unsavory-melon

[unsavory-melon]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[unsavory-melon]

Why hello there

I need a Stormlight archive buddy. It’s not enough to just read the book I need to yell what I’m feeling to someone who gets it

[unsavory-melon]

fuck it, reblog to give the person you rb'ed this from a freshly baked buttery croissant.

[unsavory-melon]

[unsavory-melon]

favorite incredibly frustrating things about Elantris so far (almost 21 hours into the audiobook/about ¾ of the way through)

sidenote I am probably going to misspell all the names. PLEASE feel free to correct me if you can figure out who I mean

1. Fucking. Hraithen. Mr. Holier Than Thou, I Am Lord Jadeth's Second Favorite Ever. 🖕 I hate that I kinda sorta like him a little sometimes

2. Sarene and Raoden being SO CLOSE and she doesn't know he's him. Girl he's alive!! (kinda sorta) (their dynamic is amazing tho)

3. *deep breath* ITS POISON. ITS NOT THE SHEOD. ITS POISON. *banging pots and pans* i wish i could beam this into the characters' brains

4. Fucking Dilaf. Rice sounding name zealot asshole. Very good character as a foil for Hraithen and Sarene and very good for making things Worse. I want to drop him in a vat of Elantrian sludge.

5. the mystery of the aeons and the What Happened. I want to know IMMEDIATELY. I love the slow journey into figuring it out. It's frustrating and amazing

[unsavory-melon]

Yk I read this as "the kandra are so cool and have unique bodies" but I like this so much better

Wait this implies kandra may have had contact with some of the Sho Del. That's ridiculously early in writing the cosmere to have this sort of stuff.

[unsavory-melon]

Me: I love Teft so much.

Also me half way through RoW: it’s crazy how we’re 4 books in and tbh no one has died that I’m emotionally attached too

Me at the end of RoW:

[unsavory-melon]

KALADIN STORMBLESSED IVE HAD YOU FOR LESS THAN ONE BOOK BUT I LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART AND SOUL

[unsavory-melon]

Let’s say ace!Kaladin is under pressure to enter a political marriage. (Post Oathbringer era) He’s brainstorming with Bridge Four how to get out of it.

Sigzil starts teaching them about negotiation theory. He says something along the lines of, “Ask higher than you actually want so they can talk you down and feel like they won. But you don’t want to set your demands too high or they’ll just leave the table.”

Kaladin is like, “Isn’t leaving the table what we want them to do? I really don’t want to get married.”

Lopen comes to Sigzil later with an idea that’s just crazy enough to work. So at the next big Radiant Round Table(TM), Dalinar asks if Kaladin has put any more thought into a political alliance.

Before Kaladin can reply, Lopen speaks up, “See, we Windrunners have been talking. And our leader a valuable commodity. He can’t enter into a political alliance with just anybody. He’s handsome, sure, and he does the glowing thing. Women love the glowing thing. And he can fly. Women love flying best of all. Not to mention all of his other abilities. He’s a real catch.”

Kaladin is trying to shush Lopen by this point, but he’s just like, “You shush, gancho. I’ve got your back.”

Sigzil adds, “The head of an order sworn to protect those who cannot protect themselves should not be constantly distracted by the need to defend his own wife, so obviously, Kaladin should marry a fellow Radiant.”

Lopen chimes in, "Additionally, he is not interested in the best part of marriage - you know-" (here Lopen makes a crude hand gesture) and Kaladin is torn between wanting to fly out the nearest window or tackle Lopen. However, Rock, Teft and Skar have been informed of Lopen's intentions, so they all sit on him/lash him to the floor before he can do anything.

Lopen continues, "There was this one time we rescued a - Sigzil what is the diplomatic way to say a brothel full of very grateful whores?"

"We rescued a mixed-gender group of practitioners of the world's oldest profession who offered their wares for free as a token of their gratitude," Sigzil says mildly.

"Yes, that." Lopen continues, "Anyway, Kaladin is not interested at all. The rest of us had a hard-" (Sigzil pokes him) "I mean difficult time saying no, but Kaladin here did not."

