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[trnbrypngnbn]

10.02.19

Gusto kita kausapin kaso nag aalangan ako. Baka pag kinausap na kita tablahin mo ako.

Pasensya na kung may nasabe akong di maganda, ganun lang talaga ako pag may problema.

Nasasabi ko lahat ng gusto kong sabihin ng walang preno. Hindi ko din maintindihan bakit nasabi ko yun sayo.

Pasensya na kung nakukulitan ka sakin.

Pasensya na kung masyado akong naging madikit sayo.

Iba yung dating mo, espesyal ka para sakin.

Hindi ko din alam kung mabibigay o mababasa mo ito. Alam kong wala kang hilig sa ganito.

Teka, may alam nga ba talaga ako sayo?

Marahil yung alam ko lang ay mga bagay na sinabi mo. Marahil ang alam ko lang ay kung ano ang pangalan mo, at hindi ang buong pagkatao mo.

Gusto pa kitang makilala ng husto...

Kaso natatakot ako na baka mahulog ako sayo ng todo.

Paulit-ulit ko na gustong sabihin sayo na gusto kita.

Kaso natatakot ako na baka mailang at mag iwasan tayo.

Sa lahat ng kwento mo tungkol sayo ay tanggap kita.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sayo ang nararamdaman ko.

Natatakot akong magsisi pag di ko sinabi sayo. Natatakot din akong tanggihan mo.

Ewan ko ba pag seryosohan mahina loob ko. Sana lahat biro na lang para kumpyansado ako.

Natatakot din ako sa kung anong sasagot mo pag umamin ako.

Habang ginagawa ko to, di ka maalis sa isip ko.

Namiss kita kakulitan, lalo na yung halakhak mo. Namiss ko yung mga tingin mo habang nagkwe-kwento ako.

Namimiss ko yung ngiti mo sa tuwing hihirit ako. Namiss kita pero alam ko masaya ka naman kahit wala ako.

Pasenya na kung madrama.

Madrama lang talaga ako, tangina.

Tama na din siguro na ginawa ko to.

Ramdam ko kasing di ko lahat masasabi to sa harap mo.

Inuunahan ako ng kaba kaya’t eto na lang paraan ko.

Nahihiya na akong lapitan ka.

Ayoko naman magkailangan tayo kaya lalayo na lang ako.

Pasensya ka na ulit huli na to.

Hanggang sa muli, Ate Trina.

— Dan

[trnbrypngnbn]

A good heart is not always a good thing.

unknown

[trnbrypngnbn]

"I will never love anything the way I loved you."

— coral

[trnbrypngnbn]

You own a big part of me.

Hey it's been a while posting here. I have been keeping a lot of notes since then, but didn't have the courage to post it up because I don't want anyone reading my shits. But now, I wanted the world, specifically you, to read this for the very last time. I have no time to say this, and it's too late now, but still... I want you to know what happened... cause' you deserve an explanation.

You we're my first and my last love. I'd say, One Great Love, because above all the love I have experienced, yours was still the one I'm longing for. I may not admit it before but you were and you will always be. I was just hurt at that time because you were the one I love greatly and in a snap, you did a mistake not so big, but pierced through my heart, but thinking about it now, I wish it never happened, I wish I was still with you. Honestly speaking... I dated a lot after we broke up. But none worked well, no one leveled to the bond we have. Nobody can take your place, no matter how hard I try to replace you... I still came back, I still love you. And I was really thankful enough because you were always open, you always accepts me, fully. But yeah, I was really a hard headed girl. I come and go, not thinking how hurtful it was on your part. Leaving you hanging, leaving you with questions and doubts in your head. One day were okay, the next day were not. I'm so sorry for all the things I've done.

You may not ask me and I know you don't care anymore, but I wanted to say, I'm still the same person you knew. I eventually became my old self after all the things I had gone through. I did something unexpected because I wanted a way out. The last time were together somewhere in Maginhawa.... I'm having suicidal thoughts and it happened that you have time to meet with me. So we did, and after seeing you personally... All thoughts sinks in. You know what it was?

