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He’s gonna he’s gonna he’s gonna. I’m bad I’m bad I’m bad I’m bad.

This it. This fucking it for me.

I don’t want everything to be an argument. Why do I feel defeated every time I try. Why does no one believe in me why can’t I just be enough for myself. I hate it I hate it. I can’t fucking stand this.

I’ve reverted back right now and it’s his fault. Why would you make me feel this way. Why do I feel like fights are incoming. Why do I want to pick at my skin. Why do I want to harm myself again, why do I want to take weight loss pills. Why am I disgusting, why am I like this. I hate this. I’m trying to do better I’m trying to be better.

Let me sleep these days away until I feel better. Don’t let me be seen again. Don’t let me be this pathetic again. I hate people knowing these things because looking back it’s embarrassing, it’s awful. Why do I do this.

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Do you still want to talk to me? Why have things changed what did I do. I know it’s taken some time to get on my feet does that make you not like me? I’m almost there I promise I promise I promise I promise I promise

Do you seek me out anymore?? Why won’t you talk to me first

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Do you still like me do you still like me do you still like me do you still like me do you still like me do you still like me do you still love me

Are you falling out of love did I do something wrong do you still like me why isn’t it the same anymore so I bore you I promise I’m doing better

Please just tell me please just tell me please just tell me please please please

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Sometimes I wanna walk away and disappear, does my presence mean much in people’s lives? If I disappeared would it mean anything at all? Would I missed? How long? How much?

I’d love to ask but that’s so weird, and pushy. It’s a bad thing to do.

Do I mean anything at all to people who mean so much to me?

I have a boyfriend but he hasn’t been texting me much :(( it makes me feel like I’m in my past it makes me really sad. He’s got his own stuff going on, he’s busy, and last night he was in a lot of pain. So i understand I really do so why am I still sad.

If I walked away would it mean anything at all.

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I question why I love like, obsessive, possessive talk.

“You’re mine” “you’re all I think about about.” “You’re all I want” “no one else can have you.”

It leads me to wonder if it’s because of my ex and that dynamic. I was a secret, he hid me. His friends didn’t know, especially not my potential replacements.

I believe I was cheated on, so mine alone he was not. The past is that. But god I guess it affects me.

I love my boyfriend. I love him very much I love him he is perfect o wouldn’t change a thing. He says like “if there’s something you want me to do say it.” It is sweet. He is sweet.

I think I’m afraid I can’t because I’d make requests, and I’d tell my ex but he was too high he’d always forget. You’re allowed to forget things, only human after all. But my requests being forgotten was the cherries on top of it all. I’d say something about what I wanted to do even. He’d forget. Eventually I just stopped.

I love my boyfriend, I wouldn’t change a thing. Making requests feels like making him change what he doesn’t automatically do. I don’t want him to force himself to say things he wouldn’t say, or do things he wouldn’t do. I don’t want to Change him.

Though words and thoughts come to mind, along with the imaginary him speaking them, his voice, and I do sort of get butterflies.

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People keep liking this and the thing is I have that now.

My boyfriend and I see each other practically everyday, he loves holding onto me or I hold onto him, he makes me comforted in odd spaces, he’s happily told people I’m his. A guy who once asked me out he was casually like “yeah I’m dating him now” because he was so happy I was his.

He does grab my face and kiss me. Softly, quick, long. Any way. It’s wonderful

I want a boyfriend to grab my face and kiss me. I want someone to love me to unabashedly it’s almost embarrassing. I want a boyfriend so would grab me to keep me close because he doesn’t want us to get too far apart. I want him to be proud and happy to tell people I’m his.

I just wanna be happy, I wanna date. I want a good one. It’s been years. Please?

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I don’t think he’s a jealous man but god I wanna see it once see him remind someone else I’m His

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I had a really weird dream

It was like I tore my own nipple off and of the inside was a spiraled strong. The string was like sensitivity? I picked at it, pulled the string, and tried to ravel it back up and put it back into my body. I felt pain, mostly just discomfort. It was weird

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I forgot that when your friends ignore you it really puts a damper on you mental health lol

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An old friend of yours always says happy birthday to me and you can’t do it. Why. Why can’t you just say it. Why can’t you just give me the slightest kindness. When did I become so obsolete to you.

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I want a boyfriend to grab my face and kiss me. I want someone to love me to unabashedly it’s almost embarrassing. I want a boyfriend so would grab me to keep me close because he doesn’t want us to get too far apart. I want him to be proud and happy to tell people I’m his.

I just wanna be happy, I wanna date. I want a good one. It’s been years. Please?

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Hopeless romantic crap

On someone’s bad day when they are sad, when they are angry I wanna be able to say I love you and you’ll get through this

On my bad days I wanna know I’m loved too. But I want to love.

I wanna give gifts, I don’t wanna be someone’s secret this time, I don’t want someone to be ashamed of me again, I wanna hold onto someone I wanna just hold someone’s fucking hand. I wanna be happy with someone.

Man I really just want a boyfriend lmao. Manifesting him, commere, lol. It’s, such an odd thing. The want to love and love. I know things wouldn’t be perfect all the time, obviously they wouldn’t, but to make it through, that’s the good part.

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I’d literally rather die than live my life as a woman.

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Right before I went to bed I thought of a moment with my favorite character, teaching them putting pressure on the lower stomach can help with period cramps. I don’t know it was just on the mind.

I had a disturbing, gross dream as a result I think. I was laying on my bed trying to figure out what to do. There was a cut on my lower stomach, stretching from one side to the other. If I sat up, my intestines would fall out. Fat and organs would fall.

I played with it, watching the fat and organs move. Eventually to get up and look for a needle and thread I grabbed tape and tried to tape the cut closed. The thing is I wasn’t really bleeding, all my blood was just inside my body. The cut wasn’t bleeding. I got up, and it’s a dream, your brain tries to make you feel things, it felt like my organs were trying to fall out of my body. It was disgusting.

I sat down on a toilet and was trying to find a needle and thread. I think I did because I tried to remove the tape. As I said I wasn’t bleeding, so the tape got stuck to fat and my intestines. It’s gross thinking back on it but in the dream I was so calm. Nothing bothered me at all. I sat looking at the cut, looking at the slightly red tape, because it had been stuck to my insides, and I just woke up.

I hate those dreams.

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Hhhh I want to edge a bOY OR SOMETHING LOL

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Oh my love for characters that would absolutely tower over me and could easily overpower me. That could sway me into anything even if I was absolutely nervous as hell. Characters that could break me so damn easily. Bring me to absolute tears, shaking and still want more.

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The thought of developing a crush is a little bit sweet and a little but scary cause all I’ll wanna do is drool over him but also be terrified of him