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“Esperanzas colgadas de deseos”
(porque todos alguna vez hemos gastado todos nuestros deseos en una sola esperanza, haya valido o no la pena…niégalo.)
Que si te extrañe? Claro que te extrañe, y el orgullo no se cruza en admitirlo. Es cierto que por noches llore y llore. Lo que en días corrí y corrí, al tratar de escapar de un hueco que se formó dentro de mi. Tanto, que me quede sin fuerzas. Sin aliento. Sin querer saber más de ti.
Que si te amé? Si, claro que te amé. Pero recordé los momentos que viví a tu lado, y al sentir un vacío me armé de valor y fui en busca de un amor propio.
Que si olvidé? No, no te olvidé, ni lo haré. Aprendí a vivir con el recuerdo más no de el. Al cerrar los ojos, cuando escucho tu nombre estas presente, y consiente estoy que seguirás . Honestamente el sentir no se olvida, pero son recuerdos sin vida, que ya han quedado atrás.
Que si duele? No, Ya no. Hace unos ayeres me quebró en pedazos, fue arrancar la ilusión más grande de un solo acto… De la nada, y del todo mas no entendí el porque. Pero el tiempo adormeció la herida y poco a poco la roptura creo resistencia. Hoy? Hoy la fortaleza es más grande que el dolor. Me enseñó lo que es el perdón.
Te preguntas que si soy feliz? Más que eso. Hoy, soy libre. Libre de expectativas, libre de prejuicios, libre de limitaciones absurdas que limitan mi ser. Hoy siento sin temor a perder, siento porque aprendí que sin un sentir nada vale la pena. Es todo o es nada, siempre lo supé, y aunque por un tiempo me perdí en una ilusión ajena contigo lo confirme.
Regresas preguntando si te extraño y no gano en negarlo. Mas te confieso que nunca con la illusion de ayer. Te haz convertido en un reflejo de frases y objetos que atraen mil recuerdos atrapados en sueños liberados al despertar. Hoy, al abrir los ojos y enfrentarme a la realidad, me distrae lo bello que es la vida, y justo ahí me pierdo en libertad. Justo ahí sonrío, y siento lo que es vivir, sin anhelos, ni remordimientos. Simplemente vivo, y vivo por mi.
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REMEMBER?
Remember the times we couldn’t live without each other? When words turned to actions and we lived for one another? Remember the times we shared dreams and aspirations? In lonely nights you’d seek my advice and words for motivation.
Such a breath of fresh air, you were, you were.
Remember the times we fought each others battles? When courage was our armor and bravery our shield? Watching each other’s backs, protecting each others hearts? Perhaps you recall love as innocent giggles. Exploring by day and loving by night. That’s all we knew, that’s all we were. “Cause time after time you made feelings the perfect excuse for breaking rules I never had before.
Because all was fair in love and war remember? Do you? Just say yes, say yes, say yes. All was fair in love and war, say yes, say yes. Or could it be that you forgot...
Perhaps you remember playing hide and seek with the world around us, discovering new places creating new horizons? And perhaps buried in your memory remains engraved, our hidden place where the sand tasted our hidden kisses, the salty ones with low kept secrets.
Such a breath of fresh air, you were, you were.
Remember the times you could’ve pressed quit but hit continue? As you slammed on the brakes and glanced at your rearview mirror? You made a U-Turn back to me, when the glimpse in your blind spot made you see, that your love for me was still there.
Faded in your memory perhaps you recall the blurred times things got out of control, or repeated times when you needed space, because temptation was there and you almost fell.....But we’d fight against the world and support each other’s ways. So we’d forgive and forget and run back into each other’s arms, cause we both wanted to stay.
Because all was fair in love and war remember? Do you? Just say yes... say yes, say yes. All was fair in love and war, say yes, say yes. Or could it be that you forgot...
Remember when we knew each other? When we’d talk for hours with no sense of time? Remember when we had it all but lost all control. Now the question remains the same. Exploring by day and loving by night. That’s all we knew...IS that really all we ever were?
“Cause the sun’s still up and the stars still shine, but you’re no longer by my side and I never got to call you mine. Such a breath of fresh air, you were you were.
