ttc-pcos-tx

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Update

So I know it's been awhile since I've posted on here so here's what's been going on.

In December my husband and I decided that we weren't entirely comfortable with the possible side effects of Clomid since I tend to be the kind of person that does contract the rare side effects of medications. We decided to try some other more natural routes and see if maybe we could get these ovaries of mine to work.

Fast forward to January and my body actually has a period on it's own. We don't think anything of it because tests have shown that this technically doesn't mean my ovaries will work. And we've basically put trying on hold for now.

Its February, and not too surprising I don't have another period. Towards the end of the month I start having pains real low in my abdomen. I don't think much of it. I get them from time to time. Then I'm exhausted all the time. Then my breasts hurt. Then one fateful Thursday I'm in a meeting at work and I keep smelling this horrible smell that nobody else can smell. I'm on my way home and it hits me what could be happening. I stop at a Walmart get a test and without telling my husband I took it when I got home.

Yall. I thought this shit would be negative 100% just like it has been for 2yrs. This little stick of joy turns positive instantly. You know what my first words were? "You've got to be kidding me." I run into the living room and hand it to my husband and he's so confused. Then asks if it's a joke. Then he beams at me when he realizes it's real.

Then reality sets in. I've miscarried before. I have a folate deficiency. I have pcos. And we worry. No one could get us in Friday so we wait all weekend before we can go to the dr. Monday morning we get there and we are excited but scared. We get in the ultrasound and the tech says that baby measured 5wks4days. Yall, I died inside. I was supposed to be 7 weeks. I track my cycles (when they happen) religiously. And all I could think was that this was just like last time. My baby already died and my body just hasn't realized it yet. The NP comes in and says not to worry just yet. She wants to take blood now and 2 days later and the following day after that another ultrasound. So I wait from Monday morning to Thursday morning for this ultrasound to seal my fate. To confirm that we lost another one. And in that ultrasound Thursday morning the tech turns on the sound and we heard "fetal heart tones". And I cried. And cried. This baby was alive. My OB says my progesterone was lower than he wanted so he prescribed me a supplement and he wanted to see me back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound to make sure baby continues to grow.

It turns out that my cycles (when they happen) are technically 41 days instead of 28. And because of this I would have ovulated later than what is typically calculated.

I am over the moon with this little blip. Please send good vibes that it continues to grow to full term without further complications ❤

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All I wish for 2019 is…

To have my very own bundle of joy, a baby of my own 💖 pcos can kiss my ass, you wont get the better of me! I will be a mummy one day, just try and stop me! 🤰💑 also good luck to all my pcos sisters 💕 keep being positive 💕 sending baby dust to you all 💖

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A letter to my future baby.

I can’t wait to carry you in my womb.

I don’t care if I gain an insane amount of weight, or if my hair thins. I don’t mind my teeth yellowing, or adding more stretch marks. I don’t care if my vision goes bad, or if my pants don’t fit.

I can’t wait to carry you, in my arms. I won’t mind the drool and spit up. I don’t care if you pull my hair or rip my jewellery. I won’t mind my arms getting tired (and the rest of me, too).

I think about you all the time. The possibilities are so endless! I don’t mind how much my body will change, I just can’t wait to have you here.

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Nailed it.

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I've read books, I've listened to other mothers, I read all the articles. I'm well versed I just have a broken womb.

STOP ASSUMING WOMEN WHO AREN'T MOTHERS KNOW NOTHING ABOUT BABIES.

We’d give anything to be mothers. We spend as much time around babies as we possibly can. Please don’t treat us like we know nothing.

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All I want in this entire world is to be a mother

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So I'm in the beginnings of my 2nd round of clomid and I started my period the day I started my progesterone. Which is weird because my progesterone is what's supposed to bring on my period. I call my doctor because now day 1 of clomid would fall on day 5 of progesterone.

Ya'll wanna know what she said.

She said this period "doesnt count" that my progesterone should bring on another in about 2 weeks. I haven't had a normal period in years but these last 3 or 4 have been so effing painful. So nurse lady just told me I gotta go through this pain twice in one month. Lord help me, I'm already grumpy. Hope my husband can deal with me. This blog may turn into my hear me bitch blog. Who knows. Trying to channel the positive vibes.

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After a round of progesterone and clomid and flashing happy faces on ovulation predictors I still did not ovulate. Round 2 here we come. My doctor raised the dose of my clomid.

I know I'm only 2 months in to this trying thing and I know people out there have been trying much longer but I just feel so bummed. I was never known for my patience though.

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On my facebook feed a girl posted about how she went to rehab but checked herself out because she found out she's pregnant. Again. For the 3rd time. Like tf is up with the world that these drug addicts are more fertile than damn rabbits but I'm on clomid and running tests just to have one? I'm so over this shit yall. So. Many. Lowlifes popping out baby after baby and here we are struggling. Karma must be confused or I was a serial killer in a past life.

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Appointment Day

My body didnt ovulate. They are starting me on provera and clomid. Hopefully this works.

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CD 27, 10 DPO

I go back to the doctor in 2 days to tell me the results of my 21 day blood test. Either my body did its thing or it didnt. Hoping for good news.

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CD 18, 2DPO

Blood test after 10 days of progesterone is on Wednesday. I started my period like 3 days into the progesterone so we will see what happens. Also according to my tracker I ovulated 2 days ago. Maybe with the progesterone this cycle could turn into something? I don't know. I'm not 100% sure how it all works.

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As nice as having no period sounds (and is in some ways) not having a period for months when you’re ttc but also not being pregnant is pretty depressing

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This.

CD20 - husband thoughts.

After finding out that were approved for Clomid, I admit, I cried because why me.

I feel like a disappointment. I feel like less of a woman, less of a wife, less of a person.

Why do I have to put my husband through this, why do I have to go through this, why me. Why am I so fragile why am I causing so much pain.

My husband has been the biggest supporter of our journey. He makes sure I’m okay, he tells me he’s doing all the laundry and dishes because he’s preparing me for pregnancy resting. He tells me I’m beautiful when my PCOS makes me feel otherwise. He lets me know where we’d put the crib and what sports we’d put them in. His positivity, Love, and strength is captivating.

I don’t cry because why me, I cry because why him. I wish for nothing than to keep this man out of this pain. I love my husband and I wouldn’t be able to get through this without him.

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This shattered my heart

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Doctor's Plan

Had my appointment today with my ob/gyn and we have a plan.

First they are prescribing me progesterone for 10 days to force my body to have a period. The first day of this period I have to call and set an appointment for 21 days out. On that 21st day they are going to check my progesterone levels and a week after that they will check to see if I ovulated. If I don't then they will prescribe me clomid for 3 months. If i am not pregnant in that time then they will do a dye test on my fallopian tubes to make sure they are clear and healthy and they will test my husband. Depending on those test results we will go from there.

They also took my blood today to test my testosterone levels and my hemoglobin. Though she said they won't try and correct my testosterone levels unless I get pregnant with a girl. If so then my high levels will need to be adjusted because it's not good for female fetal development.

Here's to hoping it all works out.