"Finally," says Sigzil, "She must be intelligent and witty. Only the best for our fearless leader."

"So in summary, your demands are that he marries a fellow Radiant who is also asexual and has a certain level of mental accuity?" Jasnah asks.

Sigzil and Lopen agree. Lopen adds," It would also be good if she's pretty."

"And in return, could Kaladin agree not to interfere with his wife's work or expect her to bear him an heir?" Jasnah asks.

Quick conference with the bridgemen.

Sigzil replies, "He is amenable to those terms."

"Excellent," says Jasnah, "The wedding will be in two weeks. Next item of business-"

"Wait," says Dalinar,"Who is the bride, exactly?"

Jasnah says, "Me, of course. Now about the grain shortage-"

[unsavory-melon]

YES! BRILLIANT POST!!!

Let’s say ace!Kaladin is under pressure to enter a political marriage. (Post Oathbringer era) He’s brainstorming with Bridge Four how to get out of it.

Sigzil starts teaching them about negotiation theory. He says something along the lines of, “Ask higher than you actually want so they can talk you down and feel like they won. But you don’t want to set your demands too high or they’ll just leave the table.”

Kaladin is like, “Isn’t leaving the table what we want them to do? I really don’t want to get married.”

Lopen comes to Sigzil later with an idea that’s just crazy enough to work. So at the next big Radiant Round Table(TM), Dalinar asks if Kaladin has put any more thought into a political alliance.

Before Kaladin can reply, Lopen speaks up, “See, we Windrunners have been talking. And our leader a valuable commodity. He can’t enter into a political alliance with just anybody. He’s handsome, sure, and he does the glowing thing. Women love the glowing thing. And he can fly. Women love flying best of all. Not to mention all of his other abilities. He’s a real catch.”

Kaladin is trying to shush Lopen by this point, but he’s just like, “You shush, gancho. I’ve got your back.”

Sigzil adds, “The head of an order sworn to protect those who cannot protect themselves should not be constantly distracted by the need to defend his own wife, so obviously, Kaladin should marry a fellow Radiant.”

Lopen chimes in, "Additionally, he is not interested in the best part of marriage - you know-" (here Lopen makes a crude hand gesture) and Kaladin is torn between wanting to fly out the nearest window or tackle Lopen. However, Rock, Teft and Skar have been informed of Lopen's intentions, so they all sit on him/lash him to the floor before he can do anything.

Lopen continues, "There was this one time we rescued a - Sigzil what is the diplomatic way to say a brothel full of very grateful whores?"

"We rescued a mixed-gender group of practitioners of the world's oldest profession who offered their wares for free as a token of their gratitude," Sigzil says mildly.

"Yes, that." Lopen continues, "Anyway, Kaladin is not interested at all. The rest of us had a hard-" (Sigzil pokes him) "I mean difficult time saying no, but Kaladin here did not."

"Finally," says Sigzil, "She must be intelligent and witty. Only the best for our fearless leader."

"So in summary, your demands are that he marries a fellow Radiant who is also asexual and has a certain level of mental accuity?" Jasnah asks.

Sigzil and Lopen agree. Lopen adds," It would also be good if she's pretty."

"And in return, could Kaladin agree not to interfere with his wife's work or expect her to bear him an heir?" Jasnah asks.

Quick conference with the bridgemen.

Sigzil replies, "He is amenable to those terms."

"Excellent," says Jasnah, "The wedding will be in two weeks. Next item of business-"

"Wait," says Dalinar,"Who is the bride, exactly?"

Jasnah says, "Me, of course. Now about the grain shortage-"

[unsavory-melon]

only girls can pilot evas

[unsavory-melon]

she’s right

[unsavory-melon]

[unsavory-melon]

[unsavory-melon]

erm… you’re still on twitter??

Yeah I mostly use it nowadays to tell AI-bros and Nazis to kill themselves.

[unsavory-melon]

do you think prev is older or younger than you?

[unsavory-melon]