Written By: Doris Alvarez
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A Place To Call My Own
08-23-15
Take me away to a hidden place, away from all reality, where certainty is unknown. Free from any judgment. A place to call my own.
I’m going backwards planning out the outcome. I find myself traveling to find what I’m destined for. In search for stability I spend my days roaming all around.
Seems unreasonable I know, but answers to questions is what I’m seeking for, searching new horizons, discovering the unknown.
Exchange of words and measured conversations, lead me to a world I didn’t know before.
Random encounters make beautiful story lines traced as footprints these lessons I now call my own.
Chasing dreams, chasing hopes & I do it all alone.
They say what’s meant for you will stay, no matter how far you push it away.
They also say what’s not will sure be gone even if you tie it next to you, it won’t be yours to stay.
Chasing dreams, chasing hopes & I do it all alone.
The struggle’s mine but so’s the story line. So with all my strength I’ll fight relentless just enough to hit the line.
The ride is long but I’m staying strong. I’m going backwards planning out the outcome and find myself traveling to find what I’m destined for.
Exchange of words and measured conversations, lead me to a world I didn’t know before.
Random encounters make beautiful story lines that grow into lessons I can call my own.
Take me away to a hidden place, away from all reality, where certainty is unknown, free from any judgment. A place to call my own.
A place to embrace what I love, including the lyrics to this song.
Written By: Doris Alvarez
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Nights Like This****
In Nights like this when the world is asleep, when the sky is dark, and my sight is foggy. I search around in circles for your voice to guide me.
In times like this when the sky is dull, because the stars don’t glow and the nights are cold…
I search for you, and your arms to hold me.
In times like this when my mind’s unclear, and the air is so thick, as I gasp for air…I look for you to be my answer.
It’s times like this when I need a friend, and not the lover.
It’s times like this when I need advice, a pity hug, a comfort smile, a simple sigh for approval, to feel secure, a simple touch to know you are there….
Yet I stand-alone.
It’s times like this when you are gone, because somewhere along the way the lines got blurred. It’s times like this when you’re neither nor.
I struggle to accept that our paths now lead us separate ways. No cross roads, no intersections.Not a lover, not a friend, just simply gone.
So I walk-alone.
It’s times like this when I wish circles had corners. Only then could I put a stop to the little voice in my head that screams endlessly in circles, searching for your voice to find me.
It’s nights like this when I wish blankets could be enough to melt the frozen ice inside me.
It’s nights like this when I wish lyrics to the songs we once sang along, would turn my doubts to answers.
But more than anything I wish…. and wish in nights like this, that the love I gave you would have been enough.
Just enough to outshine the fears inside your heart and light them up with kind gestures and bursts of laughter.
But it wasn’t....
So in nights like this….I hope and wish, that one-day on a night like this, you take a second (the way I do) to look up and realize that the sky is dull.
That the shine is no longer there and that if the sky seems lonesome it’s because it is. Maybe then and only then you’ll find the courage to search for the sparkle that once made nighttime seem like a companion, not because you had a lover next to you, but also a friend. And maybe then the 10,000 thousand zillion seconds we’ve been waiting on will have passed, and maybe then there will no longer be a need to miss anyone, but instead a need to stop the countdown.
A reason to hit the reset button and start a new one , the count of 10,000 thousand zillion stars regaining their glow as we stand beside one another.
Written by: Doris Alvarez
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WoRkinG progRess.... #NYC
It’s 3:41 a.m….and I’m back to sleepless nights. Except this time, I woke up in giggles at 2 a. m .
Ever since, I’ve been flipping from side to side reminiscing upon everything that has happened to me since I arrived to this “City that Never sleeps”.
Aside from the beautiful landmarks and city landscapes, my experience in NYC has been everything but an easy transition. I’m capable of providing you a list of all the wonderful places and beautiful attractions NYC has to offer, simply because exploring these places is the ONE thing that has kept me sane since my arrival. However, once you take off the touristy binoculars, you become a local….and suddenly living, and the simple act of breathing, becomes harder in a Metropolitan City.
I’m aware it’s not good to categorize, but there is a reason why things are called as they are known for. So if you weren’t aware, there is a particular feeling that comes with Metropolitan cities. It lingered in Paris, Madrid, Mexico City, and now in NYC.
