underleveledjosh

[underleveledjosh]

Writing a Schizophrenic Character: Everything But Hallucinations

Plain text: Writing a Schizophrenic character: Everything But Hallucinations

Hey! Mod Bert here. 

So: you’ve decided to write a character with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder (there are other disorders on the schizophrenia spectrum but I will be focusing on these for today)

You’ve done it, you have their hallucinations and maybe even delusions picked out. Maybe they are one of many who experience auditory hallucinations or maybe they also have visual hallucinations or a combination. Maybe they have olfactory hallucinations as well. They may have persecutory delusions or delusions of reference or something like Cotard’s delusion or clinical lycanthropy. Awesome, you’ve done it!

What, I hear you say? What do you mean that’s only 2 of the 5 components needed to be diagnosed with schizophrenia? What do you mean, you don’t need to hallucinate at all to be schizophrenic?

What Goes Into a Diagnosis of Schizophrenia

Plain Text: What goes into a diagnosis of schizophrenia

Not a lot of people realize there’s more to schizophrenia and schizoaffective than just hallucinations or delusions. There are 5 diagnostic criterias that are needed for schizophrenia, and only 2 of the 5 are needed for a month, with larger symptoms happening for six months or more. Let’s get into it.

Delusions

Hallucinations

Disorganized speech or thinking*

Disorganized or unusual motor behavior (catatonia)*

Negative symptoms (avolition, anhedonia, flat affect)*

I’m going to focus on disorganized speech/thinking, catatonia, and negative symptoms.

Disorganized Speech/Thinking

Plain Text: Disorganized Speech/Thinking

Schizophrenia and related disorders are often called “thought disorders” for a reason. Speech and thinking can be extremely affected, and for people like me this can be one of the first and most striking examples of an episode coming. Some people will always have disorganized symptoms that will flare during episodes. A myth is that schizophrenia can be indistinguishable with medicine: most people will have some level of symptoms even during moments of peace or “remission”. More on remission later. 

So, disorganized speech. Some examples are: word salad (schizoaphasia), thought blocking, poverty of speech (alogia), pressurized speech, clanging, and echolalia.

Word salad: a combination of words that do not make sense together. Often called schizoaphasia for its similarity to jargon in Wernicke’s aphasia, this is instead a disconnection with the brain and not due to damage to the language part of the brain.

(Example: the salad would be yellow in the fat cow).

Thought blocking: A severe loss of thought, often paired with connecting two trains of thought that are not connected

(Example: I went to the………Do you like grapes?)

Poverty of speech: A lack of organic responses to speech or organically speaking, it can be severe enough that a person only responds to questions or in one word responses. Can also happen in severe depression.

(Example: Person A: Did you do anything fun today?

Person B: Yes.

Person A: Oh, what did you do?

Person B: Store

Person A: How was it?

Person B: Fun)

Pressurized speech: A sort of frenzied way of speaking associated with psychosis or mania.

Clanging: Connecting phrases together because of what they sound like instead of meaning

(Example: I went bent tent rent).

Echolalia: Repeating word’s and phrases. Commonly also associated with Autism Spectrum Disorder. 

(Example: Person A: I went to the store.

Person B: To the store.)

These are not the only examples but they are some ones I thought I'd highlight, either because they’re well known or I have experience with them, or because they’re famously thought of with other disorders as well and I wanted to point out how things overlap.

Personal experience: I had severe alogia for the duration of my last and worst episode. People thought I was mad at them because of the clipped way I spoke and the lack of really speaking. It got me in a lot of trouble. I didn’t realize what I was saying was different or weird (I have the least insight when it comes to my speaking patterns affected by my schizoaffective, meaning I can’t hear any difference and all of this is from repeated conversations with my mom, who was my caretaker for a bit and knows the most about my speech and what it means). The best solution was talking with people and being honest and educating myself and others. I don’t know about others, but I couldn’t have used AAC at that time.

Catatonia

Plain text: Catatonia

Fun fact: catatonia means unusual motor behaviors! Any unusual motor behaviors mean catatonia. This includes what we think of when we think of catatonia in schizophrenia (inability to move) as well as the opposite (being unable to stop moving) as well as strange movements and ways of holding and moving the body! Catatonia in the DSM-5 includes 3 or more of these 12 behaviors:

-Agitation unrelated to external stimuli

-Catalepsy

-Echolalia

-Echopraxia

-Grimacing

-Mannerism

-Mutism

-Negativism

-Posturing

-Stereotypy

-Stupor

-waxy flexibility

I have some experiences with catatonia-like symptoms but since they were never identified as such I’ll skip those for now. I will say that catatonia is a symptom that can happen in many disorders besides schizophrenia as well.