I've been always a mess, you knew it well. But I can't afford to see you my love, the only person who really and truly understand me, to be dragged down by a huge mess like me. I am thinking of possible ways to get out, escape... And you are not a choice. Because I don't want to use you... I don't want you to suffer with me. That is the least thing I'm going to do in my life. Through the years we've been together... you had a lot of dreams, you are more than capable of being successful in life because everyone around you supports you. I badly wanted to be there when that happens but I kept thinking that I may ruin that, we cannot be happy because of my parents, because of me. I always thought that I am not your happiness, I am not the love you deserve, you really deserve someone better, someone that can give you genuine happiness without restrictions. A freedom of love, someone that can shout and let the world knew that someone loves you, something like that.

You always come as my first priority, my first concern in every decision I'd make, in every option and choices I chose. All of this was for you. I just hoped you knew how great my love was. And I'm so happy to see you reaching that happiness even though without me at the same frame, even without the relation and commitment I wanted us to have. Even if you didn't end up as my man.

/blue shirt/

[trnbrypngnbn]

Hi, my name is Trina, 17 year old girl who chose to left home at a young age. Yes I do have a boyfriend, but that's not just the reason behind. There's a lot more. I do not intend to left home just because my father scolded me about knowing my secret relationship with someone. It's far more than that. And now is the time for me to speak for myself. I lived with my grandma for a long time since I was a baby, she was the one who raised me with so much love, care, affection and a lot more learning in life and about God. I am raised in a family who had a very strong faith. But despite growing up with all of those I grew up being a hard headed girl, not too much but a mild one. What I mean is, I do what I want to do, I tried whats in trend for the kids, for teens. It all started when I reached Grade 5, that's the start where I am courted by boys, but it never came up like a very much problem that time cause my grandma tries to talk to me in a way that I will surely understand what she preach. She will listen to whatever I have to say then after that she will take action to it. Then came my high school days, when I was in first year I am drawn to KPOP, everyone knows I love to dance, again... it all started when I entered a Cover Group, a dance group as you called. Every Saturday or Sunday I will ask for permission to practice at Anda, Intramuros. From Morning till Night because it's just a one day practice every week and yet theres a competition per month at that time so we have to struggle for time management, I am so late in coming back home, I even broke my curfew because of dancing. What hurts the most is, everyone thinks that I am taking drugs, or I am at a gimik, or I am with a boyfriend. To end that up, I let them know who am I with. Yes, it was all stress and I couldn't blame my grandma for that. I love her, but I love my hobby too. But I am studying hard, in fact I'm at cream of the crop section, the section 1. There's nothing to worry about my studies, I never let my Grandma down about it. Time goes by, I am in 3rd year. As far as I remember it was half way that year, my parents came back here in Philippines from Dubai. The same reason, my grandma can't take good care of us because she's stressed and she's getting old. At first, my mom seems to treat us good and with care. I love that feeling, she even takes good care of me when I caught a high fever. But a little time goes by, she became rough. One thing I can't forget that happened was when she slapped me in the middle of a whole court in our school with a lot of classes going on. Everyone was shooked, even I can't do anything but to cry. The reason? I pleaded for her to bring my project that I left in our home. That day was deadline, I was too busy, I have lots of report and projects going on that's why I left that one accidentally. She replied to me "Iresponsable ka kasi." And then she came raging, slapped me infront of my classmates and everyone else. Gladly my sister came with her, she was dragged by my sister to prevent any other misbehavior to happen. It's not that much, but my confidence broke down, ofcourse. After that incident, my classmates repeatedly asks me whats with my mom, whats the problem, and