First off , the air becomes more dense, this could be explained scientifically due to pollution and overcrowding of places in one particular setting. One can think that maybe it’s the idea of attempting to fit one too many people in the metro.
Yet, when you take it a step outside the metro ,the same overcrowded feeling lingers in the air.
It is as if the wind, whispered in your ear:
“Go! Go! Go! Don’t look back! Don’t Think about I t ! Just Go!”
Suddenly….. time becomes the most precious thing, but for the wrong reasons. Instead of enjoying every hour for what it’s worth, after being seven hrs trapped inside one location…you begin to suffocate again and you subconsciously, can’t wait till it’s 6 p.m. so you can go home, resttttttt and sleeeeeeppp and (miss out on beautiful life) just so you have enough energy to do this routine all over the next day. UNTIL, one day you wake up and realize that there is alwayssss a next day…
Then it hit me, something was wrong, very wrong. I had been living the past couple weeks on idle mode due to the cultural shock of this metropolitan city. I was so caught up in taking it all in, that by wanting to fast forward trough this adapting nonsense. I was missing out on ‘the today”.
Ironic to think that while everyone hopes to get to the tomorrow alive, it is “the today” that makes “tomorrow” happen. It is “the today” that has just as many hours in any part of the world as my day has in the hectic Metropolitan City I now live in.
Just like any other moment of realization. Clarity brings options.
You can either SURVIVE in the city, or LIVE in the city:
1) IF You SURVIVE in the city.
You have decided to allow the dense air to suffocate you, and the stressful ambiance to take over your body and impose an urge to “Go Go Go” even though, your point of arrival (realistically) isn’t going ANYWHERE!! You rush and rush through the days, constantly fighting against time….
2) IF You LIVE in the city.
You pretend that energy levels of physics have absolutely no effect on you & you choose to breathe, taking one minute at the time. You learn to appreciate the wind that brushes against your cheeks while admiring everything. From the inmense skyscrapers and architectural structures, to examining the wild diversity of people that pass right next to you on a daily. The wind blows again and you soon realize that the laws of physics stilllll exist and stillllll have an effect on you but instead of suffocating you, they now have a way of lifting your spirits. You look around and you realize how fortunate you are that unlike any other city you’ve lived in, this one has the full 4 seasons….something you might have missed if you just happened to be rushing through life.
Ironically, while boarding my FLIGHT to NYC I encountered a quote that read:
“If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.”
Ever since then I’ve questioned my story and whether the chapter I’m living in today is the correct one or if I’m just improvising my script as I go along??? In my commutes to work, I often observe people in the metro. I become intrigued by their posture, facial expressions, clothing, and the simple way they carry themselves. Yet, what intrigues me the most is their eager need to evade the world around them.
I question humanity as a whole and I wonder why people are the way they are.
I wonder, if they are happy in their own story, or if they are somehow trapped? Maybe it’s worst, maybe they are stuck in a vicious cycle called routine, too blind to even realize it. Yet there is also the possibility that they’ve become too comfortable inside this cycle and are afraid of change…for better or for worst, but afraid to “leave” regardless .
I’ve only been here a little over a month, so I don’t consider myself an “experienced New Yorker”. In fact, I don’t think I could call myself one either, even if I were to lived here for 100 years.
However, here are some things I’ve experienced while adjusting to my setting in my current story line status.
*There is not such thing as personal space in NYC ----At least not in the metro, or as locals call it “subway”--
So there too, you have choices:
Listen to music, (while observing people) or Listen to music and pretend you are texting/on social media. (Now, the truth is this option will only work for a couple metro stops before we all loose reception. Well… except for those who pretend to receive internet connection as they get a special sort of wifi while everyone else lost reception 4 stops ago when the subway went underground?! I don’t know why, but pretending social media works. When it clearly doesn’tttt is somehow 10 times easier than exchanging two seconds of eye contact with the person standing 2 inches next to you. The point is, metro rides are just like elevator rides, when it comes down to human interaction.
Fall asleep and you might be spending way more time in the metro than you thought you would.
