twclvesteps

[twclvesteps]

“I thought I could take you out for lunch.” It was Mother’s Day after all and Fawn still wanted to do something nice for her mom, even if in the past this holiday hadn’t been celebrated a lot, or even in the past they had a shaky relationship.

she answers the door expecting another solicitor - they're the only ones who seem to visit these days. but to her delight , she finds her daughter standing on the front step , proposing an outing - just the two of them. a smile pulls across her lips. she can't remember the last time either of the girls had acknowledged mother's day , not that colleen thought there was much to celebrate. she ended up being pretty shit at the job. but she would take any excuse to spend the afternoon with her daughter.

❝ i would love to go out for lunch ! anywhere you want. let me just grab my purse. ❞ she steps back inside to grab the bag off the chair in the kitchen before stepping outside and pulling the door shut.

❝ oh this will be so much fun ! where do you want to go ? ❞

[twclvesteps]

❛  do you even care how much you hurt me?  ❜ / dawn @godsdefied

sure , maybe she had a little too much to drink , but she hadn't done it intentionally to hurt anyone. least of all , her daughters. but somehow they always got caught in the crossfire. she leans against the wall so she can unlace her boots without tipping over , eyes rolling at the question. she definitely shouldn't have driven home , but she usually had good luck with the law in charming. she tosses her keys onto the side table and busies herself sweeping her hair into a bun. ❝ 'fcourse i care. ❞ she mumbles , ❝ i just think you're bein' a little sensitive. ❞ something she never would have said while sober. she always wanted to be a good mother , but some days everything just felt so heavy and she wanted to actually relax for a bit , so what ? ❝ ― i mean , christ , all i did was have a few drinks. ❞

[twclvesteps]

colleen's walking in the door when her phone rings , she tosses her keys onto the side table and looks at the screen. the name she always hopes to see is there , she pushes the door closed and answers , exchanging greetings and immediately commenting how good it was to hear from her daughter. she tries to make sure they talk every few weeks , more if possible , but never less. even if it's just to hear that everything is okay , it settles her anxiety. with dawn it was always about asking for money. ❝ oh , i uh ― i just got home from a meeting. ❞ an alcoholics anonymous meeting , that is. she trusted that fawn understood what that meant. ❝ how 'bout you ? how are you ? ❞

*phone call prompts | [ 📞 ] ‘ it’s good to hear your voice. ’ ( from colleeeeen ) asked by @twclvesteps

Fawn had stared at the CONTACT INFORMATION for her mom for what felt like minutes . . . maybe it had been. Every now and again she called to check up on her and every time she did she was scared to death that she'd her the slur in her mother's voice, that she'd returned to old habits she'd promised to break. She tried not to be disappointed, not after hearing those promises again and again, but she always ways. She finally pressed the call button and after a few rings, her mom's voice was on the other end of the line. She couldn't tell yet what condition she was. ❝ Yours, too, mom, ❞ she said quietly, years of exhaustion weighing in her voice. ❝ What are you up to? ❞

[twclvesteps]

it was a long drive , but she was exceedingly lucky to have made it all the way to charming given that she was half a bottle deep. the alcohol was a familiar embrace and she fell into it's waiting arms the moment tig hung up the phone. your daughter is dead. her stomach churns and the bile fills her throat , with grief waiting on her doorstep , all she could think of was how to push it away. replace it with anger. the car skids into the all-too-familiar lot and she throws the door open , getting out and slamming it behind her. she leaves the bottle behind , but it's obvious what she's been doing. her breath smells and her feet criss-cross over each other as she stumbles. she hikes her purse up onto her shoulder and looks around.

tig calls her attention and wild eyes find him in the lot. he hadn't given any details as to her death , and colleen knew what that meant. she had been around the club long enough to know a bad situation when she saw one. she had moved them away for that very reason , so the club's violence wouldn't take her family. too little too late. now her heart was broken , any chance of being a good mother ― of making amends ― was gone.

