media is never politics free.
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being a good worker is synomonous with being a good person in America.
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anxiety again
every part of me wants to scream
and there is absolutely no reason why
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jealousy
tasting with only the sides of your tongue,
any food taken in just sits High in your stomach
personal victories
are scoffed at empty calories
artificially sweetening a life that doesn't quite measure up to their sugar
only a spoonful, which helps their whole life go down so easy
heavy frosting fondant and sugar cherries
they make you sick
even thinking of them you feel flushed and your heart
clamors leaps to find a better host
how can you stop eating more of it
when it keeps dripping up your arm
molasses in your veins spiced and sticky
I've always hated sweets
they always made my teeth hurt
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today is a day that feels listless and unravelled
bottoms feel scraped
and muscles clench inside me
its supposed to be my body
but this pain never felt like my choice
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I need poetry friends
i dont have any. :(
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Eulogy
I wonder how people will describe me after I'm dead.
I wonder how people will describe me after I'm dead when I'm 22.
I wonder how people will describe me after I'm dead when I'm 40.
I wonder how people will describe me after I'm dead when I'm 16.
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Anxiety
Hot Shadows
Pressing against my rib cage
Alien spirits weave foreign patterns around and up and through and underneath my breasts
And make themselves a fetid home
Each dive and swoop they make
Pulls a barbed wire tween the point where two circles meet
a new tear is a new hole for dry air
They’ve drank my fluids and taken my movement
Made my arms anchors to a spot in the Bermuda Triangle
Compasses swing wildly
While a heavy ship contemplates longitudes
All good ideas but too far fetched to be destinations
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Brush my hair
fingerscalp massages make me feel lonely.
The dirt is damp, hair dry.
Nests under stars never feel cozy
infinite directions still bring peace.
but not the same kind.
soft tugs make me feel real remind me my skin is strong
You cant hurt me when you try.
The hair is straight and it surely is a shame
tangles are so much more interesting.
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Reasons to Move to LA
Its Warm So So warm Adventure Opportunities Beautiful people New friends New me Gotta get all my badges
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Reasons Not to Move to LA
Wildfires Too much money Earthquakes Too much money I've never been there before I need a car I dont know anyone out there I will miss my friends I will miss my family
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Thank You Note to Coffee Shops
cafes with unneeded care great writers will sit and drink they got nowhere in your cafe but at least you provided the framework your background is important
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Stupid Fucking Poem Written in a Coffee Shop, #1
Your arguments and pettiness are my top shelf candy
Water cooler talk of communications lost out of reach
Uneven egos
Unaware of their
Clean drinking water
but dirty hands
Charts to misread
Expensive slacks to spill coffee on
Scoldings to be had padded with pocket change
Larger than my paycheck
Backaches from office yoga
But at least not mirrored by bruised toes
Purple grapes
That can only afford bitter wine
I use vinegar to cook with
I wonder if their vinegar and mine taste the same.
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Tired Faith
The muscles in my back are too small
and my sleep is too short
and my breath is too ragged
and my faith is too unbelievable
and tangled in things that don't matter
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Friendship Failures
A moment of clarity
Pinged through the silence
Bouncing around my round skull
I culled Truth and knew what I wanted to be
A good friend
Not just a good friend,
But the best friend.
I wanted to be asking when
You were moving so that I could be the first one there with a toolkit
Smiling and sweaty
Tearing my muscles new
So to help you break religions
And find new definites
Yes that coffee table should definitely go in that room.
I wanted to cover my mouth
hiding and wide sharp-toothed laugh
Tinkling talking teasing
About our sweet fondnesses you had for the boy next door
Leaning over a rough fence
I would invite him to high mac and cheese,
Pasta and wine
Redder than your face at that moment.
I wanted to hear every detail
of your day
the color of the grass as you saw it only
and the smell of the coming wind
the peculiar shape of the billboard you noticed
What did that quote even mean?
I wanted all these things
as we all might as well want the philosophers stone
but instead, 4 new pills a day in a nursing home
smaller stones in the same blood red color
the best placebo for heaven we might offer
Instead I all I heard was
the endless clicking and clucking
saying things I swear I'd heard you say
in the way you'd hear a midnight alarm chirp
I was want to speak in howls and yelps
I didn’t want to hear you over the sound of my own cooing
Instead
All I tasted was metallic jealousy
when I was dark
When mirrors only reflected you and another smiling
and never me
I cast myself invisible
though I was really wishing
the sunlight was only mine
No but instead
all I felt was the
tired claws of repetition raking
the back of my hand that I did not recognize
limbs and elbows and ears
that felt so long and tired
that couldn’t bear to help you lift a single box
I could only see the things in it
Stagnant as you were
Lamentations and small sips of holy water
might be my penance
but I’m not quite sure what is my salvation yet.
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Underused Word
Copacetic
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Love Stanza no. 1
(1 in an Infinite Series of Stanzas Omitting the Metaphor of Fire for Romantic Passion)
the math between your colors
makes as much sense as
breath I take in awe of them
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