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Are you overlooking your "Friends?"

When you decide you want a relationship, it can be difficult to get the ball rolling. Where do you start? What steps do you take? Do you actually want this? Plus, there’s the pressure of putting yourself out there and putting energy into these potential relationships. Luckily for you, in our modern-day society, online dating has grown tremendously and can be your next move. Online dating is not something that is new to our society, but the culture has shifted in a more popular idea. According to the study Online Dating, A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science, not only is it popularized, it is something people proudly discuss or accept. People who have formed relationships online no longer say things like, “let’s say we met at a coffee shop.” Instead, they’ll now confidently say, “I direct messaged them on Instagram” or “We matched on Bumble.” Finding and forming relationships online may just be a great first step for those who don’t know where or how to begin, so let’s talk about it!

Overall, dating online makes it more casual and can be initially played off as forming friendships. You have to know that since online dating removes some expectations, it removes standards to meet, too. Since there is less pressure in making an effort in finding these relationships, there may be less effort in relationship in general. Don’t always expect too much because it always depends on how and where it is done. Depending on the kind of relationship you are seeking, each online platform can bring you something different. Whether you meet someone through a social media platform, like Twitter or Instagram, or through dating apps, like Tinder or Bumble, you’ll form different kinds of relationships and the other person will have different expectations of you.

When focusing on social media platforms, this seems to be the most casual form of online dating. These relationships tend to have the least amount of expectations. It can be assumed that this relationship may not make it off of the social media site, so be clear of what you want when communicating with someone you’re interested in. According to Lindsey Shaw Taylor, when people make dating profiles, they are most likely considering whether or not they are interested in face-to-face interaction. Rather, on social media sites, you are not always promising or offering the idea that it could make it off this site. If that is something that you’re interested in, then utilizing social media sites like this, would be your best bet. According to research on interpersonal texting relationships, many people simply find comfort in communicating through texting the people they meet through social media networks. If that is something you’d want to have, reach out to the ones you’re interested in through their social media profiles and exchange numbers. Remember, this is supposed to be a casual setting so, try to give a casual approach. Just start off with a “hey!”

While these social media networks can be a casual way of meeting a possible relationship partner, there are separate expectations that have surface within social media culture. There aren’t many expectations to have a serious relationship in person, but the constant communication online is serious. Since it is so easy to communicate through these platforms, the expectation of constant communication grows. If you’re one of the people that doesn’t enjoy texting all the time, maybe try a different form of online dating. You need to be aware of these expectations beforehand and make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. Stay safe and make sure that while you want to get to know your partner, you aren’t letting them into all over your whereabouts. According to a study done on college students in dangerous electronic relationships, it is a common thing to have developed a toxic and destructive expectation to know everything about your partner and what they are doing via social media networks and many users have found themselves in trouble with this. It is understandable, and a key point in developing these relationships to reveal information about yourself, but when doing so, try to keep a safe balance of privacy to avoid these issues.

On the other hand, when you use a dating app or website, the other person already knows that you’re interested in a relationship and that is why you are speaking to one another. Today, online dating is the way to speed date through your phone. Since it is meant to be quick, first impressions are so important. Unfortunately, the first thing people look at would be your picture. Sometimes, it is a deciding factor in whether or not they choose to view the rest of your profile, so pick your favorite picture of yourself that shows some personality. It is always welcoming to see a smiling face on a profile, so smile big and snap a pic! According to Fiore, the attractiveness of the picture on your profile is one of the biggest deciding factors in the attractiveness of your entire profile. If you aren’t too into your appearance or just don’t like picture, do not worry because that is not the only deciding factor when it comes to your success on a dating app. As all things, if you’re actively trying, you’ll succeed. One of the good things about dating apps would be the options it gives you to communicate with those you’re interested in without struggling to come up with your own words initially. Usually, they give you options where you can click a button and let that person know you are interested. If they, too, are interested they press that same button and you match up. The buttons differ depending on app, but they usually are along the lines of, “like” or “favorite.” Research shows that those who utilize the buttons to let the other know that they’re interested more are the ones who go on the most dates leading to more opportunities for a right match for a relationship. So, if you’re using these apps, be sure to use all their features! It’ll score you some dates!

Overall, if you’re interested in finding a relationship but just don’t know where to start, try online dating. Update your social media to best fit your personality and be active on it so people can find your profile. Reach out to those who you think you might want to start a relationship with! Befriend them first and then take it from there. It works, just know what you’re getting into beforehand. You may catch yourself constantly staring at your phone to text back your new online partner. Download a dating app. Hang around on it for a while and make sure you use it to its full potential! Press those “like” or “favorite” buttons. They can be more useful than you think! Don’t be afraid to use your own words though, you want to show off your personality! First impressions are important in the quick world of dating apps so be nice and be yourself. Crack a joke, people love those who make them laugh. Most importantly, be careful with what you share and who you share it with. Practice good internet safety skills. Good luck everyone!

References

Bennett, D. C., Guran, E. L., Ramos, M. C., & Margolin, G. (2011). College students’ electronic victimization in friendships and dating relationships: Anticipated distress and associations with risky behaviors. Violence and Victims, 26, 410–429.

Finkel, E., Eastwick, P., Karney, B., Reis, H., & Sprecher, S. (2012). Online Dating: A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 13(1), 3-66. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/23484637

Fiore, A. T., Taylor, L. S., Zhong, X., Mendelsohn, G. A., & Cheshire, C. (2010, January). Who's right and who writes: People, profiles, contacts, and replies in online dating. In System Sciences (HICSS), 2010 43rd Hawaii International Conference on (pp. 1-10). IEEE.

Pettigrew, J. (2009). Text messaging and connectedness within close interpersonal relationships. Marriage & Family Review, 45, 697–716.

Shaw Taylor, L., Fiore, A., Mendelsohn, G., & Cheshire, C. (2011). “Out of My League”: A Real-World Test of the Matching Hypothesis. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 37(7), 942–954. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167211409947

Lee, S., Niederle, M., Kim, H.-R., & Kim, W.-K. (2011). NBER WORKING PAPER SERIES PROPOSE WITH A ROSE?

SIGNALING IN INTERNET DATING MARKETS. Retrieved from http//www.nber.org/papers/w17340

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