unearnedtruth

[unearnedtruth]

The brightest smile hides the deepest pain

Every time i longed kay mommy, i know its not just a typical “i miss her” because whenever im in this season, tanan pain magbalik the point na i just found myself crying over and over as if everything happened yesterday; it reminds me of how strong i am for facing it all at the age of 17 and i remember the exact words i told my friends “nainggit ko sa inyo kay inyong problema lang pano mag papansin sainyong crush ug kung paunsa mananghid na mag laag mo” i remember how hard it is to stop myself from crying while talking kay mami, and now unti unti ko gina tagaan ni lord ug words that could explain all that was left unsaid the year my mom died, i really felt it when bettina said “im not strong but i had to” it reminds me tong nag adto ko manila, i never wanted to go there for that reason, but i did even if i had to stay sa mga tao na bago palang nako nakilala, i never had the guts to complain kay everybody wanted me to be strong—i dont know what to do coz i was never prepared to lose my mom at that age, at that time, at that place (too far from home).

One of the hardest thing i did at that time was to surrender everything to God, everybody thinks na wala koy pake alam sa kalagayan ni mami when in fact, i just dont want to react so that i can prepare myself sa matabo; nobody told me what is it like to lose your mom so i had to detach myself just so i can accept agad her fate, my fate, our fate. But still no matter how prepared you are, iba japon ang sakit the moment it hits you– no words; and im just here looking above realizing the thought that having no chance to say goodbye to her will be the greatest pain ill forever endure.

[unearnedtruth]

Graceful Days

I captured a group of elders and im watching them so dearly. Some of them are dressed like a gen-z, and majority wears casual— if im not mistaken they just finished practicing a dance. Seeing them chitchatting made me wonder about the life when i get into that age, magkakaroon rin ba ako ng mga bagong group of friends? or till we grow old sila’t sila parin? I wonder what their life was when they were younger— did they also failed one of their major subjects? did they enjoyed life after college? did they finish school? what was life early nine-tees? I bet it was fantastic. I wish and pray that when i get into that age, i’m still with my best of friends. That whatever challenges we conquered along the way, we can still find reasons to stay wild and free.

[unearnedtruth]

Finally got the chance to tell my truth.

[unearnedtruth]

Everything happens for a reason.

Stop dwelling on the bad things that are happening, but try to think about its purpose instead. By doing that, it could lessen the pain that you are feeling right now. Always remember that in time... everything will make sense and fall into place.

[unearnedtruth]

One day or day one. You decide.

Instead of just planning your goals in life, why don't you start to learn, improve and transition yourself to become its best version. With that, you might make progress even if it's just little by little. Well, it depends on you anyway.

[unearnedtruth]

i've been realizing a lot lately...

[unearnedtruth]

Finally, I switched the tassel to the other side.

Choosing a different school to study independently without my friends was one of the hardest decisions I made, especially since I am used to having their presence all the time. At first, I had a hard time fitting into this new road I chose to take, but since I wanted to be better equipped for the future, day by day I am adjusting.

I just didn't expect that God would give me the greatest plot twist that would lead me to be on my own, literally. I lost my mom. And upon losing her, I also lost myself. I couldn't help but stop grumbling for so long because I have a life that's just waiting for me to continue. I never had the opportunity to find myself. And to be strong was the only choice I had.

Now that I am in this moment, I could never be more proud of myself for surviving my SHS journey amidst emotional instability. I offer this milestone to my family, friends, myself, and, above all, to our God, who helped me get over every challenge that I faced.

[unearnedtruth]

Strong people cry because they've been strong for too long.

[unearnedtruth]

Moments in Kap Alfredo

What I see are parents adoring their children. They're happy to see them happy, as if they were foreshadowing the future of their kids and how great they will become. Those laughs, shouts, and footsteps I hear correspond to a smile on my face that wouldn't be forgotten. I cannot contain myself from thinking that I was once their age and once that happy. I love this scenery. I am in this moment that I once had. And will never be.

[unearnedtruth]

Awake

I never hide my feelings. I never stopped having feelings. I just learned to ignore it somehow. That whenever I felt a glimpse of smiles and butterflies, I would wake up. That whenever it makes me feel special, the truth follows. Or maybe I find things about it unattractive anymore and cannot entrust my "kilig" the way I used to before.

[unearnedtruth]

Husto Na

Sa gitna ng malamig na gabi puso koy humihikbi ang sakit ay nandito muli tila'y binting nakatali sa nakaraang puro saya at tili pano ko ba ito ititigil? kahit sarili'y pilit na inilalayo ang sugat na itinago ay patuloy paring nagdurugo.

[unearnedtruth]

The Murder of Abel

When we are confronted with the sins we have committed, is our first response confession or denial, blame shifting, or cover-up? Kasi ako minsan nakakapag sinungaling ako for the reason that I don't want to be corrected, but one thing I realized is that walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag because we can hide nothing from God. He has always had a perfect plan for when, where, and how that secret would be known to everyone. One sin always begets more sins, and as we see in the situation of Cain, his pride leads him to anger, disobedience, murder, and lying to God. We are designed to love, to be a fellowship of the Lord, and to fulfill whatever our purpose here on earth is. Remember that.

[unearnedtruth]

"Wag cge aral, laag laag rin"

Why are they insisting that I go hang out with my friends and keep on telling me to socialize? Am I not sociable enough? Diba pwedeng, wala nalang pake alamanan? Well, it's easy for them to say that I am not, kasi hindi naman nila alam yung fear ko, yung pinagdaanan ko to get here.

I have this mindset na kasi na kontento na ako sa quantity of friends that I have—they're more than enough na nga eh haha—though that doesn't mean I'm closing the door na for additional ones, but if they're just going to corrupt my goodness, my honesty, and my purity instead of nurturing them, then WAG NALANG.

I better stay home at ease, kesa makihalubilo doon sa mga taong, hindi ko naman lubos kilala, at hindi ko alam yung magiging ambag sa buhay ko. I'm a deep type of person; I might seem normal, but ang dami ng out of the world na tumatakbo sa utak ko, and hinding hindi ako mapapagod na pagtuunan ng pansin yung sarili ko at yung growth ko rather than those people with whom I am not comfortable enough. <3

[unearnedtruth]

a part of me <33