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we hunt the mighty pasta BEAST

and breadsticks are its BONES

ALFREDO FLOWS inside its veins

its organs are CALZONES

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Core memories being made

(via)

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maintenance guy: “hey how’re you?”

me: “I’m—”

my brain: you’re not doing well but you can’t say that directly. say something jaunty that expresses why you look distressed but doesn’t make him feel bad

me: “I’m the Earwax Man.”

my brain: really not what I had in mind but congratulations at violently terminating this exchange

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omggggg

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only americans will understand::

shirley temple DVD set infomercial 

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imagine if your boyfriend was like I can smell an ant. and started tracking

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cant stop thinking about this video

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“kill them with kindness” WRONG. GROND GROND GROND GROND GROND GROND

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you: suck my dick me, an intellectual: inhale my richard

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