Negative Symptoms! Yay!

Plain text: negative symptoms! Yay!

So a positive symptom (Hallucinations or delusions) are symptoms that add something to reality or a person. Negative symptoms are symptoms that take away. There are 5 A’s:

-Alogia (Again, poverty of speech, our favorite)

-Avolition (Lack of energy and motivation)

-Affect (Blunted affect, or a flat way of speaking)

-Anhedonia (Lack of pleasure in things that used to bring you pleasure, often thought of with depression)

-Asociality (Lack of interest in social events and relationships)

There are also often cognitive changes including thinking and memory, information recall, understanding, and acquisition, and so forth. 

Schizophrenia and schizoaffective often (but not always) happen with what’s called a prodromal period. This period can be months to years (mine was a little less than a year) and mainly consists of negative symptoms. Slowly, positive symptoms are added. There are thought to be stages to schizophrenia including prodrome, active phases, and remission.

I’ll talk about that a little for a second because I’m currently in remission and no one knows what that means. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective depressive type in January 2021. As of February 2024, I no longer qualified to be rediagnosed because my symptoms were strongly under control and no longer severe enough to qualify for a diagnosis. They also didn’t distress me or impact my daily life severely. Day to day now I still have mild symptoms and take my antipsychotics (trying to go off them have made it clear that I still have some symptoms I choose to keep medicating) but I haven’t had a delusion in 2 years and been hospitalized in 3. There’s always a possibility of another episode but I work with my team to keep myself one step ahead if that happens.

What I want from a character with schizophrenia

Plain Text: What I want from a character with schizophrenia

Alright the writing advice part. What do I want from a character with schizophrenia or schizoaffective (which is schizophrenia plus either depression or bipolar). 

-Characters with caregivers.

-Characters using coping strategies (recording hallucinations to tell if theyre hallucinations, taking medication, having service animals that greet people so they know if they’re a hallucination, using aids for the cognitive symptoms like sticky notes and organizational tools)

-Characters who know other characters with their disorder, either online or in support group or through running in similar circles

-Characters having autonomy

-Characters who aren’t the killer or horror victim. I know it’s cool to have the schizophrenic protagonist in horror, and I love horror, but I don’t want to read about the horror being symptoms the whole time

-Characters who are in magical scenarios, who are in fantasy and sci-fi. The schizophrenic princess and the schizoaffective robot technician aboard the spaceship.

-Medication and hospitalization treated casually. Sometimes we need higher care. That’s morally neutral

-Characters with negative symptoms and speech symptoms.

-Characters with catatonia! 

-Characters with other disorders as well

-characters with side effects from medicine treated casually

-Characters with cognitive symptoms

Thank you for reading this incredibly long thing! Happy writing!

[underleveledjosh]

[underleveledjosh]

キャストリス by 佐々 [Twitter/X] ※Illustration shared with permission from the artist. If you like this artwork please support the artist by visiting the source.

[underleveledjosh]

࣪ ִֶָ☾ ˎˊ˗. 🎀 TITS, ASS OR THIGHS ?!

If MYDEI had to choose, it would be tits—without hesitation. There’s something utterly mesmerizing about them, the way they fill his hands, soft and warm, pliant beneath his touch. He loves the way they press against his chest when he pulls you close, how they spill over his fingers when he grips them just right. But most of all, he loves watching them move—how they bounce with every sharp thrust, how they respond to his touch, how they look when you're riding him, lost in pleasure. It’s enough to drive him mad, enough to make him want to ruin you completely.

His hands are greedy, rough yet worshipful as they mold around your softness, squeezing just enough to make you gasp. He revels in the way your body reacts to him—how your breath stutters when his thumbs graze over your nipples, how you arch into his touch, offering yourself up without hesitation. There’s a thrill in knowing he can take and take, that he can be as relentless as he pleases, and you’ll still crave more. Mydei doesn’t just touch; he claims, his fingers pressing into supple flesh as if to carve his presence into your very skin.

And right now, he wants to see them bounce. His grip tightens on your hips before he drags you down onto him, forcing you to take him all at once. A sharp gasp leaves your lips, but he doesn’t give you time to adjust. He sets the pace himself, guiding you with strong hands, making you move just the way he wants. Slow at first—just to tease, just to hear that sweet little whimper you try to bite back—but soon, his patience wears thin. The way you bounce with every motion, the way your tits rise and fall with each sharp thrust—it’s hypnotic, addictive, and he can’t hold back. His fingers dig deeper, possessive, almost bruising, but it only makes you cling to him more.

