My name's Lindsay, i'm 17, and i've given up. *trigger warning* i don't promote eating disorders in anyway, and a lot of the photos and things i say can be triggering/depressing.
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every thought i think, just seems so fake. so i can't tell,does that mean im fake or i don't know, cliche? but how can it be cliche if they're my actual thoughts.
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honestly, i just miss the feeling of restricting. that light airy feeling, and that anxious feeling in your stomach you get from thinking about if you've lost any weight. my own secret. i miss it.
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the pulling up your skinny jeans dance
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America as seen by an Australian.
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I can't even put down what's in my head into words. Everything I say or type out just seems so cliché and unimportant. I'm just crying for no reason. Why? Part of me thinks there's no reason to be sad, and then the other part of my head pucks out everything I should be upset about. I can actually feel the two different parts of my mind competing.
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Wow so I really am the last out of all my friends to have a boyfriend. Not all of them, but most. Ugh i just want one. I'm not trying to be jealous but I am. My friend just got into a relationship and I am beyond excited and happy for her, she's been waiting for this for so long and she deserves it too. But when I see them holding hands and their cute text messages it makes me so sad that I don't have a relationship like that. Of course, if never say this to her, I don't want her to feel guilty or something for having a boyfriend. She shouldn't, that would be dumb. I just really want a boyfriend. And saying that I'll get one when I lose weight is dumb. I know. I know that even if I lose 20 or 30 pounds I still won't get a boyfriend. While yes, my body does determine whether or not guys find me attractive, it's my personality that sucks. I'm just awkward and not outgoing. I cant hold a conversation with someone new. I just suck. I can change my body, but how do I change my personality? I'm starting to think it's hopeless.
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Successfully completed my fast :) it's gonna be a good week, it has to be. I only have a month until Florida, and I know I can't drop 20 pounds by then. So I need to be more realistic, I'm going to lose 10 lbs by April 12th. I'll be 115,and although that's not going to look much better, I'm hoping I'll be able to be a little more comfortable in shorts and bikinis (lol who am I kidding no I won't). Either way, gym tomorrow after I drop melissa off at work. Gotta burn bunch of calories, and I won't be eating lunch tomorrow because I have to study for a test. I could fast again but I don't think I'll be able to do that, I was so hungry all day. But I made it, and I didn't even have any gum. Just a diet iced tea. Damn that feels good to say. Good start to the week and I'm not going to fuck it up.
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