unspoken-and-unkown - Tumblr blog

[unspoken-and-unkown]

I drew you that photo as I way to say "I Love You" when I couldn't speak the words.

A gift of love or whatever they call it

[unspoken-and-unkown]

I stood In the rain with my new pretty dress on. Letting it soak up that water, because your car has a busted window. So I covered it with my body until you could bring down the tarp.

An act of love or whatever they call it.

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I did this. I should've kept my mouth shut.

I did this.

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What's on your wrist and arm is none of my concern. You made your promise. I did this to you. Both of you.

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You telling me not to worry is like telling me not to breathe

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I don't really like Dr. Pepper. I just saw cream soda and decided ah fuck it. I was going to switch it but something told me not to, so I didn't.

Turns out your favorite soda is Dr Pepper cream soda.

Who knew

[unspoken-and-unkown]

I'm glad you got to the faerie wine. Because thats how I feel when I'm drinking wine. Though, now I regret it. Because I wanted you to play me music like that. I wanted to be lost to joy and bliss while your fingers danced along the chords of your guitar.

But I won't get that now. Another dream to be sealed behind the wall of adamant I am slowly building.

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I actually thought we could do the thought for thought thing. I wonder about your reaction when you get to that part in the series. If you'll understand the little piece I tried to offer you, but can no longer have.

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I wanted to just sit and talk about the book this morning. But I had to keep myself busy. I had to literally stall coming to talk to you until he got here. Because I can't be alone with you.

Which sucks. But I knew this was going to happen, knew he was going to ask this of me. And after what I put him through, after what I'm making him feel now because of it.. How could I tell him no?

So I'll do this. I will dig and carve a chasm between us with my bare hands and my words. I will use that rock and build a dam with the thickest walls around my feelings. And If that dam breaks, all of those feelings and things I want to say to you will cascade down into that canyon. Never to reach you, wash over you, again.

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You didn't say goodbye.

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You didn't think we would make it.

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Why are you ignoring me?

Please

Please play with me

Talk to me

This silence sucks

I hate it, please

Please

[unspoken-and-unkown]

I like to imagine our nights together. On days we both work I would get home first. So I would wash the day away and go lay in our bed while I wait for you. More than likely I'd fall asleep, take a short nap until you come home and plant a kiss on my forehead. Or you'd climb into the bed with me and pull me close to you, burying your face in my neck as you relax after a hard day of work.

Every night you'd play your games while we pass the bong back and forth. Some nights I'd sit in your lap, wrapping my arms around you and burying my face into your neck while you game. As if I'm some sloth clinging to a tree. Other nights I'd be under the desk, offering a different kind of support.

And at the end of the night, we'd climb back into bed and you'd hold me against you. You wouldn't complain about the cold anymore, even though I don't provide much heat.

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I can't tell you I love you which makes it more apparent that I love you

And it makes it hard to focus because I fall more and more

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If I left him I don't think you would have me. Not just because of everything but because you don't want to be remembered as the person who took another mans girl.

I understand.

I don't want to be remembered as the girl who fell in love with her boyfriends bestfriend. Yet here I am.

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I'm sorry I made you my comfort person. Please, if it helps you, just ignore me. Tell me to go away and leave you alone.

I'll do it. I'll do anything you ask me to. So please, tell me to go away. Because I can't bring myself to leave you alone.

I've tried for the last 3 weeks. I have tried and tried to just stay to myself. To leave you alone and not fall in love. I have tried and I have failed.

So I guess In the end I did end up disappointing you both.

[unspoken-and-unkown]

You wouldn't want to be with me because of everything. Ive been sitting here fantasizing about us together and you wouldn't even want me.