I couldn't tell them. I have a reputation inside the school to keep and it went like that. Patuloy lang yung mga ganitong bagay. Inside our house there is 4 of us. My mom, dad, my sister and me. I am treated as a blacksheep of the family. Right from the start I heard my mom blame me saying, "Di naman kami uuwi dito kung hindi dahil sayo eh. Matigas kasi ulo mo. Ang ganda ganda ng buhay namin sa Dubai, di kagaya dito mahirap kumita ng pera!" I just shrugged and still do my thing. To enjoy, study, and be with people who knows my true personality. When I'm outside, I am joyful yet reserved one. Many people get intimidated to me, and see me like a very good child. Like I don't do anything bad. While inside the house, they think like I am a very bad person. My mom and dad always says, "Wala ka na ngang kwenta, masama pa ugali mo." They're so mad at me for some reason. I graduated 4th year, with honor. Because no matter how bad I look to them, I never forget to study hard. I wanted to make them proud atleast in academics. But I think it's not that much appreciated. I won't be in the honor list if I don't strive for it, isn't it? Yet I never heard them say that they're proud of me. Instead they always threaten me that when I got a bad grade they'll stop me from studying, mag asawa na lang daw ako. Hahaha. I am so pressured. I don't want ro stop. Literally saying, I enjoyed my teen year, but what I am proud of is that I never tried doing drugs, smoking, and bad things such as those. But they always insisted that I do, they even want to get me checked in the hospital. I feel so bad. I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR MYSELF! I am always blamed for something I hated to do. I entered college, a new start for me. My sister planned to help me get into a good and private school, she promised me but I know that it's impossible, but it's okay. Since my parents always had a problem about money, I decided to take an entrance exam test in a state university in able to prevent them from spending money. Kasi in the first place, ako nga daw ang dahilan kung bakit nandito sila sa pilipinas at naghihirap. I studied at Sta. Mesa Manila. By the way, I changed for good, my close relatives like my tita and grandma saw that change from me. Inside the house, I do choirs, I mop the floor, I change bed sheets, I wash dishes from morning till night, I do things man can do, I operate all high tech devices, I do the laundry, I do the shelves, I clean the house, I clean the ref, I fold the clothes, and everything else. I do what ever thing that I can to please them, but I guess that wasn't enough. I'm still the "walang kwentang anak." And aside from that, I studied in a University where there is too much pressure going on. It's not just a school, it's a home for students who can handle a lot of pain in the brain. But my parents thinks that I am in a gimik, that I don't go to school, that I don't study. Everytime I came home from school, my mom would say, "San ka nanaman galing? Lumandi ka nanaman jan sa labas. Maghugas ka na jan, para naman may pakinabang ka." There's just too much going on. I never came home peaceful. I am stressed inside cause I feel like there's no one inside our home that I can talk to after a tiring day. The place where I expected that I can be open and appreciated. I experienced going in school without eating breakfast because there is nothing prepared in the dining. I go to school with a 150 in hand. Including my fare back and forth and the rest for my food. Until every week, that 150 is deducted to 130, 120. How can I survive with that? They don't gave me extra. I always have to ask for it. Before going to school, I asked for my grandma or Tita, or Ate if I can borrow any amount of money to lend me, pandagdag lang sa baon ko. In school, I was always alone. My classmates often see me spacing out. I eat alone, I sit alone, I wait alone, I am always with myself. But my parents think that I have a lot of friends. Akala nila may "barkada" ako, kasi mukha nga namang may barkada ako sa schhol. Yes, I do have few friends. My classmates can prove that. They never really tried to know who I am. They never talked to me without judging a little thing about my shortcomings. Instead they judge me for what I showed them. I admit I never go home straight from school, instead I make myself occupied and happy because I wanted to spend my day without a problem, I play in SM alone, dance, eat when I have spare money, I do what makes me happy, because I know that at the end of the day, I'll come back home with the same problem, the place