my body is a cage. we take what we're given. just because you've forgotten doesn't mean you're forgiven.
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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âLook me in the eyes when you leave me.â
â T. // excerpt from a letter Iâll never send #51Â (via 89words)
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THE GRAY MAN, 2022.
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â  . Ë  â
. ă  RYAN GOSLING. FORTY THREE. CIS MAN. HE/HIM. ăJACKSON "JACK" AMBROSE, otherwise known as TALBOT, joined the libertalia thirteen years ago as a PHANTOM. around libertalia, the PISCES has a reputation for being DRIVEN & DISCONNECTED perhaps because they're best known for recovery of the florentine diamond of  which  they are most proud. while preparing for a heist, they listen to LE PERV by CARPENTER BRUT. makes sense considering they remind me of: long and spidered scars covering spare flesh across the back, shoulders & chest; a mouth always busy with gum, toothpicks, or licking lips to keep fixation at bay ... to keep from lapsing into old habits; the dregs of a southern accent lost to the wages of time and purposely forgotten; && a switch flicked to turn on work mode, where humanity and emotion are dropped in lieu of efficiency in the vein of a job well done - nothing less than 100%.
triggers for military mention, child neglect, gambling && emotional / physical abuse.
one thing was incredibly clear to jack ambrose from the moment he could comprehend the hand that life had dealt him: nothing would come easy, and nothing would be worth the time if it was.
his mother always had the ability to making a decent living for her son and herself, but squandered all of her earnings on selfish means instead. she was certainly a beautiful woman: alluring both physically and with a wit sharp as a bladeâs edge, but all of her attention had always been selfish. surely it was habit taught to her from a young age, something she never bothered to break before she involved herself in other human interactions, but it was likely her beauty and charm that had seduced the man who impregnated her - and the likes of his name were never so much as whispered around offspring. jack has never known the his name.
babies should be a joyous occasion, and yet alessia ambrose found a way to make it entirely self-involved. her body had to bear the pain, her child was what made everyone so pleased, her creation. anyone who dared to involve themselves in the mess of his motherâs life was sure to see how narcissistic the beautiful woman was, and yet no one pressed a finger onto the issue.
but such is the way of the world, so often are children abandoned to their fates.
he was a beautiful baby, but grew to be an awkward toddler, an awkward little boy. alessia made no attempt to hide her disgust at how her creation could be so gangly and ungainly, could stow away for hours with quiet toys that suggested knowledge more than play with other children. but perhaps that was for the better â she couldnât very well brag and show up with something like him, her offerings would be meager in comparison to children who were the spitting images of their beautiful parents. simple genetics, the awkward transitional period of a child, were held against he who knew nothing of the world or such disgust from his mother. jack was six, and alessia ambrose was the love of his life. all mothers should be, for little boys.
but as he grew older, as his awareness developed, and as the blinders fell from his eyes jack became aware of his motherâs feelings. while he was utterly devoted to her, drew pictures of her at school or told stories about my mom and me, she was ashamed of his too-long legs and thin cheeks. his loss of innocence came across the dinner table ( boxed macaroni and cheese again, so mom could go out again for the night ), when he told her â i love you, mommy â and alessia heaved a sigh and responded with a perfunctory, â yea. â
grades meant nothing. educational achievements meant nothing. unconditional love from a child meant nothing, and jack began to realize that if he wanted something more than boxed macaroni and cheese for dinner every night ( if alessia even bothered to make it ) he would have to get it himself. however it wasnât as simple as taking it â simply taking things earned him a swift but stern slap across the face and if he hadnât learned in his younger years, jack surely understood alessiaâs feelings with those.
he learned his charm from her, but it wasnât easy being the odd child he was. still, with a desire to achieve, jack applied himself to the art of manipulation. he discovered it was simple with the charm of youth: people were more likely to assist if you added a few tears, a little naivety. his teachers began to understand his plight as home was difficult when he spun the yarn of his mother having become deathly ill. his peers found him appealing when he shared goods pilfered or traded from others ( without their knowledge for the former ), and the reputation he earned himself in his prime formed the personality that perfected at puberty.