❝ alex. ❞ she huffs , choosing not to comment on the fact that he hadn't changed much in the decade that stood between them. he was the same curly haired, blue eyed outlaw that she fell in love with. it's familiar in all the wrong ways. causes an itch under her skin that makes her want to run. she doesn't share his need for formalities in that moment , no interest in talking about the drive. ❝ ― damnit , alex. no , i don't want to talk about the drive. i want you to tell me what the fuck happened here. why was she here ? what did you do ? ❞

It was his fault. Dawn. He knew it too. He had no one to blame but himself and his stupid impulsiveness. If he had just waited and asked some more questions then maybe his daughter would still be alive, maybe things with Pope would've gone over differently. But there was no changing that, no going back on it-- what happened happened and he had no one to blame but himself. And to make all of that even worse-- he had yet to tell @twclvesteps specifically what happened. He'd called her, told her Dawn had died... but his ex-wife hadn't a clue (or maybe she did) that Tig was involved in it. He wasn't going to tell her over the phone, she deserved better than that and really... maybe Tig was hoping she'd swing on him. He needed it. No one else was willing to knock him down and he knew getting into a fight in town would only escalate things. But Colleen? Oh she'd surely do something. He hoped for it.

He was sitting outside the clubhouse when she pulled in, his eyes flicking up from the cigarette he'd been staring at in debate of finishing or tossing. The sound of the car swinging in was enough to make him decide, dropping the stick of nicotine then squashing it with the toe of his boot. He straightens against the table digging into his back only to push off it, rising to his full height as Colleen gets out of her car. He watches her momentarily while she searches the area for him-- breath catching somewhat in his chest out of anxious reasons. Now, mind you, Tig wasn't normally an anxious person but there was no telling what was about to happen. Outside of hoping he gets punched into next week--

"Colleen!" He calls to her knowing the next few minutes weren't going to be easy, blues flicking to watch as a few others who'd been outside enjoying smokes now move indoors. He clears his throat as his ex walks towards him and his voice falls out carefully, "I'd ask how the drive was, but I doubt you wanna talk about it."

[twclvesteps]

she eyes the rejected carton but makes no move to retrieve it. the irony falls flat -- she knows all about being an addict. ❝ yeah , i suppose it's better to stay away , then. ❞ she takes another puff on the cigarette and deliberately blows the smoke away from juniper. she appreciates the younger coming by - any company was appreciated. except for maybe gemma. the matriarch always had choice words on parenting to offer colleen. she leans her elbow on the table and then her chin on her hand , ❝ 'bout a week ago. ❞ colleen doesn't reveal the part about sending her daughter two hundred dollars , with a strained promise to talk again before the month was over. ❝ she's okay. living with her boyfriend again. said something about a new job. it was a short call. ❞

Juniper eyed the carton of cigarettes and shook her head. ❝ No, thanks. Sometimes I worry I might have an addictive personality and once I start, I may not be able to quit. ❞ She gently pushed the pack across the table but smiled nonetheless at Colleen in appreciation of her offer. That didn't distract her from being concerned though, still worried about what was going on with Tig's old lady. She had been through a lot, more than most people should, and she just wanted to check in on her. ❝ Have you talked to Fawn lately? ❞

[twclvesteps]

colleen was no stranger to hangovers. she´d woken up with her own head pounding this morning , her fingers still wrapped around the neck of the bottle. but she´d chased the feeling away with a beer , reviving the buzz from the night prior. alex is still sleeping , so colleen had busied herself making coffee and picking up empty beer cans from around the clubhouse. the next person to wake is a young girl , a crow eater from the looks of it.

¨ sorry , darlin´. ¨ colleen answers , leaning against the bar , ¨ haven´t seen ´em. ¨ the coffee mug clinks as she sets it on the counter and fills it with the fresh brewed liquid. ¨ coffee , at least. ¨ she pushes the mug across the counter. the girl looks lost and colleen doesn´t recognize her. no telling where she came from or who she spent the night with. ¨ anything else i can do ? want me to call you a cab or somethin' ? the boys won't be up for a while , i'm guessing. "

A new face in the club and in the earlier hours of the morning too. Her hair is messed up and her head is pounding she looks fucking lost. She looks at Colleen not recognizing her face from last night. She looks at the woman a bit confused before clearing her throat. "Have you- do you." She pauses like she's trying to collect her thoughts. "I'm looking for pants- my pants. Jeans uh dark wash rips in the knees. Seen those anywhere? I'm hungover as shit sorry- fuck I need coffee and pants."

@twclvesteps // soa starter

[twclvesteps]

" i wasn't always like this. " she flicks the cigarette over the ashtray before returning it to her mouth. " i mean -- " she waves her hand in the air to show that she was referencing everything around them. " i used to be kind , soft. it's all gone now. "

@fuckedhorror / sc.