where I feel so toxic. I am suppressed. I never feel appreciated at home. Just because I show them a side where I'm strong doesn't mean they need to use my potential that much. Aside from that, I have diseases, my spinal column suffers from a dextroscoliosis, I told my parents about it, but they just keep telling me that, "Ipapa check-up ka na lang pag may pera na." Don't shrugged me off, it's not a little defect. Years go by but still nothing happened. But when it's them that's sick, money was all over the place, they can even find ways to borrow money. They were supposed to be the people who'll help me grow, but they don't. They'll supposed to be the people who can understand me. I don't exactly know what to feel anymore. Feeling ko umaagos na lang yung buhay ko sa ganon lang. I do sometimes think that I have mental issues, or emotional problem because of keeping this all inside. I never ever had a chance to speak without being scolded, without hearing unpleasant words. I never ever had a chance to speak where I'm right. They always made me feel I'm wrong. I'm wrong in everything I do. People, I love my parents. We have different ways to show our love. I showed them that but they can't see it because they're blinded by the things I did before that caused them to be where they are now. Before I left, I send a message to my sister about taking care of them including my little sister. I told her not to leave their side no matter what happens because she's the responsible one in their eyes. I told my sister to bear whatever my parents are doing, because out of all people, my sister is the one who can justify what I am saying right now, she's the only one I can lean on when I am done of myself that time. She's the only one who believes in me and of what I am capable of. Sabi nga niya, "Ikaw pa yung mas panganay satin gumalaw." ( I miss you so much Ate. ) Whenever I am near to breaking down, I always seek for my sister's company to tell her how miserable I feel. I told my Ate that maybe, I wasn't the daughter our parents could be proud of.Thats when I left bringing my uncomplete self but bolder, searching for people who can complete me atleast because that's what I never felt. Hinahanap ko yung sarili ko, kung san ba ko talaga dapat lumugar. I wouldn't be this tough if only I did feel that love from my parents. I don't have the family you think I have. Yes people, I may look good, but you don't know how many things are going on in me. At some point in my life, I'm suicidal, I wrote my stuff in Tumblr. I even do wrote a suicidal letter. Hahaha. But my faith that was taught to me prevented that to happen. To teens like me, you're lucky if you have parents who supports you fully and cheers you up. You don't know guys how lucky you are. I'm not trying to ask for sympathy, I just wanted you to know a part of my side. Parents, always remember that caring is different from satisfying your ego of being in parenthood. You we're all designed to love your child unconditionally, understand them atleast, and listen to them, an ear that listens is much better than speaking your preach everytime. Reach out for your child, before it's too late. You may not admit that you're doing the same thing but you'll never know until you ask. Ask them what they feel about you, ask them if there is something you need to improve or change. It's not always your child that needs to fit in. In all forms of relationship, balance is the key. You're not just designed to feed us to grow physically, you need to feed us to grow our individuality, to nurture it. Dictation leads to incontentment, so let them decide for themselves, when they seem to choose the wrong path thats when you need to preach. "Papunta palang kayo, pabalik na kami." Yes that's true but we are in a way different path, once we're born our stories are already written in our hands, you all need to accept that. We are who you showed us to be. Parents will be parents. I didn't ask for you all to believe what I said, but I'm leaving this here. It's your choice to believe or not, whatever you have to say, you're all free to say it. But always think before you speak. I don't intend to trigger you all but this is what it is. I don't want me nor my parents to be bashed, I dont want our personal life to be at stake just like this but I don't have any choice but to speak myself up. This is the only form I can, and the only way I see. I've tried confront and personal talks but it leads to misunderstanding so I leave it all here never to be done again. This is just a part of the story, I repeat. It doesn't end here.

