilt for an accident no less. "--I have felt more pain, so please do not worry. I know I'll be able to handle it."

Indeed, Yoriichi takes a soft breath and closes his eyes: mentally preparing himself but otherwise unfussed. It must be done.

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and tenseness seems to leave him. good — ko did not suspect him. not that there was any reason to, no. truth be told, the vase seemed to be intact one second and broken the next — perhaps it was a bad omen...?

“——what do you think of it?” he asked him, “—some say it’s bad luck.”

"I did not claim... that it was you... who had."

Ko had stumbled upon Akaza staring at a broken vase. The demon had been asked to help move some boxes that were buried somewhere near his family's territory. The two had opened a box and found the vase broken.

"It must have broken when first buried."

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and there’s a notable pause from upper three. kokushibō knew them? metaphorical hackles flatten.

“—good,” an awkward clear of his throat — much too human for someone like him. internally, he already berates himself for showing such a weakness, “—she’s… kind. kinder than her husband deserves.”

“—but i can’t criticise her. she’s been considerate of me, too.”

-> They hadn't heard him come up behind them. They're sure that was innate on his part---if he had wanted them to hear him, they would have. Lyric shifts a basket settled on one hip filled with loquats, a lit lamp on one branch the only light just after sunset. They can't read kanji well, but the characters in his eyes are familiar to them, so they are careful when they speak. Quiet.

"I'm not interested in the religion of it, if that's what you're worried of."

-> A pause.

"... Miss Kokushibo... has been very considerate of me. I don't know much about this region, in whole, so it's been comforting."

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PROMPTS FOR CONFRONTATIONS & ARGUMENTS / what are you trying to prove? / @hizzashii

and there’s a vulnerable peep from akaza —— a breath, shivering.

“——i don’t know,” he says, before shaking his head. clenching fists, taking a step back, “—i don’t… know.”

“...i don’t know anything.”

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@whirling-fangs / sc.

“—aren’t you tired?” a croak of laughter, “—stupid, you’ll break before you stop.”

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@cryopathiic / sc.

spits on him, “—you’re dirt.”

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@fallesto / sc.

“——don’t you have anything better to do?”

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will be here soon! taking a couple of days because boy my cfs has not been friendly to me

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gonna head off for tonight bc i am tiiiiired but thank you for the warm welcome back <3

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@uppermoonkoku / sc.

“...don’t look at me like that,” he grunts, “—i didn’t do it.”

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@hizzashii / sc.

he holds the other’s arm, carefully, “—i’m sorry i did that — sometimes i have difficulty holding back, even in practice battles… i’m gonna put it back into place, okay? it might hurt.”

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@lunarscaled / sc.

“—how could you get so caught up in that place?” he means the temple, of course, “—you seem like a good person. why hang around there?” where only ghosts wander.