“You were made for this,” he growls, voice thick with hunger, his breath hot against your skin. “Made for me.”

He tilts his head back slightly, drinking in the sight before him—your body moving in perfect rhythm with his, your skin flushed, marked by his touch, your pleasure written all over your face. It’s intoxicating, watching you come undone for him, knowing he’s the reason for your trembling thighs, your shuddering breaths, your desperate grip on his shoulders.

It’s almost too much. Almost enough to shatter the last threads of his control. But not yet. Because he isn’t finished with you. Not even close.

If PHAINON had to choose, it would be thighs—without a doubt. There’s something about the way they look wrapped around his waist, the way they tremble when he touches just right, the way they lock around him when you're desperate to keep him close. He loves how soft they are, how easy it is to slip his fingers beneath your skirt, to trace slow, teasing circles along your inner thighs just to hear your breath hitch.

And when you're on top of him? When you're straddling his lap, shifting impatiently as he drags his hands over your skin, taking his time just to watch you squirm? That’s his favorite. He loves the control it gives him, the way he can dig his fingers into your flesh and guide you exactly how he wants, pressing you down until there's no space left between you.

“Don’t run from me,” he murmurs, voice low and honeyed, a smirk tugging at his lips as he watches you shudder. “Stay right here. Let me feel you.”

Your thighs squeeze tighter around him, and he groans, fingers flexing as if he might just hold you there forever. Because nothing drives him wilder than this—the warmth of your body against his, the way you cling to him, the way you look when you finally stop fighting and give in.

Phainon’s grip tightens, fingers pressing into your flesh, his touch both grounding and possessive. He loves the way your body reacts—how you shiver under his fingertips, how your breath comes faster when he kneads the softest parts of your thighs. He knows exactly what he’s doing, the way his slow, teasing strokes make you ache, the way he holds you in place just to watch you tremble.

“You’re so sensitive,” he muses, his voice lilting, almost playful. “Is it because you can feel how deep my cock is in you?”

His words alone are enough to make you squirm, but he doesn’t let you go far. He keeps you pressed against him, his hands spreading over your thighs, smoothing over the plush curves before tightening just enough to make you gasp. He drinks in the sight—your body poised above his, your thighs framing him so perfectly, your need so obvious despite your feeble attempts to resist.

And then, just to tease, he shifts his hips beneath you, letting you feel the growing heat between you. Your breath hitches, your thighs instinctively squeezing tighter around him, and his smirk only deepens.

"See? This is why I love them," he murmurs, pressing a slow, lingering kiss against your throat. "So soft. So warm. So perfect when they’re wrapped around me."

His voice is honeyed sin, his touch both gentle and possessive, and it only makes you want more. But Phainon is in no rush—he likes to take his time, to savor, to make you melt beneath him until you're pliant and desperate and clinging to him with no escape. Because he knows, in the end, you’ll let him have exactly what he wants.

If ANAXA had to choose, it would be ass—without question. There’s something about the way it fills his hands, how perfectly it fits beneath his grip when he pulls you close. He loves the way it moves when you walk, the way it presses against him when you sit in his lap, the way his fingers sink into the plushness of it whenever he gets the chance to touch. And oh, he takes every chance he can get.

He’s shameless about it, too. A hand slipping down when no one’s looking, a firm squeeze that makes you gasp, a knowing smirk when you turn to glare at him. He doesn’t care if anyone sees—it’s his, after all. Why shouldn’t he enjoy it? And when he has you beneath him, body trembling, ass lifted just for him? That’s when he’s at his most ravenous, when his grip tightens, when his palm lands sharp against soft skin just to watch you jolt.

“Look at you,” he murmurs, voice rich with amusement as his hands roam, as he kneads and teases like he has all the time in the world. “So eager. You like this, don’t you?”

He knows the answer before you say a word. Because when he finally pulls you against him, when he thrusts deep and watches you arch, watches the way your body responds to him so perfectly—it’s enough to make him lose himself completely.

Anaxa's hand finds its way back to your ass, fingers curling around the soft curve before he delivers a sharp smack that resonates in the air between you. The sound is followed by a breathy gasp from your lips, and he can’t help but chuckle, reveling in the way your body responds to both pleasure and surprise. The sting of his hand contrasts beautifully with the heat building between you, igniting a fire that makes him want to push you further, to take you deeper.

“Such a good little thing,” he teases, delivering another spank, this one a bit harder, just to see you jump. “I think you like it more than you’re willing to admit.”

