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i dont think we talk about how the whole being asexual make you feel inhuman in this society. people put sex on a pedestal and then put a little “sex is natural” as a cherry on top to justify why it’s okay to completely ignore non-sexuality and leave asexuality as an after thought or even demonize it.

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Being Black and alloace™ is already complicated from the fact you have romantic attraction and you're ace and will someone love you without sex blah blah blah but from a Black POV, it can be scary admitting to yourself that you do have romantic attraction when Black people are constantly barred from romantic narratives. You're very much conditioned to believe romantic love isn't for you, especially if you're a Black woman. You're constantly seeing Black people being represented as disposable partners of white characters, or being the only one who isn't paired up. Outside of media, you're taught that Black girls are less desirable than other races of women and that darkskin girls are less desirable than lightskin girls. You have people saying to avoid darkskin Black women as partners and you have people being upset that their baby has dark skin. Plus Black men too, are fetishised as well and used as symbols of rebellion for non Black women, but they're not seen as husband material or worthy of romantic love. And then when you do see a Black couple in media, they're represented as inherently violent, abusive, aggressively sexual and animalistic. You're taught Black people's love is dirtier, grosser and lesser than pure love of white couples. Conventional (white) romance has never been supportive of Black people as love interests, let alone Black people who are asexual too.

So then to come to aspec spaces to see white aromantics yelling to abolish romance and saying they prefer certain pairings that have Black women in them to be platonic, that only aroallos get called predatory whilst 0 aces do or that they're sexualisation is worse than every other demographic of people and going 'LOL THESE ALLOROMANTICS ARE CRYING ABOUT BEING SINGLE ROMANCE ISNT REAL TEE HEEE' not only feels extremely lacking in material analysis, power dynamics and touching grass, it also just seems cruel.

For them, rejecting the romance they have been expected to follow, to marry fellow white people and produce white children, is liberational because for them, that subverts the standards placed on them. But the issue is they can't just reject it for themselves, they have to dictate it for everyone, irregardless of context. Because romance under white supremacist cisheteropatriarchy is oppressive and oppresses them, they believe romance itself is oppressive and so must be abolished.

This does nothing for Black Love. It doesn't address the colourism, antiblackness and misogynoir that restricts Black people from romance, nor the amatonormativity in Black communities. So for Black alloaces, we shift from being forced into romances that don't match our romantic desires from heteronormativity and compulsory sexuality, being excluded from conventional romance because of our Blackness and then told our desires don't exist or are just symptoms of oppressive society from (white) aromantic separatists. There's really nowhere the Black Alloace can express romantic desire without the absence of sex and truly be accepted.

Black people's desires, of all kinds, are already policed, judged and stigmatised. I don't need to continued stigma of my romantic attraction as Black lesbian from other aspecs.

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You know what? Forget the discourse. This is no longer my hill to die on.

You wanna ship canonically aspec characters because “aro/ace people can still date/have sex”? Okay, then. LET’S DO IT.  I wanna see an aromantic character with an alloromantic love interest. I wanna see that confession of undying love and the moment when the aro character says they will never feel the same way—not romantically.

I wanna see the asexual character with their allosexual partner. I wanna see that moment when the ace characters tries sex with their partner for the first time because they want to make them happy only to realize that they are 100% sex repulsed.

I wanna see the two demiromantics who don’t even know if what they feel is romantic attraction, but they adore each other and just want to make healthy snacks together and destroy each other at Mario Kart.

I wanna see the two aces who love sensual affection and are figuring out what they define as sexual or not.

I wanna see the romance + sex neutral aroace who happily and consensually does whatever makes their partner happy…but their partner still struggles with feeling undesired. 

Oh, babe. You thought shipping an aspec character would be just like shipping an allo character? 

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Alice Oseman, Loveless

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Broke: Yasmin Benoit makes asexuals look bad by trying to be sexy and she's too sexy to be really asexual

Woke: Yasmin Benoit has the right to dress sexy if she wants to because asexuals can be sexy too

Bespoke: Yasmin Benoit is not trying to be a sexy asexual but simply doing her job as a model and wearing the clothes she wants. Whilst lingerie has a sexual connotation, Yasmin wearing lingerie is to showcase the clothes as part of the collection of the brand she works for, not to give sexual consent. The reason you think she's trying to be sexy is because you have been conditioned to believe Black women are more sexual than other races of women and so you think Yasmin, a Black aroace woman is trying to seduce you as the viewer by simply existing in her own body, in her own clothes.

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Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

He was never my father.

His name was just a name.

I'm glad his kingdom never came.

His will is none of my business.

my linktree ♡

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Asexual people who feel pressured into having sex when they don’t want to and queer people that are afraid or ashamed of having sex even though they want to are actually being repressed by the same societal forces but nobody seems to want to talk about that

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ND culture is I need to do this but I don’t wanna start. I need to do something else after this but I don’t wanna switch tasks

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One of the very best parts of leaving religion is the fact that I didn't realize I was really stressed out because I felt like I was being watched and scrutinized every second of the day every single day of my life, no matter what I did I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched and I was being judged. And now that I know that God is a myth and there's no invisible deity judging me every time I do something "sinful" it's so much easier to just exist. I can just breathe, I never realized how heavy the weight of being constantly observed was until I felt free of it

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Sex-pos ace culture is loving sexual pleasure more than anything, but also not understanding how allos can just abandon common sense in pursuit of it.

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shout out to sex-repulsed aces this pride month because i STILL don't see them talked about enough and it's pissing me off

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[Link to thread.] [Link to read as an article in his Substack.]

Dr. Winer is a professor of Sociology and Gender/Sexuality Studies who has been doing research on asexuality.

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Hey, you know how being outed is like a really personal horror for a lot of people and it feels super intrusive and if any random person gets on the internet and shares their story of being outed it’s met with sympathy because it sucks and it’s invasive and it’s humiliating and takes your truth away from you well what if we applied that same respect to other human beings who just so happen to be a larger focus of human beings and stop “headcannoning” or speculating on celebrities sexualities wouldn’t that be wild?

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ND culture is overthinking your emotional responses and intuition.

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Being asexual still gives you agency over your own sexuality. You still choose how sexual you are or not. You still get the final say over what aspects of sexuality interest you or what you're comfortable with or not.

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I don’t see people discuss this so I’m gonna start.

Everyone who says that “being asexual/aromantic… is something unnatural and new and it wasn’t a thing back then and it’s against *insert religion*-s beliefs.”

But that’s just totally wrong.

I mean, the best nuns and priests were probably aroace, they just didn’t know it was called that.

I know it sounds stupid but it makes sense

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