tvdjk

[tvdjk]

Chapter 5: The Visitors

We're back with full guest-gusto in this supersized fifth episode with our great friend Sarah, perhaps the world's biggest Gina Torres fan. We do our best to cover everything in 1×11 "Bloodlines," 1×12 "Unpleasantville," 1×13 "Children of the Damned," and 1×14 "Fool Me Once" while being continually sidetracked by Bree's curls, domestic Damon, fuckboy Stefan, rabid Pearl thirst, and everything in between. We also have some important discussions about TVD's deeply racist and problematic roots, debate (sort of) the controversial phenomenon of baby bangs, and relentlessly rag on the Gilbert siblings' delivery dinner procedures. You are all our honey pies.

You can stream the episode on Spotify, Google Podcasts, and Pocket Casts, or you can listen/download directly using this link (still no Apple Podcasts/iTunes, sorry).

Note from Jack: You probably noticed (or will notice) that I didn't read any summaries for this episode. Like I said, they were fun to write, but I also can't escape the feeling that they're a tad indulgent and more than a tad superfluous. You can read what I have for 1×11–14 via PDF at this link. If me actually reading them aloud was helpful and/or enjoyable for you, however, please let us know! We want to make the show as audience-accommodating as possible. Thanks.

Bonnie Mood of the Week (BMOTW)

Favorite Songs

Jack's

Systems Officer, "Pacer"

Surfer Blood, "Floating Vibes"

All

Florence + The Machine, "Cosmic Love"

Alex Band, "Only One"

Leona Lewis, "Run"

Award Winners

Dopest Decade Drip: Bonnie Bennett

The Lumberjack Elijah Award for best kill: Stefan Salvatore (flamethrower > Ben McKittrick, 1×14)

The Plan C Sarah Award for best delivery: Katherine Pierce ("both", 1×13)

The Little Miss Katherine Award for hottest moment: Bree ("my honey pie", 1×11)

Outro Credits

Dialogue: Damon + Bonnie, 6×01

Music: Collective Soul, "Shine"

[tvdjk]

Chapter 4: The Plan

Jack and Kale get back to basics with an extra thirsty and densely pointless fourth episode covering 1×08 "162 Candles," 1×09 "History Repeating," and 1×10 "The Turning Point." Prepare for even more incoherent quote recitations than usual, Lexi love, Salvatore bro hate, illuminating hypotheticals, nonsensical theories, songs, dance, and joy. Basically, we just thought we should tell you that we recorded this for you because you were all sad and alone and we felt bad for you. Aren't you flattered?

You can stream the episode on Spotify, Google Podcasts, and Pocket Casts, or you can listen/download directly using this link (still no Apple Podcasts/iTunes, sorry).

Correction (sort of): As you could probably tell, discussion of Bonnie's storyline in 1×09 and Emily's role in the episode are largely absent. Don't worry, we love both Emily and Bianca Lawson, and will talk about them at length next time.

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Bonnie Mood of the Week (BMOTW)

Favorite Songs

Jack's

Echo & The Bunnymen, "Think I Need It Too"

Telekinesis, "Tokyo"

Kale's

Tiësto, "Feel It in My Bones" (feat. Tegan & Sara)

Both

Barcelona, "Come Back When You Can"

Literally no one's ever

Plumb, "Cut"

Award Winners

The Red Flannel Award for best dressed: Bonnie Bennett and Caroline Forbes (Grill party dresses, 1×08)

The Plan C Sarah Award for best delivery: Logan Fell ("They're just pilin' up!", 1×10)

The Chad from Third Period Award for most entertaining throwaway character: Daphne / Sexy Housewife (1×10)

The Stefan in Mourning Condemnation for shittiest behavior: Damon Salvatore ("stupid, shallow, and useless", 1×08)

The Little Miss Katherine Award for hottest moment: Lexi Branson (towel shenanigans/general amazingness, 1×08)

Outro Credits

Music: James Vincent McMorrow, "We Don't Eat"

Dialogue: Elena and Damon, 3×08

[tvdjk]

Chapter 3: The Girl

Help yourself get through the darkness of December with the soft, dulcet commentary of your hosts and our special guest for this episode, Kale's daughter Lilla. Though neither 1×06 "Lost Girls" nor 1×07 "Haunted" are exactly feel-good fluff, our conversation thankfully ended up being anything but morose. Tune in for some truly terrible singing, frank discussion of the season's historical elements and their problems, impassioned advocacy for the appreciation of Vicki Donovan, and general geeking-out of all shapes and sizes. We'll take you home.

You can stream the episode on Spotify, Google Podcasts, and Pocket Casts, or you can listen/download directly using this link (still no Apple Podcasts/iTunes, sorry).