[twclvesteps]

starter call.

[twclvesteps]

colleen pinches the bridge of her nose , shaking herself back to a more present reality. she had been drifting a lot , she's not exactly sober these days. she had fallen back into bad patterns , hiding the truth. she's catering to a dull buzz , currently. not drunk enough for anyone to notice , she hopes. " nothing happened. " colleen states simply , lighting up a cigarette and taking a long drag. it's harsher than the tea that's offered , and she favors the nicotine buzz. " want one ? " she pushes the carton and lighter across the table. " i'm fine , just reminiscing , i guess. ain't no reason to be worried about me. "

the mountain goats lyrics rp memes | i think i hear angels in my ears. asked by @twclvesteps

❝ You say something like that and it starts to worry me. ❞ The cup of tea clinked against the table as she set it down in from of the other woman, hoping it was enough to soothe her after a stressful morning. ❝ What happened? ❞

[twclvesteps]

No Future, 2021

dir. Mark Smoot, Andrew Irvine

[twclvesteps]

No Future, 2021

dir. Mark Smoot, Andrew Irvine

[twclvesteps]

starter call.

[twclvesteps]

forever, episode 4

[twclvesteps]

We Don’t Belong Here, 2017

dir. Peer Pedersen

[twclvesteps]

Catherine Keener as Sally Jackson,

Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief (2010), directed by Chris Columbus and based on the novel by Rick Riordan.

[twclvesteps]

an independent , selective roleplay blog for COLLEEN TRAGER from sons of anarchy. mutuals and adults only. heavy and triggering themes. by angela.

carrd.

[twclvesteps]

🐝  *  ―  𝑬𝑴𝑶𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑳𝒀 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑮𝑬𝑫 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  why did you have to leave me?  ❜ ❛  how could you do this to me?  ❜ ❛  i trusted you!  ❜ ❛  i'm sorry, but i can't do this anymore.  ❜ ❛  do you even care how much you hurt me?  ❜ ❛  i'll never stop fighting for us, no matter what.  ❜ ❛  i don't know if i can forgive you.  ❜ ❛  i never thought i'd feel so alone, even when you're right here.  ❜ ❛  please don't go, i can't handle losing you too.  ❜ ❛  you were the one person i thought i could always count on. why did you have to let me down?  ❜ ❛  did you ever even care about us? about me?  ❜ ❛  i wish i could hate you for what you've done, but i can't.  ❜ ❛  why do you always have to play games with my feelings?  ❜ ❛  i never thought saying goodbye would hurt this much.  ❜ ❛  every time i close my eyes, all i see is the pain you've caused.  ❜ ❛  why do you insist on tearing us apart when we could be so happy together?  ❜ ❛  i'm tired of pretending everything's okay when it's clearly not.  ❜ ❛  i don't even know who you are anymore.  ❜ ❛  i need you to understand how much you mean to me.  ❜ ❛  i'm scared of losing you, but i'm even more scared of losing myself.  ❜ ❛  why won't you let me in? what are you so afraid of?  ❜ ❛  you were my world, and now everything is falling apart.  ❜ ❛  how am i supposed to trust anyone after what you've done?  ❜ ❛  i can't go through this heartache again.  ❜ ❛  why did you leave without saying goodbye?  ❜ ❛  how could you say something like that to me?  ❜ ❛  you've always had a way of making me feel worthless.  ❜ ❛  don't you dare walk away from me when i'm talking to you.  ❜ ❛  please, just tell me the truth, even if it hurts. i can handle it.  ❜ ❛  i don't know how to fix what's broken between us anymore.  ❜ ❛  you're not the person i fell in love with anymore.  ❜ ❛  just hold me and tell me everything will be okay, even if it's a lie.  ❜ ❛  i trusted you, and you betrayed me.  ❜ ❛  i never meant to hurt you, it was never my intention.  ❜ ❛  i've given you everything, and it's still not enough.  ❜ ❛  why do you always have to make everything about you?  ❜ ❛  why did you do it? why did you betray me like that?  ❜ ❛  i miss you ... more than words can say.  ❜ ❛  you're the best thing that ever happened to me, and i'm scared of losing you.  ❜ ❛  i'll always be here for you, no matter what. just please don't shut me out.  ❜