while all of these tricks worked outside of the household, jack never managed to pull the wool over his motherâs eyes. but where unconditional love once stood in tolerance for alessia and her narcissism, now contempt remained. jack fell out of love with his mother at twelve, and never looked back.
on the summer at the end of his freshman year of high school jack left an odd-looking boy. in the fall of his sophomore year he returned transformed, as if the summer heat had been a chrysalis and the ugly caterpillar emerged a butterfly. now if you held up a picture of alessia ambrose beside jack you could see he was her child, all it took was a shot of growth hormone and the deepening of his voice. ice blue eyes were the stark difference between the two of them ( ignoring the blond hair that sprouted from his face if he didnât tame it back to stubble every four or so days ), and alessia noted how much she despised the way he stared at her now. it made her skin crawl if only because it seemed as if he was looking through her.
and he was. now he saw her for what she was: a selfish woman who had only wanted him to brag about her own achievements. but he hadnât been worth bragging about when he was small, and now that he towered over her she wanted him to be seen with him. but jack refused, perhaps a little too politely for her to understand at first, and it was only in a binge of some substance abuse that he took a stern hand with her. only when she struck him first out of a dead sleep â staring at him for near twenty minutes before lashing out at him. it was the threat of never touch me again that he punctuated so perfectly, threatening to hold back no means to defend himself should she raise another hand at him.
alessia mourned for herself the loss of her baby boy. all that was left was a man who was nothing more than a reminder of her failed relationships throughout the years. youâre just like them. youâre just like them.
but he was nothing like them. perhaps the only similarity being how much he despised her, as they all did in the end.
he finished high school unceremoniously, didn't bother to inform his mother when he graduated (the day, the time) and moved on with his life. she couldn't recall the last time she saw her son, but alessia understood that she never would again. and like so many wayward young men from broken homes, he'd sought a chance to make something of himself: the military.
boot camp, where drill sergeants shouted the smirk off of his face. then the navy, where he learned how to hold his breath for an incredible amount of time. then the SEALs, where he learned that his body was both softer and stronger than he'd ever imagined. breaching, combat, triage, whatever they needed of him and jack couldn't deny it. he excelled at the tasks he was given, specializing in the collection of information and specifically the reconnaissance involved with his specialized unit.
this was what captured the attention of the professor. initially hoping to acquire jack as an asset just a few years prior, he was required to finish a tour before he could formally be discharged from the military. at the age of thirty his CO shook his hand and once more jack disappeared from sight.
his skills with breaching came in handy. trading his name for talbot - trading military tact gear for private sector (as he liked to call it), trading existing formally in the world for more off-the-grid, his life changed. talents from his youth (pilfering from his classmates, sleight of hand) were polished and combined with the formal training the US military had provided ... talbot was a phantom, and a damn good one.
of his accomplishments under the professor's employ, talbot's primary distinction was the recovery of nelson's chelengsk: acquired with old connections and information, skill, and a bit of luck. presently he's pleased with his contract ... existing in a gray area where even his closest of "friends" only knows him by his alias, where he's been able to make much more of a life for himself than he ever would have if he'd stayed back home in the southern united states.
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part one: statistics.
basic information:
full name: jackson ambrose.
nickname(s): jack.
age: forty3.
date of birth: february 25, 1980.
place of birth: kenner, louisiana.
ethnicity: caucasian (french-canadian, english, scottish, german & irish roots).
nationality: american.
gender: cis man.
pronouns: he/him/his.
orientation: heteromantic heterosexual.
language(s) spoken: american english, ASL, farsi, & spanish.
accent: it's long since washed out, but from birth to ~25 he had a deep louisiana accent - closer to a new orleans accent.
family ties:
mother: alessia etienne ambrose.
father: unknown.
siblings: none.
spouse / partner: none. previous broken engagement.
children: none.
pets: one white cat named mozzarella.
occupational information:
codename: talbot.
meaning behind talbot: lawrence "larry" talbot is the titular character in the wolfman film from 1941, as well as its sequels. while not from literature the character of talbot is one of, if not the, most well-known and infamous werewolf characters in written and cinematic history. the character is bitten by a werwolf during his story and becomes the beast himself, only to be slain by the end of the film.