Corrections: By this point it should be clear we hardly know what we're talking about ever, let alone when it comes to fashion, but if not, here's the kicker: Kale meant to say "crinoline" when referring to Katherine's dress, but instead says "trundle," a type of bed. Also, we all somehow forget that Vicki reappears as a ghost in season 3 as well as seasons 5 and 8. Mortifying.

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Bonnie Mood of the Week (BMOTW)

Favorite Songs

Jack's

White Lies, "To Lose My Life"

Kale's + Lilla's

Anberlin, "Enjoy the Silence" [Depeche Mode cover]

All

Jason Walker, "Down"

Gary Go, "Open Arms"

Sanders Bohlke, "The Weight of Us"

Award Winners

The Red Flannel Award for best outfit: Katherine Pierce (second 1864 dress, 1×06)

The Soapdish Moonstone Award for worst decision: Liz Forbes (letting Logan do anything, 1×06)

The Plan C Sarah Award for best delivery: Vicki Donovan ("I wanna go home. Will you take me home?", 1×06)

Outro Credits

Dialogue: Stefan to the rest of the gang, 8×05

Music: Explosions in the Sky, "The Ecstatics"

[tvdjk]

Chapter 2: The Truth

J & K are back, and this time we're joined by our first of many wonderful guests, Sandra Riffler. Over the course of our discussion of 1×04 "Family Ties" and 1×05 "You're Undead to Me," we touch on everything from compulsion and magic to High School Musical and high fashion (spoiler alert: there is one particular suit we are not fond of). We got yr punk.

You can stream the episode on Spotify, Google Podcasts, and Pocket Casts, or you can listen/download directly using this link (still no Apple Podcasts/iTunes, sorry).

Correction: Jack mistakenly states the date of the 1994 solar eclipse to be May 16 rather than May 10. What a dweeb!

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Bonnie Mood of the Week (BMOTW)

Favorite Songs

Jack's

The Submarines, "Brightest Hour" [Morgan Page Remix]

Glass Pear, "Wild Place"

Kale's

Matt Nathanson, "All We Are"

V V Brown, "Back in Time"

Both + Sandra's

Viva Voce, "Believer"

Imogen Heap, "Wait It Out"

Award Winners

The Chad from Third Period Award for best throwaway character: Tiki's grandpa / Old Man (1×05)

The Little Miss Katherine Award for hottest moment: Bonnie Bennett (car burn, 1×05)

The Plan C Sarah Award for best delivery: Zach Salvatore ("hell, that you're permitting me to live," 1×05)

The Stefan in Mourning Condemnation for shittiest behavior: Damon Salvatore ("you liked it, remember?", 1×05)

The Red Flannel Award for best dressed: Elena Gilbert and Bonnie Bennett (both episodes <3)

Outro Credits

Dialogue: Elena letter to Bonnie voiceover, 5×01

Music: Vampire Weekend, "Unbelievers"

[tvdjk]

Chapter 1: The Beginning

The first part of the TVD . . . JK journey is here! In a special guestless introductory episode, we talk about ourselves, how the show will work, and of course get into the nitty-gritty of the first three episodes of The Vampire Diaries: 1×01 "Pilot," 1×02 "The Night of the Comet," and 1×03 "Friday Night Bites." We discuss our personal TVD origin stories, our initial experiences with these episodes, behind-the-scenes trivia, favorite quotes, lore and mythology, and—of course—SHIPS. And we get sappy... a lot. And thirsty even more often than that. But if you're here, you're probably in that same boat. So welcome to the dark side, new friends!

You can stream the episode on Spotify, Google Podcasts, and Pocket Casts, or you can listen/download directly using this link (no Apple Podcasts, at least for now, because they have closed submissions indefinitely).

Disclaimer

Due to some technical issues and general first-timer naïvete, the audio quality in this one is a bit rougher than it will normally be. We also won't be editing it as much in the future. Hopefully it is enjoyable regardless.

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Bonnie Mood of the Week (BMOTW)

Favorite Songs

Jack's

White Lies, "Death"

The Bravery, "Slow Poison"

Moby, "Temptation" [New Order cover]

Kale's

OneRepublic, "Say (All I Need)"

Placebo, "Running Up That Hill" [Kate Bush cover]

Both :)

The Fray, "Never Say Never"

Award Winners

The Plan C Sarah Award for best delivery: Stefan Salvatore ("individualism and nonconformity," 1×03)

The Least Most Valuable Player Award for sickest burn: Stefan Salvatore ("brush up on your facts" > William Tanner, 1×01)

The Little Miss Katherine Award for hottest moment: Damon and Stefan Salvatore ("rip it open and feed on it" conversation, 1×02)

The Lumberjack Elijah Award for best kill: Damon Salvatore (neck chomp > William Tanner, 1×03)

Outro Credits

Dialogue: Rebekah to Matt, 5×01

Song: NONONO, "Pumpin Blood"