twominutemilk

[twominutemilk]

01/04/23 13:52

Damn it’s been a long time hasn’t it? Three years sure do fly by. What can I say, I got into Udub, got into my major, met some amazing people, grown as a person so much, I finally graduated from a university. This is it, no “oh I have a couple more credits here and there”, that’s it, it’s over, I’m done with my undergraduate. Here I am. I didn’t do nearly as good as I thought or hoped, but I tried hard, really hard. I got so much better at school and at learning to be proud of myself. I have a new apartment (1st one) idk if I was there in my old entry but I’m here, it’s coo I like it a lot still. Got my nice car that I’ve had for like two years now. Damn what a feeling to be done and have everything. My own apartment with my beautiful and sexy girlfriend, amazing friends and family, a nice ass car, graduated from university. I remember when I started this account I was so deep in the trenches, my thoughts had me by the fucking throat and would never let go, a day wouldn’t go by where I wouldn’t worry about what I’m going to do with my future and if I was ever going to make it. I used to dream about having a life like this. Now here I am. Looking back at past Jeff, I wish I could tell him things get better, they truly do, I believe it now. I have hope in myself. I wish I could tell him all his worries were justified but that it all came together. Sure I wish I had a college experience but I’m glad I could just graduate with what I wanted. Here I am sitting in the shower just feelin some type of way. Now for future Jeff, our next step is the MCAT. That’s our big hurdle we gotta overcome as well as strengthening our application. This is for you future Jeff, if you’re reading this, you can do it. Honestly. Remember when you were at north Seattle, where you came from, failing classes left and right, not being able to study for labs just because you couldn’t. Now where you are a smart kid, helping others in university in biochemistry. Believe in yourself. If you can’t do it because of what you’ve done, believe in yourself for how far you’ve come. You couldn’t have come this far if you couldn’t do it. Remember where you came from and that you can do it. Even though you might not believe in yourself now as you’re reading this, I believe in you now as past Jeff. Keep your head high. Sigh, I really wonder where we’ll be next time you look at this. Maybe not for a couple years and maybe I’ll be in med school. Maybe I’ll have been rejected my first round, only time will tell.

[twominutemilk]

7/1/20 07:16

It’s been quite sometime huh. I’ve really been putting off writing this for a little bit but I finally heard back from Udub Seattle. They rejected me......but that’s okay because I got into udub bothell straight into my major! I also have this new apartment with the love of my life and the best friends I could have ever asked for. It’s crazy how it’s actually exactly 6 months after the last time I rolled and I tripped for the first time. It was fun and a night to remember but I’ll let the Snapchat memories speak for themselves. To you past Jeff, I wish I could hug you and tell you that everything will get better and that even though you didn’t get into the exact school you wanted, what you’re life has become is more than you could have ever wished for. And to you future Jeff, I don’t know if I’ll ever write again as I have no more need for this haha, but maybe I will it’s fun to look back on, I hope you’re doing the great things you’ve always wanted to do, and if you’re struggling... remember what got you this far, remember how you got here and how far you’ve worked. I know you don’t like to say it with your bad grades but it’s all behind you now isn’t it? Let it go, I’m just rambling but that’s Okayy. I just cleaned the apartment and I’ll be ready to go snuggle my other half. If you read this Monica this is what I was doing after I finished cleaning, looking out the window on your chair just being reflective and getting ready for the future Jeff cause i don’t even know the next problems he’ll face. But I love you Monicaaa and I love you too future Jeff. Take care.

[twominutemilk]

5/15/20 18:48

It’s been a little while since I’ve submitted my application to both schools. I really hope I get into at least one. If I don’t idk what I’ll do. I always think that I’ll be okay if I don’t but I honestly don’t know. My friend just got in for summer quarter and I wish they would just let me know already. Everyday I beg that I can do it. My time is coming soon. Cheers

[twominutemilk]

BoJack Horseman S06E10 ‘Good Damage’

[twominutemilk]

x

[twominutemilk]

2/9/20 20:21

Hello again, Here I am at ode studying with Will and that one girl. I am almost done with my personal statement and even though I know it can use a little bit of work I am happy with it. It's the simple moments like these that i really appreciate my friends as they were here for me as I come to terms with what has been holding me down for years. I know whatever happens after I submit my application that I’ll have tried my best. To the future jeff, I wish us both good luck. I hope you can look back to this one day with Monica and see have a good laugh about how fucking sad this whole thread is. But if I didn't get in, to you future jeff, I know it hurts, I know you're probably crying as you're reading this or even before you started reading. But I wish I could hug you right now and tell you that it's okay. past Jeff is in a better mental state than you right now. I know you tried your best and that you need these words of encouragement. But you’ll be okay, i promise.

[twominutemilk]

1/10/20 00:29

I’m here writing my personal statement at ode and every time I ask you for help on it you always seem annoyed or angry that I can’t get it right, your tone is hurts my feelings and whenever I try to open up it seems like you just don’t care. I just feel so alone, but i know it’s not your fault. It’s not your job to make me happy, that’s something that I should be able to do on my own.

[twominutemilk]

1/9/20 20:49

Idk why I just feel like such shit, I’ve been in such a down mood, I’ve been so stressed idk what to do. Even though I have people around me I still feel so alone...

[twominutemilk]

1/9/20 3:00am

Hey, it’s been a while huh, I’ve been okay, i went to Europe, did okay fall quarter and it’s the start of winter. I made lots of new friends, traveled to California. Idk I should be happy...right? Yesterday I had a panic attack in the car while on the way home. Normally I can handle crying but this time was different, I couldn’t breathe, my vision got blurry, my hands felt numb, I had to pull over and get out of the car. I have to apply soon to udub it’s due in a month and my personal statement is still so fucking shit. What if I don’t get in, what if this was all for nothing, what will I do with my life, do I just overdose on molly so I can be happy in my final moments. I’m just rambling at this point, Monica just finished her reveal for her sorority and I’m so happy for her, she’s reall out here making so many advancements and what am I doing? I’m still fucking stuck here, how long has it been? 4, 5 years? Everyday doesn’t go by where I don’t hate myself more and more and no one would understand. While I was watching Monica’s reveal and I finally got what I wanted, a room of people, just like me, my age, looked like me, liked doing the same things as me, but I still felt all alone, as everybody cheered I sat there still feeling like an outcast. I just feel so empty and lonely. Whatever I’m just rambling at this point while I sit in the shower. To future Jeff reading this, I hope you’re better, I really do, I hope I worked hard for you, I wish you could be here right now and hug me and tell me it’ll all be okay. But life’s not a fairy tale this isn’t a story that has a happy ending. If I died the world would just keep spinning.

[twominutemilk]

[twominutemilk]

my grades are shit and my life is falling apart but if this were a novel right now would probably be the start of a redemption arc so I’m staying hopeful

[twominutemilk]

[twominutemilk]

Depression Army

[twominutemilk]

Sometimes I get so mad at myself like.. I have so much potential and I don’t put it to use, I could achieve so many things but instead I procrastinate and waste my time in things that don’t matter. I could throw my phone away and lock myself in my house with my books but it wouldn’t change anything. It’s all in my head, I’m my fucking limit and I don’t know how to cross it. I’m stopping myself and I don’t know what to do to change that…

[twominutemilk]

[twominutemilk]

[twominutemilk]

8/26/19 12:16 PM

Here I am, the times coming where I have to apply to my dream school after all this time, and I’m scared. I’m soon going to have all the credits I can get here. and there will be nowhere else to go. I know I won't get in this time but it will be a good experience for myself since I couldn’t bring myself to do it before.