unsavory-melon

[unsavory-melon]

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.

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[unsavory-melon]

Cinderella rewrite where Cinderella’s father is an unusually successful fisherman due to his secret friendships with the shy and mysterious mermaids, successful enough to attract a moderately wealthy and ambitious bride with two daughters. Once he dies, her stepmother, determined to make sure her daughters inherit the fishing business as dowries by marrying before Cinderella, forbids her from going out on the fishing boats or into town and makes sure she spends as much of her time as possible doing drudgework, hauling offal and cleaning fish. When the Prince’s ball comes around, an important occasion for young women to make good connections, the stepmother forbids her from going, telling her that she needs to get the latest salmon catch gutted and ready for sale instead.

Cinderella’s mermaid godmother calls upon her people to clean the fish and gifts her a dress and shoes of shimmering fish scales that wreathe her in rainbows under the moonlight. She makes an impression on the Prince at the ball so strong that he immediately falls in love with her, and when she’s forced to flee before her stepmother notices her (no masquerade mask or dancing rainbows will disguise her from her own family at close range), the Prince is left with only a delicate fish leather slipper left on the front steps to try to find her again.

He goes around the houses, seeking the owner of the slipper, but Cinderella is once again working in the fish sheds. He stepmother, desperate and determined and having found Cinderella’s other shoe that very morning, realises what has happened and takes a knife to the feet of her prettiest daughter, telling the prince that she suffered an injury that very morning but those are definitely her shoes, see, here’s the other one, and they still fit.

The daughter is pretty and witty and charming, and while the Prince doesn’t feel the same spark and instant sense of connection that he did at the party, he reasons that she’s overwhelmed and in pain and once she’s healed, all will be well. There are no birds to whisper of blood in the shoe – the Prince has seen the bandaged feet already – and the daughter slips on the shoes (the only shoes she has that will fit her, now,) and accompanies him to the palace.

But the stepmother is no doctor, and by the time the Prince gets her to the palace doctors, it’s too late – his beloved has contracted an infection in her feet from the shoe leather, made unclean in its travels. She will survive – it is an infection of a common filth of fish and birds, one that the doctors have potions for for the occasions where dangerously cooked food causes outbreaks – but in her raving, she confesses the whole scheme to the Prince who, furious, returns to the village to find the girl he truly fell in love with, the girl hidden from him.

“Oh, yeah, the fish cleaner,” the villagers shrug. “We don’t see her around very much, she’s probably in the sheds. Her family calls her Salmonella.”

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Cosmere Characters vs. Wrapping an Oddly Shaped Present

It's a well-known bane of Christmas time: you've gotten somebody a stuffed animal or a tennis racket or a small, tasteful antique lamp...and now you have to wrap it. If Cosmere characters had Christmas or wrapping paper, how would they approach this unique challenge?

1. Siri

Uses way, WAY too much wrapping paper...but she gets the job done.

2. Vivenna

Carefully measures out the correct amount of wrapping paper...which is inevitably not enough, meaning that the paper doesn't quite meet in the middle. She has to cut off the extra strip of wrapping paper and tape it across the middle to finish the job.

3. Kaladin

Tries over and over again, but each time, the wrapping paper comes up short and can't quite cover the present. Finally, at the last possible moment (15 minutes before unwrapping time), he gives it one final try...and nails it.

4. Sebarial

Hires a professional gift wrapper to do it for him, loudly claiming that it's because he's far too lazy to wrap a gift by himself.

5. Kelsier

Wraps cardboard box instead. Inside the cardboard box is another, smaller box which is also wrapped. Inside that is, you guessed it, another, smaller box that is also wrapped. But if you keep going, you'll eventually get to the smallest box, inside which is a note, which says, "Look in your bedroom closet." The gift is there. The whole process takes 30 minutes and he does this every year.

6. Steris

Carefully figures out the exact geometric shape needed in order to properly and neatly wrap the gift. Nails it.

7. Navani

Has her team researching the best ways to wrap gifts of this particular shape. In the end, Navani invents a whole new type of math while getting it done herself.

8. Dalinar

Simply hands over the gift, unwrapped.

9. Wax

Puts a fancy bow on the unwrapped present and leaves it under the tree.

10. Wayne

Does not wrap the gift, exactly, but does hide it somewhere which is kinda like wrapping it.

11. Vin

Has only just mastered the art of wrapping a square gift. Sazed takes care of it for her, and it looks beautiful.

12. Adolin

Just gives it a good, honest try--yes the wrapping is a bit weird looking and he uses a lot of tape, but it's done and you can really tell he did it himself.

13. Jasnah

Has never struggled to wrap a present of any shape in her life. She just does it. It looks amazing.

14. Shallan

Manages to wrap the gift in a way that makes it appear to be an entirely different gift--think "wrapping a tennis racket so that it appears to be a stuffed bear." Lightweaving may or may not have been involved.

15. Yumi

Uses lots of smaller pieces of wrapping paper to cover different parts of the gift, so that in the end it is all properly wrapped.

16. Painter

Uses bamboo-print cloth to wrap the present instead. Just puts the gift inside, gathers the edges of the cloth together and ties it off. Easy.

17. Tress

Her first attempt at wrapping an oddly shaped present is admittedly poor, but once she becomes the go-to person who wraps all oddly shaped presents for everyone she gets really, really good at it.

18. Lopen

Luckily he has this one cousin, see, who's just REALLY good at present-wrapping.

19. Renarin

Puts the gift into a box first so that it is easier to wrap.

20. Sarene

Uses a gift bag.

[unsavory-melon]

Perfectly timed wedding photo

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YOOOO have fun bro

EVERYONE!! I GOT POKEMON X :)

[unsavory-melon]

Damn that's impressive

THIS SONG IS FUCKING AWESOMEEEEE🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[unsavory-melon]

It's always so fun to watch their minds be blown

Thinking about when I was first getting into the cosmere and I thought to myself "why is hoid such a common fantasy name, ligit every fantasy book has it"

Something possessed me to check whether or not the fifth season trilogy featured a guy named hoid

And as I was flipping through my books I realized....."ITS ONLY IN SANDERSON!!! WHAT???"

[unsavory-melon]

Thinking about when I was first getting into the cosmere and I thought to myself "why is hoid such a common fantasy name, ligit every fantasy book has it"

Something possessed me to check whether or not the fifth season trilogy featured a guy named hoid

And as I was flipping through my books I realized....."ITS ONLY IN SANDERSON!!! WHAT???"

[unsavory-melon]

Thinking about when I was first getting into the cosmere and I thought to myself "why is hoid such a common fantasy name, ligit every fantasy book has it"

Something possessed me to check whether or not the fifth season trilogy featured a guy named hoid

And as I was flipping through my books I realized....."ITS ONLY IN SANDERSON!!! WHAT???"

[unsavory-melon]

Perhaps when yore done with warbreaker read the stormlight archives......I think you'll have fun with it

I have not a single fucking clue who Hoid is but he was in the end of Elantris so when Lightsong just introduced a man and said “This is Hoid”, you bet he got my full fucking attention and eyes squinting. I will unravel your mystery, mystery man

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Genius

Seons are Sel phones.

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i hope im a positive influence on somebody’s life

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We all live our Brando sando

white people have the sauce sometimes and dont even know it

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Yeah prev has had a positive influence on my life

I like pokemon

i hope im a positive influence on somebody’s life

[unsavory-melon]