His words are playful, but his gaze is dark and hungry, filled with the need to dominate, to claim you completely. Each smack is a reminder of who you belong to, a perfect blend of pleasure and pain that leaves you gasping, arching into him as your body craves more.

“Give in to it,” he urges, voice low and inviting. “Let me hear you.”

With every thrust, every squeeze, every resounding slap of his hand against your soft skin, he pushes you closer to the edge. He loves the way you squirm, the way you moan, the way you melt beneath his touch. And as he loses himself in the rhythm of your bodies moving together, he knows that this is just the beginning of what he intends to take from you.

© 2024-2025 blueberrisdove-sideblog all rights reserved. pretty please, do not steal my dividers, translate and plagiarize any of my works, or either repost my works in any other platform without asking, thank you!

[underleveledjosh]

As a Childfree Man, Here are Things I Find Meaning in Instead of Having Children:

The guitar solos in the metal and rock music I listen to as well as those songs' emotional and philosophical and horror themes that resonate with me deeply. I want to learn guitar to replicate those amazing sounds with my own twist.

How my dog, Terra, loves me unconditionally. I rescued her from the shelter where she was abandoned at by her previous owners when they found out she was pregnant with the puppies (she had the puppies in the shelter, I wasn't allowed to officially adopt her until a few days after she got neutered, and by the time the puppies found their own homes). I love the way she runs up to me and my family after we return home and the goofy way she smiles when I give her belly rubs and how excited she gets waiting for me when I give her the nicer wet food once per week.

Hanging out with my friends and family, playing games, or talking about whatever random stuff is on our minds at a given time. I now have a job, so I can finally afford to give them gifts. I love and cherish each one of them.

Engaging in my hobbies such as playing video games or TTRPGs or writing and world building my own fantastical worlds. I would like to be a somewhat popular author in the future.

As you can see, none of that involves child rearing whatsoever. I know those traditionalists and Christians in the upper echelons are expecting every single common man like me and have some kids so I can be spiritually fulfilled or whatever, but having a kid is too risky and stressful, and I don't want that at all. Knowing what pregnancy does to women, and how often pregnancy related complications still occur and kill women, I don't want to get any girl I date and marry pregnant for that reason, and I'd only date women who have also decided to be child free for life.

Not to mention that, genetically speaking, I have a joke that goes "the only good part about my family's genetics are aesthetic" since people in my family do tend to be at least above average looking, but there's a bunch of various hereditary health issues, including the fact that my ADHD, depression, and anxiety could very well be hereditary. My anxiety and depression has been severe for quite a while (I am better now due to years of therapy and medication), and I've self harmed on-and-off and I've came close to taking the quick way out several times. I don't want any child to suffer like I did. Ethically and morally speaking, knowing I could pass that on makes me want to never be a biological father.

The only exception I'd consider to lose childfree status is adopting a teenager, but I'd need to have more expansive finances and a more robust personal support network for that. Other than that, I'm having no biological children, and soon, I'm going to ask my parents about me getting a vasectomy while I'm still on their insurance.

If I had biological children, I'd have less time to rock and learn guitar, I would have less time to give attention to my dog (and Terra is a girl that gets jealous), I'd have less time to engage in my gaming and writing hobbies, and I'd have less time to hang out with friends and family. Why would I sacrifice my (barely existing) sleep schedule and my livelihood as I know it just to do something that doesn't either make me money or actually makes me feel spiritually and emotionally fulfilled?

[underleveledjosh]

tried to record hanya’s ult but i recorded too long and sunday . well you’ll see

[underleveledjosh]

i made a little aven emoji based on a hi3 sticker (higocry)

blurry ref pic

[underleveledjosh]

"How much crit is too much crit"

No such thing. Have as much atk and crit stats as possible. Absolutely demolish your foes with that gamble gremlin.

Also, this is quite the impeccable team comp. Qingque is quite the sleeper unit and is secretly one of the top hyper carry DPS characters. Sparkle and Sunday give her so many turns and so much crit, and Sparkle's SP generation from ult basically nullifies Qingque's biggest weaknesses of eating through skill points like I eat through delicious hershey's chocolate bars. It is an off meta team, but also a really strong off meta team.

So I've been experimenting with team comps in HSR for a hot minute and I have one that I think would just shred everything I put in front of it.