Get lost in a dazeee and become so lost in your mind that you end up over analyzing every aspect of your life within a 30-1 hr commute to work. Literally draining your brains out before you get to the office.
Read a book and learn something on your commute. This seems to be the most efficient and productive option, until an overflow of people happens and you are forced to put your book away.
Now to actual lessons learned:
Mental endurance is just as important as physical endurance.
Your patience, and tolerance for people will become tested on a daily. So you learn self control and the importance of conserving your energy for circumstances and people who actually matter.
Learn to problem solve in a more simplistic manner.
Due to the fast paced environment, instead of worrying about a problem you learn to confront and resolve the issue whatever the situation may be, and becoming overwhelmed is not efficient enough. So it’s not an option.
You become a master at multi-tasking.
As most New Yorkers, you learn how to block the outside world while being completely aware of your surroundings. Just think about it….. if you fail to do so, you miss the metro stop you were supposed to get off at, or what could be worse? get hit by a taxi while crossing the street. The point is, that in this “city that never sleeps” awareness is vital to your survival, talk about survival of the fittest ?! This is it! NYC city for ya!
Give in more, and expect less.
You learn that there is no downfall on trying. If anything you'll gain something out of nothing, which is where you started. The downfall comes when you expect something to come out of your attempts to try. Self -attempt is an action that derives from motivation within you, while expectations derive from outside sources. By expecting you are subconsciously allowing outside sources to determine your happiness. So if you do things because you genuinely want to then the outcome will be irrelevant and you will be satisfied with trying and knowing you gave it your everything.
Learn that smiles just like respect, are earned.
As mentioned above, people in NYC are mostly in their own world and often can come across as rude. Frankly, I don’t think they mean to, they just have 1,000 things running through their heads, one being time and therefore efficiency and straightforwardness become key. Whereas, politeness and greetings on the go become time consuming. Besides why would you say hello to anyone on the streets, after all they are all strangers. So why waste time?
The Joy of a quarter.
Quarters become the key to having clean washed clothes. Period. Before having to share a laundry I never found a need to carry change or more specifically collect quarters. I must confess, that it never occurred to me that I could simply go to the bank and easily get a pack of $10 in quarters. Before this moment of realization, I would exchange dollars on local grocery stores and would get overwhelmingly excited when I received quarters as change because subconsciously I would add them on to my laundry quarter collection. That of course, isn’t the case thanks to the light bulb inside my head that went off as I passed by my bankkkk. However, more than laundry, you see the true value of a coin when a homeless person approaches you and their face lights up as you hand them the last quarter in your purse which you didn’t know was there before someone who truly needed it, requested it.
Develop a more realistic perspective about the world.
Not only do you learn to be more straightforward, but you are forced to speak your mind out with more confidence in order to get your voice heard in such a competitive and developed city. Life is hard and if you don't learn to adapt you are forced to adapt.
Last, and most important one....
You learn to be by yourself but value 1,000 times more the people you love. Moving to a completely different city, without knowing anyone, you learn to be your own cheerleader. But in moments when you feel completely alone in a city filled with strangers, a simple call from the people you love makes you feel so much closer to them. It gives you a certain comfort, a certain confidence to tackle the world. The kind that let’s you know you aren’t alone, while giving you enough strength to believe in yourself again. You learn that, independence is great, and getting lost within yourself and by yourself is one of the best things you can do to discover who you truly are. But to feel unconditionally loved, is simply an irreplaceable feeling.
Overall
I’ve learned that in order to make the most out of my experience in NYC without falling into the routinely metropolitan city lifestyle I must view everything like a tourist, spend my paycheck like a globetrotter, and that just like in any given circumstance attitude, patience and adapting mechanisms are optional elements that rely within ourselves. They are also, key elements to confronting any adversity that life throws our way. Particularly in a city that never sleeps.
One thing is true, change is constant and adaptation is always working progress, so don’t be afraid, “If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.”
