twizwhiz

[twizwhiz]

jaden just hit the cleanest moonwalk i’ve seen since MJ

[twizwhiz]

One time a guy and I were having an argument and he pulled a knife on me, and because I’m a dumbass idiot my response was to take out MY knife and go “what now, genius?” And what happened next was we just stood there for ten straight minutes not moving because niether of us wanted to put the knife down first and basically that’s our entire international situation regarding nuclear weapons

[twizwhiz]

[twizwhiz]

Whatever, man, solar eclipses aren’t nearly as cool as lunar eclipses. A lunar eclipse is at NIGHT and the MOON turns BLOOD RED and you don’t need dumb glasses to watch it. It’s goth as hell. Fuck the sun.

[twizwhiz]

[twizwhiz]

maybe im sauteeing bell peppers, green onions, and mushrooms in garlic butter. maybe im not. depends whos asking

[twizwhiz]

lil nas x is barely twenty he’s just a normal young gay black kid who wrote a fun carefree song about a video game and got mega famous literally overnight. he literally came out as a response to pressure and public outing and now people are using that to make crass innuendo because now that he’s gay it’s suddenly a dirty sexual thing i’m so tired. just be normal and let him be a normal young man.

[twizwhiz]

why doesn’t biblical art ever depict the Snake from the tree with legs. God took away legs from Snakes because the Snake in the tree right? So why doesn’t he ever have legs!!!

[twizwhiz]

It’s Fourth of July Eve so make sure to leave some milk and cookies out for Captain America

[twizwhiz]

"How to find the right glasses for your face shape", oh, bullshit. You pick ones you think a hot scientist in a bad horror movie would wear and then you just go do whatever.

[twizwhiz]

he had to sneeze

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Citra is REALLY bad at meowing. She sounds like a broken party favor when she remembers to actually meow.

[twizwhiz]

i always forget my grandma used to be a clown so it caught me the fuck off guard when she saw this

and no hesitation saying “oh it’s that creepy clown- oh he’s drinking that’s against clown code”

[twizwhiz]

These cats live in our office, this is where they sleep

[twizwhiz]

today i saw a cat who immediately and casually hissed at me on sight but after i said “that’s rude” he meowed politely

[twizwhiz]

I DROPPED MY FUCKING PHONE YALL ZENDAYA JUST WENT FERAL WITH ALL THE MARY JANE TODAY SHE JUST DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE

[twizwhiz]

the other day at work, I met a man who I think was 100% a werewolf. he was very charismatic but in a weird way and it was cold but california cold and he had on a very large fur coat and flannel underneath with a single huge tooth on a necklace? he even had sharp canine teeth that did that thing that anime boys do and poke out a little when he smiled?? I saw him for 5 seconds but he was very beautiful and was buying raw meat.