twfaison-blog

[twfaison-blog]

*Looks at the fantasy western I’m writing.* Oh no.

every old western

stranger: [rides into town and goes to saloon]

bartender: hello stranger, I suggest you get the fuck out of here. Don’t start shit. Please. We’re begging you

stranger: ok [immediately starts shit]

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Same.

Hey all, my Patreon page is LIVE! It’s currently only a ‘tip jar’ sort of deal at the moment, but if you want early access to my WiPs, sketches, and the like, that’s where they’ll be! It’s only $1 a month to join the first Tier, and I’d be so very grateful!

https://www.patreon.com/blufeniix

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Wait. They were supposed to run from a dragon? An adult white dragon has an 80ft fly speed. And white dragons specifically are more primal and enjoy the thrill of the hunt. That’s just a bad DM move. 

The legend of Gungnir, the dragon suplexing giant

Andris (my wild mage) decided that he wants a big ass sword roughly the size of a tree, so that he can wield it with Bigby’s Hand. He also wanted it made of Mythral, so that it could be better imbued with magic, not to mention so it’s actually light enough for the hand to use. Also a side note, I use the Net Libram of Magical Effects, a table of 10,000 chaos bursts, rather than the standard one. Keeps things extra interesting.

We could have paid 60,000 gold and waited a month, but we cut the wait and price in half by telling the smith we’ll go get the material ourselves. So this becomes a big quest, involving climbing the tallest mountain in the area to get a fuckload of mythral.

We climb this mountain, and take rest in a cave near the top.

Naiou (tabaxi rogue, who’s basically our babysitter): So, why am I babysitting you guys again? Why are we in this cold ass mountain?

Andris: Because Ravi (leader of the thieve’s guild which most of us are a part of) doesn’t want us to die, and one of his baubles might be on this mountain. Also I need mythral for a giant sword.

Naiou: Okay, but *why* though?

Andris: Ravi probably thinks we’ll die without your supervision. (I should note she’s also a guest character and really doesn’t like me) Anyway, let’s all get going ahead.

DM: You come across a very open area, and see a very, very large creature curled up at the edge of the room. Everyone roll a dexterity saving throw.

*Everyone rolls high enough, except for our (now clinically depressed) Barbarian, Gungnir, who slips a bit on the ice and kicks a rock right at the creature.

Dragon: Who are you? …Did you bring me my next meal?

Gungnir: My name’s Gungnir, nah, I didn’t bring you food but could we live here for a while? *rolls low on persuasion*

Dragon: Heh heh heh, you can stay a long time… But you won’t be living. *dragon gets up and gets ready for a fight*

Now, our party is NOT ready to fight an adult white dragon. We have seven level 5s, against a CR13 dragon. 

We roll initiative, warlock goes at the top of the round. He sends his familiar to distract the dragon while the rest of us escape, but the familiar gets instantly killed by the dragon’s breath. The ranger comes up next, and shoots the dragon with his bow. He does decent damage, but not enough to faze the dragon.

The dragon comes up, blocks the exit, and does a single claw attack on our paladin, dealing about ¾ of her health in that single hit. 

Daisy (half-incubus cleric): I cast Enhance Ability for Strength on Gungnir, and end my turn.

Andris: I twincast Enlarge/Reduce on Gungnir and the dragon, making Gungnir’s size class grow to large, and the dragon’s size class decrease to large. *Gungnir and I look at each other and nod to confirm he knows what I’m planning*

DM rolls for the con save for the dragon, fails with a 2. 

Gungnir: I’m going to grapple the dragon.

DM: Hold on there bucko, I didn’t roll for Andris’s chaos bursts yet. *rolls two d20s since twincast, gets 20 for both* Alright… Gungnir, your torso begins glowing a very bright light, nearly blindingly bright. And the dragon… *expression of pain* You’ll see.

DM: So you grapple the dragon, okay, cool. 

It loops back to the ranger, who shoots his thunder bow at the dragon. He overdraws his bow, causing a MASSIVE thunder wave, knocking some roughly human sized icicles from the ceiling. 

DM: *roll* *roll* *mixed look of worry and excitement*

DM: Alright, some icicles fall from the ceiling, and everyone is safe aside from Gungnir. You get impaled by an icicle, and die instantly, now pinned to the dragon that you were grappling.

The dragon’s turn comes around and he just takes off at top speed out of the cavern.

DM: So, that wild burst on the dragon? It constantly runs away from you as long as you’re within a mile of it. But oh, that’s not all. Since he and Gungnir are the same size, he cannot fly. He takes 20d20 falling damage and… *rolls a few times* dies immediately. Congrats, asshole. Your absurd luck has prevailed once again against an enemy that you were supposed to RUN AWAY FROM. You all gain two levels, except for Gungnir. You have to make a new character.

Before we left the cave, I stole the dragon’s entire hoard of gold, and got the mythral we were here for in the first place. I had five portable holes, one gets completely filled with gold (for a grand total of nine million gold, which I’m not sure the DM knows or will accept), and three full of mythral. We go down and skin the dragon, taking every bit and piece we can, putting all the meat, scales and things in our Bag of Colding™ and draining the blood into my last empty portable hole (for a bit more than two thousand gallons of dragon blood if my math is right). So now we’re filthy rich at level 7, and have an entire dragon corpse in our bag. Our entire group was out of commission for a good half hour just laughing our asses off and discussing the implications of the wild burst.

