tunguszka20

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Me and who

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[OPENS FRIDGE, REMOVES TUPPERWARE CONTAINER LABELLED "Pomegranates from land of dead do not eat"]

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Odysseus: Have you seen my wife?

*pulls out small tapestry*

Odysseus: NOW YOU HAVE!!

*melts into a puddle*

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I’m listening to whale noises on spotify (because I can’t study in total silence and I can’t focus with normal music, so I tried out listening to natural sounds), and it’s so goddamn creepy. I don’t understand how this is relaxing to people, it could be a horror soundtrack for real.

Like it’s giving “you’re alone, deep in the ocean, watching shadows of giants swim by, listening to songs not meant to be heard by humans. You’re helpless, powerless, and all you can do is hope they don’t notice your presence”

Maybe I should go back studying.

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Odysseus: There it is: Ithaca. I'm finally home!

Odysseus: ...

Odysseus: Why do I hear boss music?

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As much as I value historical accuracy, I am desolate to find out Penelope would not have, in fact, lived during Sparta's more military focused era. That was after her time, it seems. I'm still gonna pretend that's not the case, for my own entertainment.

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happy birthday someone

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Not gonna lie, Antinous' voice actor did a great job. The moment he started to talk about Penelope I wanted to punch him in the face.

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The Iliad is probably one of the funniest books I ever read

Like I'll be having a not-so-good day, then remember how Hector had given himself an entire pep talk to fight Achilles. He saw Achilles running full speed towards him and proceeds to just book it.

Or when Menelaus got shot by an arrow in like in an ultimately nonfatal spot, and Agamemnon begins prematurely mourning him while he's standing there like 🧍‍♂️” you're scaring the men.”

Or when Odysseus is walking around the camps with a royal scepter and is just beating people with it if he finds them packing or suggesting to leave.

Or when Hector is brainstorming on how to face Achilles and for a moment goes, “Maybe I could talk with him, we’re both princes, we can both be rational, I could reason with him… that's a horrible fucking idea.”

I have more, but these, in particular, really tickle me.

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that one couple from Greece

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Neoptolemus: I am the most egdy epic cycle son!

Orestes: No! I am!

Neoptolemus: Shut the fuck up! I am!

Orestes: Oh yeah? I have my mommy issues and killed my mother and her lover and I took my cousin prisoner and killed a bastard!

Neoptolemus: Oh yeah? I have daddy issues, I killed a king and a baby on an altar and I took your wife! And without losing my marbles!

Orestes: I'll fucking kill you!

Telemachus: ...

Neoptolemus: What did you do?

Telemachus: Well...I mostly remained in my room sulking and being depressed not having a father and having a depressed mother but eventually I assisted my father lock 108 men in a hall like sheep in a den, I helped him eliminate plenty of them, helped mutilate a slave for life probably he is dead too and I hanged 12 women.

Oreates: ...

Neoptolemus: ...

Telemachus: I was pretty clear when I did that. In fact I did some pest control

Orestes: !!

Neoptolemus: !!

Telemachus: And that happened to the span of one day too

Orestes & Neoptolemus:

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Magasban

Reggel van. Lassan ringó

Uszadékfa a testem.

Átölel a hullámzó,

Cirógató tenger.

Béke a világon, és

A halál a mélyben van

Nem ér el, nem éri kéz

A lebegő bőrt, a Nap

Szelíden visszatartja.

Sópárnán lebegek,

És a tengeri madár

Szárnya lelkesen verdes

Úszni tanít, jó tanár.

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headcanon that Telemachus, post-Ithaca, once jokingly called Odysseus ‘captain’.

after seeing the look in his father’s eyes, he never did it again.

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My redesign hot take is that if you’re aiming to “desexualize” a female character, don’t make her boobs smaller. You’re implying a lot here.

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I cannot stand the idea of Athena and Odysseus as a couple.

It's disgusting, it's weird, and honestly, it's the biggest insult to brain cells since mortals started thinking they could sail without checking the stars. But — and this is a big, glorious, golden but — the headcannon of every other Olympian thinks they’re lovers? That’s comedy gold. Athena, the eternal virgin, the impenetrable fortress of logic, brought low by the rumor mill of her own family. Hera: Alright, Athena, let’s talk about the wedding. So, for the dress—or should we go with a suit? Athena: Wait, what? Wedding? Who’s talking about a wedding? Hera: Oh, don’t play coy. You and Odysseus? It’s practically written in the stars. I’m thinking something classic, maybe a gown— Athena: Married?! I’m not marrying anyone! Hera: You can’t hide it forever, darling. A goddess like you deserves a big, beautiful wedding. Athena: Wedding? Hera, what in Olympus are you talking about? I’m not marrying anyone, let alone Odysseus! Zeus: She’s right, Hera. This is ridiculous. Athena marrying Odysseus? Over my dead lightning bolt. Hera: Zeus. Zeus: Uh… or… or maybe it’s a great idea? Love is beautiful. Yes, beautiful. Proceed. Athena: WHAT?! I’m not even in a relationship! Odysseus is a mortal man, and I see him as a son! A son! Aphrodite: Oh, spare us the dramatics, Athena. Everyone knows you’ve got a soft spot for him. You’ve been “mentoring” him for how long now? Athena: He’s my student, Aphrodite. I teach him. That’s it. Poseidon: I hate Odysseus. And I hate you for even considering this. But if you’re hell-bent on it, I suppose it’s your disaster to manage. Athena: I am not considering this! I— Dionysus: I’m here for whatever, as long as there’s wine. Athena, if you’re going through with this, I’ll make sure the reception’s lit. Athena: Dionysus, I am NOT getting married! Stop encouraging this! Dionysus: Hey, I’m just offering a little fun. You’ll need it after dealing with that guy. Right, cutie? Apollo: We are NOT friends, do NOT talk to me. Hermes: Athena, come on, you don’t want to marry a mortal? This mortal? You’ve spent so much time with him. Maybe you’re just too proud to admit it. Athena: Hermes, I will smite you where you stand— Hestia: Everyone, calm down. Athena, they’re just teasing you. But if you ever did want to settle down, it’s not the worst thing. Athena: It is the worst thing. This conversation is the worst thing. Hades: Marriage isn’t so bad. Persephone and I have made it work. Persephone: Exactly. And that mortal of yours is resourceful. That’s not a bad trait to have in a partner. Athena: He is not my partner! He’s a mortal — a mortal that I’m mentoring! Demeter: Mentoring. Sure. You keep telling yourself that. Athena: Demeter, don’t start. I mean it. Artemis: I don’t see why she has to marry anyone. Athena, I’m with you. Stay single. Keep your dignity. Athena: Thank you, Artemis. Artemis: But if you did marry him, it wouldn’t be the worst thing. He is brave. Athena: Artemis?! Zeus:....I still think this is a terrible idea… Hera: Zeus, sighing: Fine. I love it. Best idea ever. Carry on. Ares: He has to fight me to prove his worth! Athena: This conversation is over. Athena can’t even walk into the room without someone winking at her or asking how “her mortal boy toy” is doing. Zeus, king of being gross, looking genuinely scandalized for once. Hera planning her “totally hypothetical” wedding. What really gets me, though, is the idea that none of them even care about her protests. She could swear on the River Styx that she sees Odysseus as a son, and they’d still be like, “Sure, sweetie. Your son.” Meanwhile, she’s losing her helmet over it, and it’s just... chef’s kiss. Peak entertainment. I hate the ship, but I love the chaos.

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just heard a coworker say "I know this thing wouldn't even work for Jesus" about her printer