troubledpastels
troubledpastels
☁️☁️
120 posts
//23//she/her//|| 🏳️‍🌈
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troubledpastels · 3 days ago
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(Tw for brief mentions of mental health struggles)
It may take some time and patience, but…
It IS possible to survive hallucinations and thrive.
It IS possible to survive paranoia and thrive.
It IS possible to survive suicidal ideation/attempts and thrive.
It IS possible to survive mood swings and more extreme, long-term elevated moods/mental states and thrive.
It IS possible to survive intrusive thoughts and thrive.
It IS possible to survive SH and thrive.
It IS possible to survive SA/CSA and thrive.
It IS possible to survive traumatic experiences and flashbacks and thrive.
It IS possible to survive depression and thrive.
It IS possible to near-constant panic attacks and still thrive.
It IS possible to survive through cognitive changes and changes to your abilities and still thrive.
Your mental illness is not the end. Your disability is not all that you can be. Your struggles will not end you inherently.
It IS possible to find acceptance. It is possible to find people who care about and love you or to grow to appreciate your inherent self worth.
It is not a moral failing to struggle. You’re lovable. You’re valuable. You’re alive, and that alone means that you have a chance in this world.
It’s going to be okay. Hold on, it’s okay to find that balance between rest and fight for a better life, in whichever way that best fits you.
Don’t give up.
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troubledpastels · 19 days ago
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Voices are talking and messing with my head. It hurts. Im so exhausted. Why can't I be alone when im supposed to be
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troubledpastels · 1 month ago
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Soo remember when I posted about being symptom free? Heh, guess who's back. Voices and being spied on. Im tired, exhausted, and my sleep is terrible. I just got home after being sectioned. I shouldn't struggle this much after just getting back home??
I just want some peace. My main therapist is on a holiday, my psychologist is still available. Im just idk ashamed maybe?? Why am I struggling so bad now? I had such a good period. What happened?
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troubledpastels · 1 month ago
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You ever feel grief for the person you could’ve been if none of this ever happened to you?
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troubledpastels · 2 months ago
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I increased my antipsychotics and now im basically symptom free, except for some stuff but nothing i can't deal with and it makes me so happy I could cry. Schizophrenia almost ended my life but after 6 years im almost "as good as new" before I got schizophrenia. Or well I don't work or study but im managing my life a lot better and im almost "normal" in lack of better words. It feels so good and im so happy I have a big support system.
Im able to spend time with family and enjoy life with almost no symptoms. This really makes me belive that my life will be OK. Im not doomed to die from psychosis and life can be good.
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troubledpastels · 3 months ago
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Had a medication evaluation yesterday with my psychiatrist, and he wanted to up my antipsychotics again. I didn't really see that one coming, but i hope that will help my symptoms.
Im also low on iron?? That's weird because I take iron supplements and i haven't cut in over 2 years so I see no reason for my iron to be low? Weird.
Yeah, that was a quick update from moi
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troubledpastels · 3 months ago
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daily affirmations:
people are not trying to kill me
i am not being watched
there is nobody in my house
people are not talking about me
nobody is reading my mind
my prophetic visions aren't real
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troubledpastels · 3 months ago
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This.
Today in therapy I learned the term double bookkeeping and everything makes much more sense now
“Double bookkeeping is a term introduced by Eugen Bleuler to describe a fundamental feature of schizophrenia where psychotic reality can exist side by side with shared reality even when these realities seem mutually exclusive.”
This is why I can know I’m schizophrenic and still believe my delusions. My psychosis is its own separate reality where everything is possible. Logic doesn’t apply there, I’m unreal, my reality is unreal so unreal things can happen. I know it’s physiologically impossible and implausible, I know it’s a symptom of psychosis and not an experience I share with most of the world, but it’s still real to me
Do any other schizospec folk experience this?
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troubledpastels · 3 months ago
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☀️☀️
never underestimate the healing power of a patch of sunlight
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troubledpastels · 4 months ago
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Me
I should schizo post more often. (Says guy with schizophrenia)
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troubledpastels · 4 months ago
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Had my first meeting with my new doctor since being discharged. He seems nice. He told me it was normal to have a lot of symptoms when being on such a low dose of antipsychotics. So we are increasing my dosage and in the beginning of June I'll be where I'm supposed to be.
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troubledpastels · 4 months ago
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you’d be surprised at how many doctors will tell you that schizophrenics shouldn’t masturbate, have sexual fantasies or write/draw erotica, let alone date or have actual sex, because it “distracts them from recovery”, as if schizophrenia is a two week course of antibiotics and not a lifelong neurotype and disability
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troubledpastels · 4 months ago
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So i got home from the hospital yesterday.
Im so fucking exhausted.
Psychosis is no fucking joke.
I often get paranoid and think my food has been poisoned in one way or another when I'm in psychosis so I've lost a bit of weight but gained some new traumas.
I stopped eating and the hospital did my bloodwork every day. It's scary because my physical state got so bad they thought I would pass away from it. I didn't realise how bad it was. Schizophrenia ends life, but I'm going to fight with all I got to not let it win.
I got a feeding tube again and it was terrible. I didn't eat for quite a while because of my psychosis.
I'm out of it now but it still have quite a few symptoms. I quit my medications because I thought they were poisoned. And me quitting my meds didn't exactly help with the psychosis.
I also turned 23 when I was sectioned. I think this is my 6th birthday spent in the hospital.
Im sorry of this doesn't make much sense my brain is post psychosis fried
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troubledpastels · 4 months ago
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People are fine with sadness, but the second you say ‘I hear voices,’ suddenly you’re scary.
Madness deserves compassion too, it’s just another form of pain.
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troubledpastels · 5 months ago
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PSA:
i just cleaned my room, i'm so OCD!
i really like this famous actor, i'm so delusional!
i got distracted, i'm so ADHD!
i really fumbled that social interaction, i'm so autistic!
i feel like someone's following me, i'm so schizo!
sounds just as dumb as
i hate the way my hair looks today, i'm so BIID!
i just used the bathroom, i'm so IBS!
i forgot something, i'm so TBI!
my back hurts, i'm so scoliosis!
this bright light is annoying, i'm so epilepsy!
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troubledpastels · 5 months ago
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Im fucking sectioned
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troubledpastels · 5 months ago
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“if you take medication for that, you’ll be taking medication all your life!!” yeah, and?? bud, i already put on my glasses every morning. it’s like. a condition of mine, not a side hobby i’m pursuing irresponsibly. 
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