undertheelms

[undertheelms]

we constantly talk about how every single black cat and golden retriever yuri couple is us like we say we’re superbat like we talk about the dates we’re gonna go on it’s so serious. what do I do brother

at what point do you go from simply bestie posting to asking someone to be your qpp . because i think it gets to a point

[undertheelms]

shit is so annoying i feel so lame and juvenile . like yeah omg im the saddest girl in the whole world no one loves me my name is y/n and i go downstairs to see my step mom talking to the members of one direction like shut up girl get a hobby grow up

oh god im back in the self pitying zone again… someone put me down

[undertheelms]

oh god im back in the self pitying zone again… someone put me down

[undertheelms]

me ending summer frustrated with half my friends, having given up on a few of them, having accomplished nothing, with way less in my savings than after last summer… hm

this summer was kind of weird

[undertheelms]

this summer was kind of weird

[undertheelms]

id be a lot better off if my mood was not so dependent on receiving the approval of my friends but unfortunately im in hell

[undertheelms]

at what point do you go from simply bestie posting to asking someone to be your qpp . because i think it gets to a point

[undertheelms]

also its so weird i never know how to introduce myself nowadays LMAO. i got my whole government name that i use in a lot of contexts but then i have my casual college nickname and then i have my old/online transgender name. idk man, many choices. hard to settle on any of them. feels weird!!

[undertheelms]

idk man. urghhjgjhghghghghghghg.

[undertheelms]

man i actually had a really nice day and it was super healing but now i am thinking about my ex. which is not necessarily bad but it is difficult because i am lacking in evidence of all the shit that happened and i just have a horrible memory, not to mention all of this happened literally 5+ years ago, so it's. very hard. i'm having conflicting feelings about everything again but i'm moreso just struggling to remember any of the shit that even happened idk. i wish i had a written record with a timeline of events. i'm starting to think maybe i should keep a full timeline of events whenever shit happens with people LMAO. i suppose this is what a journal is for but i moreso mean. a compact list of grievances. because i cannot remember shit. and it's actually really fucking with me. same thing happens whenever i try to remember things with my other exs and other weird people that have fucked with me over the years. i'm just so forgetful or i block out everything because it's too weird to think about and i end up going "oh it wasn't bad nothing happened maybe i was too harsh" no

[undertheelms]

tho if im being real me being employed is such a lifesaver it’s the only thing keeping me hinged rn. i like my job its the only thing keeping me busy and leaving the house so im grateful for it. even if its exhausting. it’s more exhausting to be up at midnight thinking that all my friends despise me and that im the saddest most poor little meow meow in the world

any time im not working i spend wanting to kms and any time I spend working i spend wanting to be done working

[undertheelms]

any time im not working i spend wanting to kms and any time I spend working i spend wanting to be done working

[undertheelms]

no one really knows me anymore and it's my fault

[undertheelms]

i really do hate feeling this alone

[undertheelms]

back in my Bad Coping Mechanisms era oops . that’s unfortunate

[undertheelms]

me n june

my sadgirl sona

[undertheelms]

every time i try and shut people out before i inevitably cave and yap to people, i feel like a little girl who's "running away from home" with a ziplock bag of like 2 snacks and a single book. like i feel like that overdramatic little girl writing a note and determined to leave so i can show everyone how much i was hurting and Make a Point before i inevitably just give up and go back to normal. but idk maybe someday i'll make an actual point. idk i just. want to see what happens. want to see if my absence is felt. or worse if its felt and enjoyed. bc it's very possible. i haven't exactly been a pleasant person to spend time with lmao. i still feel like the little girl throwing a fit and walking a single block before turning back to get dinner