unsolicitedwords

[unsolicitedwords]

Just to document this crazy dream. It has been weeks or months where you didn't appear even in my dreams.

Where to start. Now I am confused if it's even connected. Feel ko no.

1st. I was surprised with this grand gesture I got. You saying mahal mo ko and let's fix this. Floors of shopping items fixed in a way na may message around. Guess what, marupok ako so ambilis lang I am back with you. In real life (even alam ko I deserve this grand gestures) di siya kelangan, isang sorry lang isang usap lang okay na.

2nd. So I was at your building (di ko din sure why ka nagrerent). Looking for you in secret. Then you called na magmeet tayo after, nasa mall ka lang and may ginagawa. Since di ako tenant ng building nahuli ako ng guard and pinakaakyat ng roof top para magpalista. Funny thing is that sa rooftop andun si Stell of SB19. Hahaha and knowing me, shy ako so I just said hi hello kahit bet ko talaga papicture! Kasama ni Stell si Ace, sinabi ko kay Ace na pinapanood ko vlogs niya! Kahit wala namn siya vlogs in reality. Hahaha kinilig ata si Ace tpos pinisil pisngi ko. So while tambay sa rooftop kasi may food stall, dumating na yung car ng group from the mall kung san ka galing. Guess what, bumaba ang Josh Cullen at kasama ka! Hanep ang gwapo mo dun. Pero parehas tayong nagulat kasi andun ako.

Fast forward, may lalakeng nag amok at bigla ka matamaan ng baril. Guess what again, ako nanaman humila para magligtas sayo na di ka matamaan ng ligaw na bala. Amazing ko hanep. Panaginip o hindi, gotchu!

[unsolicitedwords]

Oh, please.

My anxiety is shooting again. I can't overthink. But I have no choice.

[unsolicitedwords]

Ubos nanaman ako. Pero willing maubos para sayo. Ako nalang kesa ikaw.

[unsolicitedwords]

We are back at "magmahal ng walang hinihinging kapalit". Self, try to find peace in that.

[unsolicitedwords]

WTH.. inalagaan ko iningatan ko at hanggang ngayon iniingatan ko. Para lang malaman ko na minumura mura mo lang pala?! Wow! Hindi pwede.

[unsolicitedwords]

Am I okay now? Sana.

I miss you.

[unsolicitedwords]

L’Enfer (1994)

[unsolicitedwords]

Running circles. Again at the bottom.

2am and I'm finding myself still awake again. Controlling my breath. Superficially happy and smiling but deep within I know I haven't resurfaced to where I should be.

How? When I know you're still not there? How to go back home when I know it's still empty? I am making it on my own right now but there's still a void. I won't lie. It's you I need and want to fill it up.

[unsolicitedwords]

10.13.2022

Been catching my breath since last night. Been killing myself with coffee.

Today I woke up, not wanting to do anything in life. Today I woke up. Today, I don't feel fine. Today, I cried before starting my day.

[unsolicitedwords]

Exactly.

[unsolicitedwords]

Exactly.

[unsolicitedwords]

11:11 still fighting. You and me, always.

[unsolicitedwords]

There's no point in forcing. But you know what, I also won't force it out. I will keep loving you until I naturally fall out of it, if it will.

[unsolicitedwords]

I AM NOT OKAY TODAY

10.03.2022 - Just gotta put it out there. Hopefully in the coming days, better days are coming.

[unsolicitedwords]

Each day I wake up saying "okay na ata tayo today" but then again things change midday.

My friends, my family, they don't know a thing. Sometimes, I don't even know myself.

[unsolicitedwords]

"Babalik naman ako"

Was that a sign? Or merely just a dream? Two nights in a row, God I hope I'm not just hallucinating. They say take what resonates to you most. Ok. Universe I am taking it.

[unsolicitedwords]

I woke up from a dream where he messaged me. It's not as clear but it went something like

"Mamhie

Ingat ....."

No, self, stop thinking.