By: Doris Alvarez
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Cherish LIFE, because the clock never ticks backwards. Cherish LOVE, because it's unconditional. Cherish PATIENCE, because it's the key to resolving the adversities of life. Cherish MEMORIES, because they can't be re-lived. Cherish LOYALTY, because it's the only path to trust. Cherish PEOPLE you love because you had no control on when they appeared in your life nor will you when they vanish from it. Cherish PLACES you explore because you never know if you'll ever see those landscapes again. Cherish OPPORTUNITIES, because luck happens randomly and unexpectedly! The Truth is: You MUST Cherish EVERYTHING in life, because even the most insignificant thing has the power to become the most meaningful part of your existence! So Cherish it with all your heart❤️
Written By: Doris Alvarez
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G a n a s D e T i
Y no se si te pasa,
Pero ganas de ti nunca me faltan
Que de la nada y del todo suele suceder que derrepente te quiero ver…
Esta sensacion se apodera de mi , de escuchar tu voz y sentirte cerca de mi.
Pues sin dudar un instante ya estoy marcando tu nombre.
Mas me quedo esperando , mientras ocupado estas…
Tan anciosa de escuchar tu voz , pero que tal que el telefono solo entra a buzon.
Esperando me quedo, y me entra el panico cuando pienso en ti .
Sin palabras me quedo pues no se q decir….
Me armo de valor, y tomo un suspiro, vuelvo a respirar y sin pensar solo digo:
“No tengo motivos para llamar , bueno quizas solo uno querete escuchar…..”
Las ancias me ganan y no puedo ni pensar, cierro los ojos y te veo brillar, alumbras mis noches, pues te suelo soñar. Abrazo mi almohada y siento volar. Te quiero conmigo sin volverte a soltar.
Y no se si te pasa y esque ganas de ti nunca me faltan.
Escucho tu risa, me brinda alegria. Tus dulces caricias alumbran mis dias.
Esa sensacion se apodera de mi , de escuchar tu voz y sentirte cerca de mi.
Añoro tu aliento, tu sentir, y tus besos.
De la nada y del todo suele suceder que derrepente te quiero ver,
mas lejos de mi estas y un nuevo amor se a apoderado de ti, robandome todo
adueñandose de tus suspiros, probando cada beso que debio ser mio.
Detenido en el tiempo como un bello recuerdo dentro de mi te llevo detenido. Como un viejo suspiro, sin perder su frescura no ehh aprendido a olvidar.
Y sobra mencionar, que ni con el tiempo aprendi a controlar, esas ganas de ti que se apoderan de mi, esas ganas de ti que nunca me faltan. Esas ganas de ti que esperan tu regreso deseando que tu tambien anehlas mi regreso.
Written By: Doris Alvarez
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F u N & G a M e S
# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #
FuN & GaMeS is just that, F uN & G a M e S.
But even games get boring and the excitement in fun
eventually dies down.
To Feel something without Feeling anything, is the same as
attempting to Feel something out of nothing.
I tried it. There was :
No Passion
* * No Sparks * *
No R o m a n c e …..
No Meaningggg,
NO LOVE .
Even if there is a physical attraction between two individuals, when there is no meaning behind their actions towards each other, they reach a moment of realization in which their bodies become an empty corpse whose soul has been replaced by temporary moments of pleasure that have turned into a dark and shallow feeling of emptiness.
I seek love not because I'm scared to be alone.
LOVE is not c o m f o r t , LOVE i s SACRIFICE .
LOVE is giving in from time to time, & sacrificing your selfish needs to satisfy another's. The biggest reward that comes with love is knowing that your sacrifice made someone else happy.
LOVE i s SELFLESS.
To Feel something without Feeling anything is the same as attempting to Feel something out of nothing. I don't want FuN & GaMes, I WANT something MORE . . . .
I want to Feel something, to Feel everything. I want passion, I want sparks, I want romance.
To Feel something is worth more than living a lie and pretending to make something out of nothing . . . .
FuN & GaMeS is for the coward and selfish, the ones who are too afraid to take risks. Those who are too sheltered in their own world to get out of their comfort zone and expose themselves to something bigger than themselves. Those who are too egocentric to love someone other than themselves.
Written By: Doris Alvarez
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To d i S c o v e R y O u
I w a n t
To discover you little by little or
A l l a t o n c e ….
I w a n t…
To explore every freckle on your body...
with the possibility of not finding a speckle
but instead a scar.