Qingque (Another Day/Poet/Rutilant)

Sunday (Sig LC/Sacerdos'/Lushaka)

Sparkle (Sig LC/Sacerdos'/Keel)

Aventurine (Sig LC/Knight/Penacony)

How much crit is too much crit? I think if I ever get Sparkle (rerun in Feb, if my math is correct, prob Coterie) I would just cry. Swap QQ for DHIL and suddenly I have two hypercarry units that just melt everything. Give my Acheron team a run for it's money.

[underleveledjosh]

The Herta's emotes ❄️

Like or Re-blog if you want.

[underleveledjosh]

Dr. Ratio ✨

[underleveledjosh]

A short Acheron x hanahaki because why not?

_

Lotus flowers and desert roses dyed in red.

When Stelle had asked her about them, urged on to do so by her twin, Acheron hadn't really known what to say.

"Don't be rude, Stelle," Dan Heng sighed.

March shook her head as well. "Yeah, do you like it when people point out the stellaron in you?"

But Acheron chuckled briefly and told them, "It's fine. I...believe it's a manifestation of hanahaki."

Stelle, Caelus, and March had worn identical looks of perplexity while Dan Heng had hummed thoughtfully. "I've read a little about that illness that originated in Izumo or Takamagahara. A sickness that comes from...unrequited love?" he'd half-explained, half-asked.

"Hmm," Acheron agreed. "Well, that's one of the ways it can manifest. It's a disease born of the Nihility. When one recognizes the futility of their emotions, then that futility itself takes shape to consume them."

There was no immediate response except for the shifting expressions. March, voicing the discomfort that had marked all the Trailblazers, then had whispered, "That's...terrible."

"In a sense, yes," Acheron acknowledged. "But it's not so bad."

Caleus' head had tilted in the childlike way it did when he knew he was about to ask a slightly rude question. That knowledge, however, hadn't stopped him from going, "So...were you in love with someone, Acheron?"

Again, Dan Heng had sighed, but he still joined them in leaning forward, intrigued by this development. It was a little endearing, really, and Acheron couldn't help smile before answering.

"I don't...remember," she admitted, her hand hovering over the hilt of her blade before deciding against it. "I know I certainly loved many people, but if there was one person who didn't love me back, then...I don't remember them."

"What?!?!" March had screeched. "That's even ten times worse than just having hana-hanana--uh hanahaki."

"Good job," Dan Heng had complimented dryly, prompting March's glare at him.

Acheron laughed at their antics again and shook her head. "As I said, it's not too bad. It's proof, after all, that even though they are likely gone from this world and gone from my memory, I loved them enough to love them today. It may not have been a single person either. It may have been my people or a family or perhaps a group of companions..."

The words trailed into a contemplative quiet.

She didn't remember.

But, futile as it was - and she didn't really believe that it was, even if she was drowning in it - Acheron still loved them.

Let the flowers bloom, then. They were a streak of red blooming from the colorless ocean of Nihility, to choke her veins with the reminder of what never could be, to be a streak of color in that world of nothing.

A manifestation of futility...and yet?

They remained.

[underleveledjosh]

I got a vision before the 3.0 release. The only way I would accept Dr. Ratio's absence from the Amphoreus story is if they include him somewhere in the background, without explanation. You just see him from time to time.

Chilling in a bath, reading a book, standing in front of a bookshop. You can't talk or interact with him. Game doesn't acknowledge his presence in any way. He's just there, in all his weirdness. And when we meet him again in a different part of the galaxy, there is no dialogue option to ask him about what he was doing there.

That would be funny. Arguably not as funny as adding him and then removing him as a bug, but still.

(here is my artistic rendition of this idea. It's not real, it's photoshopped)

[underleveledjosh]

Being a multishipper means I can ship Blade with many characters including but not restricted to Dan Heng, Jing Yuan, and Kafka, but it also means I have to see more than double the amount of shipping drama and arguments.

[underleveledjosh]

You can’t tell me the Trailblazer wouldn’t ask the shopkeep for a pink (or blue) Little Chimera to give March later and help her feel better—

[underleveledjosh]

Playing the hsr amphoreus quest and I noticed that the Receptionist’s name is Xenia

We know that Amphoreus is inspired off of Greece so with that

Xenia meaning - Guest-friendship, hospitality. It’s an Ancient Greek social custom in which any stranger could be a god in disguise, so you should treat everyone respectfully. So basically just means to be kind to strangers.

I don’t know if this is common knowledge but I thought it was a cool and clever that they named a bath receptionist Xenia and wanted to share :3

[underleveledjosh]

Amphoreus scenery

(since i posted it on hoyolab for the event, might as well put it here too)

[underleveledjosh]

Honkai Star Rail is a turn-based game

There's only one turn and Feixiao is the only one allowed to use it