tvsoulmates

[tvsoulmates]

What You Should Know: Broad City (S1E10)

When the girls rate a guy a 6.5, they are actually talking about their dick size. 

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You Got Lines: March 23 to 29

Spyke: "We want our own lane, for cars!" Iris: “The fact that there are roads sort of implies that they’re for cars.” - Portlandia

“If you want to commit a crime, this is a great car to do it in, because how would you describe it? You can’t.” - Portlandia

"Nose, vagina, butthole. If God didn't want us to put our fingers there, why did she make them all perfectly finger-sized?" - Ilana, Broad City

"Love doesn’t make sense. You can’t logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally non-sensical but we have to keep doing it or else we’re lost and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in - because love is the best thing we do." - Ted, How I Met Your Mother

"It's MY garden party, and Zachary Quinto is not on the list!" - Schmidt, New Girl

"Vivian is my fiancee. My ex-fiancee. My never-wife." - Charles,  Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Mitchell: You sound just like the kid who bullied me into smoking my first cigarette. Claire: Maybe this time you won't tell on me. - Modern Family

"The English language cannot fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts, so I'm incorporating Emoji into my speech to better express myself. Winky-face." - Gina, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"Breakups are a cartoony thumbs down. They make people feel face-with-Xs-for-the-eyes." - Gina, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Cam: You wanna tell me how you accidentally gave someone your key? Mitchell: You wanna tell me why you spent all day sipping tequila out of some guy's navel? Cam: You saw that? Mitchell: I guessed! - Modern Family

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What You Should Know: Scandal (S3E15)

OOOO face Mellie.

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What You Should Know: The Mindy Project (S2E11)

If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again.

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What You Should Know: Scandal (S3E5)

Olivia Pope handles a hallway.

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You Got Lines: May 4 to 10

"I just saw the inside of your butt!" - Mindy, The Mindy Project

Phil: How low can you go? Haley: I'm at a roller rink with my family on a Saturday night. I win! - Modern Family

"If they make fun of you, I'll punch them in the penis." - Elizabeth, New Girl

Jeremy: What happened to the photo of your father? Danny: That was my mother man! - The Mindy Project

"Aww time to heal more, that's so sweet and sensitive. Why did you kill that part of yourself?" - Cam to Mitchell, Modern Family

Britta: When's the graduation ceremony? Jeff: Never. It's community college. You send in some papers and they stop charging you. - Community

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What You Should Know: Modern Family (S4E22)

Phil and Gloria has a skating moment.

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What You Should Know: New Girl (S2E13)

The best way to cool off is to remember "you caught him pleasuring himself to a mail-order steak catalog."

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What You Should Know: Pretty Little Liars (S3E24)

Mona summarizes in one look how we generally feel about every damn episode this season.

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What You Should Know: Community (S401)

My lady parts can't handle this but welcome back!

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You Got Lines: Feb. 3 to 9

"It's Robin Sparkles 4 y'all"” - Barney, How I Met Your Mother

Lily: I am so happy right now.  Marshall: I want to see her throw her life away so badly. Ted: We're all terrible people. Turn it up. - How I Met Your Mother

“Hey! M. Night Shyamalan, I got a twist ending for you: Shut. Up. You better watch it, buddy, because I will Calcutt-a bitch up in here. I will Cal-cutt-a bitch!” - Schmidt - New Girl

Cece: You know why we’re at table 34? Nick: ‘Cause we’re both bad at life, but we have model-good looks? - New Girl

Mindy: To show my gratitude for this kindness, we can choose any city of the Real Housewives to watch. Danny: Miami. - The Mindy Project

Abed: Last year he wished we got Bin Laden and Doritos Taco. Troy: Yeah but Obama got credit for both - Community

Santana: Look, please don't tell my mom. Sue: Oh, I can't. I don't speak Spanish. - Glee

"There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats." - Ron, Parks and Recreation

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What You Should Know: How I Met Your Mother (S8E15)

Robin Sparkles Daggers invented grunge.

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You Got Lines: Jan. 27 to Feb. 2

"Thank you America. That’s our show. Not a lot of people watched it but the joke’s on you, because we got paid anyway.” - Tracy, 30 Rock

Danny: You're the lady that says she'll have what she's having. Mindy: I'm Rob Reiner's mother? - The Mindy Project

"Call me Melanie Griffith because I'm gonna be Workin Girllll." - Brad, Happy Endings

Schmidt: I'm gonna have sex tonight. Are you two in? Winston: Is that the way you wanted to say that? - New Girl

"Dammit! Been trying to get something going with myself for a full hour. It's like a taffy pole on a hot summer's day." - Schmidt, New Girl

"He's avoiding me. What am I my son's piano recital?" - Tracy, 30 Rock

"What's a butt plug?" - Shoshanna, Girls

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What You Should Know: Happy Endings (S3E12)

Take advantage of stripper glitter.

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What You Should Know: Parks and Recreation (S5E10)

Bachelorette theme? All penis everything.

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What You Should Know: How I Met Your Mother (S8E11)

In the words of the almighty Destiny's Child, please say his name.

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You Should Watch This Too: Fey & Poehler do the Golden Globes

The only reasons you should be watching this year's Golden Globes: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Seriously, how did Smash get nominated over Parks and Recreation? And where is Lohan's nomination for Best Actress in a Comedy for Liz & Dick?