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The sad thing is that’s not even true, the shootings perpetrated by white kids are just the only shootings that get coverage despite a large amount of them not being perpetrated by white kids. Basically, the societal sickness that causes school shootings to occur doesn’t tend to discriminate between race, only how media outlets report those events. So... yeah that stereotype is actually pretty harmful for a lot of reasons, mostly cause it provides a disservice to the communities dealing with school shootings that don’t have those events properly covered, as well as... I guess we probably shouldn’t state information that isn’t factual to form negative stereotypes? That’s actually pretty important, we shouldn’t ignore that last one, but I’m more worried about the former. Here’s a list of school shooters that were not white males:  https://schoolshooters.info/sites/default/files/shooters_not_white_males_1.19.pdf And here’s a general statistics board on mass shooters in general based on race and gender (Most tend to be male, but that’s not surprising, men tend to be more likely to commit mass acts of violence, or be serial killers. Maybe due to hormones? Personally I think it’s social programming): https://www.statista.com/statistics/476456/mass-shootings-in-the-us-by-shooter-s-race/ Now, to clarify, I’m not saying that the narrative people push around bullying creating school shootings is right, mind you. It can be a motivation behind someone’s choice to commit violence, but so can gang-related reasons, over-all mental illness, or many other reasons. Easy access to guns just enables everyone to commit more violence for those reasons. In every case, those reasons do not justify the actions. Bullying does indeed suck, but it is a survivable offense. Murder, by its definition, is not. However, I also don’t think we should support unfounded arguments to combat... unfounded arguments.

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Hello Roger

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This is amazing

i want to be given verbal encouragement by a dog who speaks in a deep otherworldly voice 

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These are bothe really great artists and they are working for way cheaper than they should be right now. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT!... also @blufeniix deserves that new lawnmower.

Alright, I’m figuring out a few things right now, but here’s something to start it off. I made a post a few weeks ago about how we needed a new lawn mower. Our old one just isn’t cutting it anymore (oops is that a pun?), and it’s not gonna last much longer.

So I’ve set up a goal on my Ko-Fi. At the least we need $160 for a decent push mower, and if you like, with each donation I can do a pencil sketch! Just leave a note that the donation is for the lawn mower, and something for me to link you to on Tumblr so I can share the sketch with you when it’s done!

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since you donated to blu's fund lemme know if u have an oc or otherwise you'd like drawn!!

Absolutely! I’d really appreciate that. Depending on what’s easier I’d either love to get a sketch of the Dandymen from one of my horror books (scarred, gaunt, dead eyed men in tweed suits), or a character from a new book I’m working on (Fantasy style, big mountain of a man in leather style armor with a big ol’ scimitar on his back).I of course will describe in more detail either one of these characters you’d prefer.

[twfaison-blog]

WE HAD SIXTY COPIES DOWNLOADED YESTERDAY, LET’S KEEP UP THE TREND!

FREE FOR A LIMITED TIME

Five days from now this book won’t be free! GET IT NOW WHILE IT IS FREE! https://www.amazon.com/Rex-Monstra-Cycle-T-Faison/dp/1520348754/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1494460545&sr=8-1&keywords=rex+monstra

[twfaison-blog]

FREE FOR A LIMITED TIME

Five days from now this book won’t be free! GET IT NOW WHILE IT IS FREE! https://www.amazon.com/Rex-Monstra-Cycle-T-Faison/dp/1520348754/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1494460545&sr=8-1&keywords=rex+monstra

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FREE STUFF!

Rex Monstra, book one of The Cycle, will be offered FREE for a limited time. Starting Thursday, May 11th, until next Monday, May 15th, you will be able to purchase Rex Monstra on Amazon, absolutely free! 

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So, let me set the scene here. It’s a stress marathon of a week(or month, depends on one’s perspective), and suddenly stress Donkey Kong has appeared and started throwing anxiety barrels my way. I’m low on sleep, have no real extended time to breath in my near future, so the day was looking to be a challenging one. Then lo and behold, I open up Tumblr for a split second (Cause I’ve been unable to check it consistently for a while) and I see this... about three minutes of running giddily in a circle later I realized I was late for something and had to run off, but I am still positively beaming two hours later.  Yeah, today is officially a fantastic day. THANK YOU SO MUCH @blufeniix

As The Kindly One continued to speak, their sweet breath invading Johnny’s nostrils, he found himself seeing shapes above him, making out details where there appeared to be only empty space before. It horrified him, the idea that he might be seeing features of the creature above him, and yet he couldn’t look away. Soon he could see moving pink lips, full curves of flesh that bordered square, brilliantly white teeth.

Finished @twfaison‘s Festum last night and HOT DIGGITY DANG, The Kindly One was creepier this game than the last. Love love love this series, and can’t wait for the next one! (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

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It’s Here

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071XRJCXN/ref=sr_1_2… Oh look, a book For you to look And buy Oh my Just buy before I die of bad poetry

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AWWW THANK YOU! I read this and got the biggest grin on my face!

@twfaison HOLY!!! CRAPOLI!!!

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It’s Here

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071XRJCXN/ref=sr_1_2… Oh look, a book For you to look And buy Oh my Just buy before I die of bad poetry

[twfaison-blog]

It’s Here

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071XRJCXN/ref=sr_1_2… Oh look, a book For you to look And buy Oh my Just buy before I die of bad poetry

[twfaison-blog]

Comment on Festum from Beta Reader

"...I really #$@&%*! loved this book." - @mouseyfox take on Festum after being one of the Beta Readers for it. Festum will be released the Saturday of this weekend and will be available in paperback and kindle format.