position: phantom.
skillset: basic underwater demolition seal training (bud/s), diving & land warfare, survive evade resist escape training (SERE), tactical ambushes, close-quarters combat, & sniper training all from his time with the seals. all of this is in line with special reconnaissance and direct action training - which talbot has outfitted to assist with his heists. while he isn't the most lithe man in the world, he has stamina and agility trained into him from his time in the military, coupled with breaching knowledge & reconnaissance training. he is also a master of krav maga.
physical appearance:
face claim: ryan gosling.
hair color: golden blond.
eye color: light blue.
height: 6'0 3/4".
weight: ~185lbs of muscle, mostly.
build: muscular, very toned.
tattoos: one denoting his seal team on his right forearm on the outside, talbot on his left forearm on the outside, a dice #5 on his right hand between his thumb and forefinger on the webbing, & a palm tree and sunrise on his left hand between his thumb and forefinger.
piercings: none.
clothing style: dark-wash and worn jeans or black khaki pants and plain colored tee-shirts with a dark, worn leather jacket and military-style work boots. in formal settings he's prone to a fitted blazer with a plain colored or white tee-shirt beneath it and fitted dress slacks.
distinguishing characteristics: well-kept facial hair (beard), tattoos on his hands and the deep, twisted scar on his left shoulder. his body is entirely scarred, though he usually wears clothes to cover it.
personality:
mbti: istj-a (logistician).
element: earth.
western zodiac: pisces.
chinese zodiac: monkey.
positive traits: adaptable, calm, capable, charistmatic, driven, dutiful, independent, meticulous, resourceful, steadfast
negative traits: aloof, blunt, cold, disconnected, domineering, greedy, malicious, sadistic, sarcastic, venomous
hobbies: mapping the stars, indulging in sci-fi and horror media, keeping in shape (practicing krav maga and working out / running).
character inspiration: mike ehrmantraut (breaking bad, better call saul), sierra six (the gray man), magneto (x-men), jim raynor (starcraft), lorraine broughton (atomic blonde), perry cox (scrubs), frank delfino (how to get away with murder), general kirigan (shadow and bone), cassian andor (andor), man in black (westworld).
part two: questionnaire.
001. the professor provides every member of libertalia a unique codename that reflects their personality. each codename is derived from various forms of mythology, folklore, or literature. why do you think the professor chose that name for you? do you agree or disagree with his decision?
------" it's not because i'm hairy. " his laugh was humorless, body language somehow both more tense and more relaxed than it should have been, both at the same time. " lawrence talbot was a troubled man who sought to do what he perceived as the right thing, met strange circumstances and ultimately died. maybe the professor can see the future. " he shrugged, though his eyes never left the interviewer. not unlike a cat, he only blinked a few times during the exchange, " i'll agree with it. i'm a horror fan and talbot has always been a figure i enjoyed. can't change it, anyway, so ultimately it doesn't matter what i think. " 002. gaining an invitation into libertalia isnât an easy feat. what do you think made you special enough to get handpicked by the professor? and what qualities do you think allowed you to join your position?
------" i have no idea, honestly. i just did what i was told in the SEALs until i was offered a position here. " he shrugged, trying to recall the exact time he'd been informed by his CO that he would be discharged when his tour was done. it was young to be let go from a special unit like that - talbot had been curious at the time, but long since let the notion go. " i know i worked my ass off in the military. always strove to be the best ... but everyone will tell you that about themselves. there must've been something about my best that was better than the next person's i worked with. maybe he liked my spunky upbringing. " he was a thief as a child, and a silver-tongued one at that. but weren't most kids?
003. the captainâs crew is the highest position at libertalia, they are the select few who are aware of the professorâs identity. do you desire to graduate to this level? if youâre already a member of the captainâs crew what motivated you to change your position?
------his head shook, even one hand rose from where it rested on his thigh to gesture, as if he were refusing a refill on a drink. " no. that sounds like responsibility. the less i know about the people i currently work with or for, the better. i don't want to know anyone's real names or identities, where they come from or why. i just want the professor to point me in a direction and shoot.
