tuhkasirius

[tuhkasirius]

Aspirational

Healed my need for male validation a little too hard and stopped caring what anyone thought of me

[tuhkasirius]

Quick what are you doing RIGHT now (besides scrolling Tumblr)

[tuhkasirius]

Whereas I learnt that transgender people exist and it’s an option and IMMEDIATELY went down the ”oh god oh shit I must find the nichest possible label to describe my situation” rabbit hole.

every now and again I remember the fact that when I first realised I had gender dysphoria and almost cried realising that I wanted to be a boy, my immediate reaction was to think: ‘Wow, I am so empathetic for trans people I feel gender dysphoria. Weird.’

What an odd little child I was.

[tuhkasirius]

I love all of this and would read a 50 chapter fic of just the squad’s shenanigans from you if you were inspired to write one. Too long simply doesn’t exist.

A list of things that didn’t make it into Masculine Pursuits, on account of it was already Really Fucking Long:

The first person to blow their secret is actually Alan. Violet corners him and demands to know why Edwin is looking at him Like That. Alan makes the reasonable choice to admit to the foursome (unverifiable as an invisible intangible purple dragon in your garage) rather than fess up to being the Roman (ten years of public evidence, a warrant will turn up unpublished drafts).

Violet of course chats about this with both Jack and Maud. Jack, knowing that Robin will always be honest with his little sister, takes it upon himself to intervene with Maud before she can inflict the most uncomfortable conversation known to man on both herself and her brother. They still talk about it, obviously, but Jack deals with any gory details she tries to ask for and makes some suggestions about which dogs to just fucking let lie. Perils of sharing a friend group with your sibling! Sometimes you get up to sex party shenanigans and you just really don’t actually need your sister to know that you know what all your friends' junk looks like! It’s good to be honest, it’s also good to have boundaries about what sorts of questions you ask!

Robin is responsible for fessing up to Adelaide, though. She’s his wife, she’s still his typist, she runs his calendar, by proxy she half-runs Edwin’s calendar, and god was she upset by the idea of a “little get together” with “just the boys” before it was clarified that this was a sex thing rather than a sexism thing. It was a brief moment of fear that the friend group’s male contingent had gone off the deep end, but it was a very intense brief moment of fear.

On the night of the foursome the girls get together at Spinet House and… drink whiskey and smoke cigars. Maud’s not very good at it and it’s very cute. Maybe they switch to wine because whiskey is Terrible, Actually. Probably Violet blows a lot of very impressive smoke rings (that might just be illusion magic). No threesome because that’s not Addy’s bag but they do have a very nice time. Maybe Kitty is also there? I like Kitty so I say yes.

(Incidentally if I were to write a foursome with the women it would be Maud/Violet/Polly/Phyllis. I bet Polly can still Get It and am Interested in the kind of weirdo MILF domme that Phyllis-the-ancient-fey-hermit would likely be. Imagine the things that Maud and Violet can learn from those two ladies! Imagine Maud and Violet introducing them to the latest DevicesTM!)

In amidst the negotiations about sex Jack finds a bit of time to ask Robin how to go about telling Alan and Edwin that he’s going to buy them a small publishing house. He doesn’t want to hear their stupid conversations about grammar, but he does support their bordering on Marxist politics re: deciding that what magical Britain really needs more of is pamphlets supporting servant’s/gardener’s/women’s magic first and refusing to explain anything that can be easily turned to violence or control. He’s also (rightly) convinced that both Alan and Edwin will be mad at him for solving their censorship problems by throwing money at them. 

Alan absolutely does get to interview Robin about his past sexual adventures, which could theoretically turn into a whole series of Roman books. Edwin is a little bit surprised at exactly how much Robin downplayed the volume of his past sexual experiences, but of course, Robin isn’t lying when he says that a high volume doesn’t mean much in terms of quality. Future Roman novels include, of course, “a bloody-nosed boxing blowjob”, “gangbangs in the change rooms”, "sadomasochistic hazing", and “highly sexually charged initiation rituals”. Robin is delighted by the flights of fancy Alan takes in these books, and resists Alan’s desire to have any blatant implausibilities revised out before publication.

My wife and I debated at length about how much sexual experience Edwin had before Robin. Eventually I came around to her way of thinking: aside from the canonical mentions of furtive boarding school and university encounters, there was a period after his relationship with Jack where Edwin decides that he, you know, misses sexual contact/physical contact generally, and goes through a Sad Handjobs In Bathhouses Phase. He never really gets the hang of the nonverbal communication required for much more, but he does manage the Subtle Longing Stare often enough to get the occasional furtive handie.

