truesmiggles

[truesmiggles]

andre straight as hell i would've gone crazy

[truesmiggles]

That shirt came on Friday but when I went upstairs to grab the package my stepmom told me that we were putting the family dog down

I ordered an Andre shirt and I'm more excited about that coming in the mail then actual Christmas

[truesmiggles]

bitch i CANNOT take anything abt lanza seriously if it involves pictures of his face bcuz that bitch looked like he was constantly in pure shock and also honestly looked like a fucking alien

[truesmiggles]

bitches need to seek employment ASAP

wtf is a “dylric BDSM furry x raceplay stimboard”

[truesmiggles]

I condone this 👏👏 (seeing my own tag is a jumpscare omgh)

@truesmiggles inspired me to draw this beautiful drawing of caldre (I AM SO.. ALEEP DEPRIVED AND IM SO SORRY TO ANYONE WHO SEES THIS LMAO)

Yes I added a christmas tree... merry Christmas.. 😞

[truesmiggles]

I ordered an Andre shirt and I'm more excited about that coming in the mail then actual Christmas

[truesmiggles]

Last night, I had the best foot long of my life. While I was at a Subway I spotted a familiar face next to me. He yelled in my ear romantically, something that made my face flush. “AUGHHHHHHHHHHH”

Before I could even blink or ask for my white chocolate macadamia nut cookie, my thoughts took over me. “Take me to your slaughter house baby girl.” I whispered, licking my lips at him.

“Oh, you can slaughter my house all night. AUGHHHHHHH.” He said, dancing on the rainbow bridge until his arms were throbbing and veiny. His feet ached and pulsed.

“Oh yeah. Oh yeah.” I groan as I fingered his lumbar vertebrae through his shirt. “Fuck, your spinal fluid is so leaky babe.”

I fuck his tight haunted mound bussy until the sun goes down, and then it comes back up again almost just as fast as the plane Hellen Keller was flying. Just as he is a sweating and panting and groaning mess beneath me, his parietal lobe aching and oozing grape koolaid, Jared Fogle comes out to personally serve us our foot - longs.

“Need some help?” He asks, and I kick him in his meaty loins.

“FUCK YOU JARED FOGLE WE’RE GOING TO MCDONALDS!” I yell out, jerking Semetary by the arm. He moans, raw and painful still.

“AUGHHHHHH……”

Thank You please repost if this made your Belly Button quiver

[truesmiggles]

I found the clip of Andrew talking about being trans, zero clue what to do now

[truesmiggles]

The lack of sleep is getting to me, I'm so close to falling asleep in the car. I've been up since 9am yesterday and I fell asleep at 4am that night, so I'm running off a burrito and Dr Pepper tbh

[truesmiggles]

I'm shooting myself, the single time I wanna read caldre fanfics suddenly they're all written by 10 years old who's just found out what bdsm is

This is not my cal and andre, half these are written by people who haven't even watch the god damn movie. No they aren't neurodivergent openly gay twinks LIKE THEYRE LEGIT ABT TO SHOOT UP A SCHOOL THAT IS WHAT I WANT.

Half them are dog shit, I'm not saying I can write any better but it's so obvious it's they're first time writing, I read one where the first thing was them getting oiled up. Like no I don't wanna read Calvin getting a leash put on him and called a good boy.

[truesmiggles]

Hey guys guess what I'm writing as we speak, it'll be done sometime soon cuz I'm using my laptop and approximately 15 hours

There's a universe out there where cal is secretly going crazy and plotting to kill Andre except they're like dating and when cal dirty talks it's just his plans to kill Andre but Andre is too dull to realize and starts gooning it crazy style while cal figures out all the flaws in his plans. (Watch me try to write this and lose every ounce of motivation for it)

[truesmiggles]

I have a mad side bang and forgot I have two eye brows, this is a problem more people should talk about because I spent 5 mins reshaping my left eyebrow

[truesmiggles]

What if instead of Zero Day it was called Rizz Day and it was just Cal and Andre making out for an hour

[truesmiggles]

“Silent repost” why are you ashamed of me

[truesmiggles]

It's Lanza day and also my friends birthday

I'll end up drawing Adam or something but I'm so tired rn 💔

[truesmiggles]

∘₊✧ andrew blaze christmas stimboard ✧₊∘

[truesmiggles]

I need someone to take my phone and just beat me over the head with a metal pole at this point

I'm so done with myself