004. although many members of libertalia donât know each otherâs personal lives, itâs rumored that many members came from suspicious backgrounds. who were you before joining and what was your life like prior?
------" i was a navy SEAL from louisiana. my mother was anything but that and i never knew my father's name or met him. never got in trouble with the law but i broke it more than a few times. for a long time i was told when to wake up, when to sleep, when to eat and what, when to shit, how to dress ... they spent a lot of time rewiring my brain to be a weapon and gave me purpose. i don't necessarily agree with it, but they didn't pay me to agree. they paid me to get information and occasionally kill. " a pause, " that good? "
005. what was your primary motivation for joining libertalia? was it for the riches or for the thrill of adventure? or is there something else motivating you to continue working for the group? what do you hope to achieve?
------talbot shifted in his seat. his shoulders relaxed a bit, lips parted as he sighed - mind combing the right words for the answer. " adventure, i guess. money only matters while you're alive. once you're dead ... " another shrug. " i like the opportunity to flex some of the skills i otherwise had or were trained for, but seldom got to use. i'm a big boy, i don't get to be sneaky very often. don't get to charm my way into information often either, not since i was a kid back home and people there were dumb as hell. " his head canted to the side slightly, blond hair shifted into his lashes, " just here for a good time. "
006. how would the other members describe you? would you consider yourself to be a team-player or do you prefer to work independently?
------he snorted, " ask them. cold? distant? they don't really know me. i prefer that. i like working alone better, i can trust myself. look, everyone is here because they're skilled at what they do but i know myself. i won't fuck myself over for personal gain, i know what i'm physically and mentally capable of. relying on other people like that? it was easier in the military but these people aren't a unit like that. you're not trained and taught to rely on them. they're potentially here for purely selfish reasons ... and i respect that. so i'd rather play alone than wind up in a snag. "
007. libertalia is anonymous, therefore necessitates secrecy outside of the group. how do you balance your personal life outside of this, granted you have one? is there a clear separation between libertalia and your personal life?
------" easily. my personal life is personal. i treat myself like a ghost - don't exist outside of the group, so people don't ask questions. it's shit for your credit score but it ensures you don't fuck up somewhere. " another pause. light blue eyes narrow, " work is work. everything you're doing when you're not assigned something or actively searching for treasure is not work. it's very easy to separate the two, so yes, there's a clear separation. "
008. henry averyâs treasure has been lost since 1695. even with the brightest minds on the case, all leads to find the treasure havenât turned up. averyâs treasure is the professorâs white whale and after several years of searching, many believe the treasure ceases to exist. do you believe the treasure exists?
------" unless it has mythological or fantastical ties, it exists. so ... no sword from the lady of the lake. but a real person's treasure is really somewhere. just a matter of finding the right people, the right clues. i mean, if something like that was under speculation and you were one of ... if not the only person who had even a shred of evidence of it ... would you tell everyone? or would you leave it to yourself and maybe one other person ... to find it? lessens the chance of some other person going after it, doesn't it? "
009. do you trust the professor? do you trust the libertalia?
------finger raised, pointed at the interviewer as if they'd made an excellent point of something and talbot was agreeing with it. "that's a question. i trust the professor with information and giving me a task to complete. with my life? no. " one final pause. any tenseness in his body had dissipated over the course of the questioning, and now only a cocksure expression painted his otherwise emotionless features, neutral body language, " the libertalia? not even a little. "
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------#TVLBCT ; a study in leaving the past behind & walking away, walking the lines of moral ambiguity, what is right isn't always what is good, go ahead ... be a little selfish, loneliness is the anchor you've always carried with you, a life of grand adventure is always worth it in the end.
[intro][task 000]
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A SCENE FOR EVERY EPISODE â 9/63 BETTER CALL SAUL | 01x09 | PIMENTO
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Parks and Recreation (2009-2015)
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RYAN GOSLING as DRIVER ⤡ DRIVE (2011) dir. Nicolas Winding Refn
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âSome days you will feel like the ocean. Others you will feel like you are drowning in it.â
â Healing Is An Up-And-Down Process, Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)
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tag drop.
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