I'm aware that you aren't perfect, but still I want to explore you all....
and maybe I'll be surprised and there won't be a freckle nor a scar,
maybe there won't be nothing…
n o t h i n g a t a l l .
I'm aware that I won't ever know you completely
because you always find a way to surprise me.
In your phrases I often get lost trying to decipher…oh and wonder,
w h y i t i s y o u m e s m e r i z e m e ?
I'm a w a r e that I'll never know you entirely….
Yet, that doesn't frighten me.
Instead, it triggers curiosity inside me….
I'm a w a r e you have almost a decade of advantage when it comes to life
experience. Therefore, there might be things that I'll never understand about
you. Yet, that is something I can live with, because above every possibility of
any dark little secret, there’s l o y a l t y and k i n d n e s s engraved in
your h e a r t. A sort of kindness guiding me to happiness and the fundamental
key to find trust within you!
After all, there are many things I’ll never know….
A l l I k n o w i s :
------that having knowledge of numbers and words sometimes become
meaningless when. . . .
A C T I O N S
m a n a g e t o s t e a l y o u r h e a r t a w a y ------------
Written By: Doris Alvarez
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………♫♪♫ Bella Coincidencia ♪♫♪…………
De la nada apareciste como lluvia en el desierto
De la nada te volviste mi razón y mi tormento
Mas luego te veía y mi sueno te volvías
Como rayo de sol , como estrella del cielo,
Como nueve viajera, Como flor en pleno invierno
Poco a poco tu sonrisa provocaba mil cosquillas
Y esa bella coincidencia le dio vida a mi rutina
Y tu te convertiste en esa dulce melodía
Esa que cantaba cada noche, cada día.
Poco a poco tu existencia me llenaba de alegría.
Y tus besos eran alas, me elevaban día a día.
Tu mi bella coincidencia, la razón de mis sonrisas.
Me enseñaste que la vida sin ti nada valía
Tu amor pleno y sincero, yo todito te creía.
Inocencia, y pureza yo por ti todo daría.
De la nada apareciste como lluvia en el desierto
De la nada te volviste mi razón y mi tormento
Mas luego te veía y mi sueño te volvías .
Me elevabas día a día y por ti yo me moría.
Como rayo de sol , como estrella del cielo,
Como nueve viajera, como flor en pleno invierno
Poco a poco en ti yo fui creyendo, y perdí todo mi miedo.
Me di cuenta que el amor no es ninguna coincidencia.
Que el amor te llena y hasta avecés te libera.
Pero sobre todo, que el amor es puro, con o sin belleza.
Y que tu no fuiste ninguna coincidencia.”
Written By: Doris Alvarez
…………♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫……………
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A Poem Will Do
I wanted to write you a love letter & then I realized I didn’t want to bejust another girl who overwhelms you by pouring my heart and soul to you.
Instead of me writing, I’ve changed my mind.
I want you to write ….
I want to be the girl that inspires you to write well crafted sentences that have the power to captivate me with acouple of lines, composed of passionate words enough to make me feel alive.
I don’t need you to write me a novel, a letter nor do I need a song or a beautiful lullaby. In fact, a poem will do.
It can have a couple grammatical errors if you’d like, and can be crookedly handwritten not typed.
To be honest, that would make it more unique.....
All I need to know is that your love for me is deep enough to inspire a part of you that you never thought existed…. Deep enough to create something out of nothing….. The same way that your presence creates magical sparks out of any ordinary circumstance.
Written By: Doris Alvarez
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When & Where
When there is a lack of air, it becomes rather difficult to breathe.
Whenthere is a lack of company, there sits an empty space inside me.
Whenthere is doubt there is worry and concern.
Wherethere is white, you know the contrast is black.
Wherethere is a sky the is a dream, there is hope.
Inthe night light sky there is wishes upon every star, made by those
dreamers, Justlike you and I. But when you smile, there is only you, and
you become my air, you become my company, you become that worry
when the thought of losing you crosses my mind, you invade my dreams,
and you become the my wish in the night dark sky that shines, the
way only you would shine if you where a star and the only light I would
follow if I was lost in the dark . . . .
Written By: Doris Alvarez
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