[tuhkasirius]

I listened to the raven cycle on audiobook during my covid lockdown walks and the vibes were immaculate

some of you didn't read the raven cycle the summer when you were 16 and it shows

[tuhkasirius]

100%

The worst thing for me personally is that most of the english-speaking world is half a day ahead or behind me. I��m stuck between the states and australia. Only the brits even slightly match the time of day.

[tuhkasirius]

do you guys think Karl Marx would've liked Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis because it promotes waste reduction and the subversion of both capitalism generally and brand commodification¹ specifically through second hand buying or do you think he would not like it because it still promotes consumption as an activity especially of items one does not actually need.² or do you think he'd like it cause it's a banger³

References

¹ Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. (2012). Thrift shop. s.n. [2:38]: ""They be like, "Oh, that Gucci? That's hella tight", I'm like, "Yo, that's fifty dollars for a T-shirt", Limited edition, let's do some simple addition, Fifty dollars for a T-shirt, that's just some ignorant bitch shit, I call that getting-swindled-and-pimped shit, I call that getting tricked by business, That shirt's hella dope, And having the same one as six other people in this club is a hella don't"

² Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. (2012). Thrift shop. s.n. [1:29]: "They had a broken keyboard, I bought a broken keyboard, I bought a skeet blanket, then I bought a knee board"

³ trust

[tuhkasirius]

None of these options convey ”I’m not my type in bed so it would be super unsatisfying and therefore probably not worth it, but I’m not against it in principle.” I have sex to turn my brain off and not have to make any decisions, and generally speaking at least one of the participants has to be doing that for the fucking to be any good. Otherwise it’ll just end up being a multi-hour makeoutfest with some lazy grinding. I’ve enough experience with people like me to know it just simply doesn’t go anywhere.

I haven't seen anyone convert this classic buzzfeed poll to tumblr polls and it's one of my favorite sets of words of all time so im gonna do it

"Would you fuck a clone of yourself?

[as defined in the original:]

The clone is your age and identical to you.

It's fully sentient.

No one will ever know of your Cronenberg-esque tryst except you and your clone.

Your clone will be just as DTF as you are, so don't worry about that.

[tuhkasirius]

I’ve morning practice (10 am but I’m dramatic and not ashamed of it) tomorrow and I’d like to flay whoever thought this was a good idea in the middle of winter no less

[tuhkasirius]

When your childhood special interest’s author turns out to be the worst person to ever succeed in the world, the only correct response is to defile their intellectual property in the best ways with kinky gay sex they’d hate, actually

[tuhkasirius]

One of our doctorate students offered to adopt me and my thesis because I had such interesting comments on our conceptual engineering course 😭😭😭

[tuhkasirius]

We (my doctor at my request) started me on a new DRUG and also lowered the dose of my CURRENT DRUG to avoid DRUG INTERACTIONS so if I act more crazy and wild (not that my usual is very sane and reserved tbh) yall know what to blame

[tuhkasirius]

if you're transgender and need name ideas, may I direct you toward the nato alphabet because like. delta? november?? echo?? romeo is like the butchest name. please consider foxtrot. being named whiskey would be cool as hell. I know multiple transmascs who were a bit too into english lit and are named victor now. I've met people named sierra who were trans in every direction. maybe don't name yourself golf

[tuhkasirius]

I NEED A CROP TOP THAT SAYS ”YOU SAY BEDRIDDEN I SAY PILLOW PRINCESS” IMMEDIATELY ACTUALLY

I want to release a line of concerning disability pride merch, starting with my patented “you say bedridden, I say pillow-princess” sticker and ending with a “lost a limb, gained a club” mug

[tuhkasirius]

Love referring to my disabilities as “the curse” and my symptoms as “the demons.”

Sorry, I can’t come, the demons (being an eepy little guy) require my attention (nap time) on account of the curse. (chronic fatigue)

Yeah, no, the demons (hypermobile ankles) decreed that I cannot wear heels anymore, on account of the curse. (connective tissue disorder)

I can’t stand up to fast or the demons (heart rate spike) will steal my vision. On account of the curse. (POTS)

[tuhkasirius]

autism "i need my routine and the routine was already ignored yesterday" vs chronic pain/disability "good fucking luck dude. you got no bones today"

[tuhkasirius]

I have a PROBLEM and the PROBLEM is that queer people my age have too good interpersonal skills and emotional regulation abilities and I never got the memo that had those in it so I’m just a bastard who wants to fuck about it when I’m feeling angry at the world. And the others want me to talk about my feelings or something. Ew. Gross.