[trnbrypngnbn]

To my person.

I think that you are placed into peoples lives for a reason. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky and what I have done to deserve a friend like you. People have come and gone out of my life, but for some reason you never left. Your friendship is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I could write a book about the positive affect you have had on my life. Your heart is of the purest that I have ever known and everyone you meet feels your spirit the second they meet you. Your energy and smile radiates whenever you walk through a door. The love and compassion that you show for others is special. I am so grateful to be affected and influenced by you. I hope that one day I can be half of the person that you are. You believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. You loved me when I was hard to love. You listened to me when I didn’t have a voice and let me cry in your arms when I was broken. But most importantly, you never gave up on me. That is special. You know me to my core. You know what makes me smile and what ticks me off. You can tell in an instant when I am upset and then continue to do everything in your power to make me feel better. If I am going through something, you are the first person to text me to make sure I am okay. When my confidence lags, you reassure me of myself. You understand my odd sense of humor, my love for sarcasm, and laugh at my terrible jokes and side comments. I have never had a bad moment with you. You fill my life with an immense amount of happiness and love. I know that wherever life takes us, you will be part of my life. If we don’t talk for some time, we pick up right where we left off. Whenever I need you, I know you will always be there. You are the epitome of a beautiful human being. I hope that every person in this world has someone like you in their lives

[trnbrypngnbn]

I am the living proof of an unknown goal of life, scattered story which even myself cannot stitch it for my own good.

Hi, I’m a seventeen year old girl... a quite jolly one but nobody knows what I was going through. At first glance, you can be captured by my personality which naturally brings warmth and happiness within you. I am proud to say that I want to save everyone and every individual in the darkness. I know darkness is just a freaking idea about the darker side of life, but nevertheless, I still want to believe that idea because I’ve been through it a lot, very often, and every single second of my seventeen years of existence. I have experienced family fucking problems, school bullying, love’s unfair play, friends leaving me behind, and my biggest problem? Myself. I always thought I was never enough for anyone in this world and I will never be... I will never fit in. 

Since the day one, I never found peace in myself. And I wonder when I can finally have it? It’s been years that I never had enough respect for who I am. Why? Because I am just a product of a successful begging for a kid to live. I am never loved by people whom I expect to love me the most in the first place, the supposed to be the safest place and my home. The place where I would like to run to when I am so broke out of the day. The place which I expected to give me the feeling of being safe. But I never did feel it. I am not sad, I am stressed... I am near to being depressed and that’s what I fear the most. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, but I am starting to fade away. I want to scream and seek for help,  I want to tell story about how I keep myself alive, but I wonder if anyone would like to listen and do something for me. Save me please.... the words I want to say, but never spill out of my mouth. 

Honestly, I don’t know where to start, I don’t know how to share this, I don’t know.... I don’t know myself. All I know is to make myself believe that I was fine and wear all my made up mask when I’m leaving. My life indeed is a survival of the fittest, the strongest soul make it last. Yes I am strong, because I have to. Yes I am still surviving because I still have reasons to be. Yes I still last... but the question is.... until when? How many days? How many weeks? Months? We don’t know, I don’t know either. While everyone sees themselves years from now, there’s still me who’s future is blocked from the sight. Maybe I don’t have a future at all? Funny, aight? 

Hey kid! I called myself. I’m strong even when my life’s making me weak, my body is slowly giving in and it’s killing me softly. My lungs are tearing apart making me hard to breath.... hard to take all the pollution of my life, giving unstoppable commotions that eventually suffocates me. And for a short period of time, I forgot to breath. My spine that supposed to be as straight as the goals and future of normal people. Instead, you are curved as if you want to wreck all my internal organs to dislocate. Curved that is like I will never ever make it straight till the end, like there’s no turning back. And I cannot make things organized for myself. My blood whose supposed to pump blood continuously making me feel alive... where are you? I guess you’re already tired circulating all over a dead kid’s body. All over a body that is never been cleaned at all. A body that is tired of it’s system, stay low. My eyes, your so precious to me, because of you I was able to see the goodness of life and the bad side at the same time. Am I cruel enough to ask why are you slowly fading to black? Why are you so blurred that I am not able to see the future? I always have to struggle and it’s painful for me just to see things clear. My knees and feet, I thought we’re going to travel the world? I expected you to dance with me when I needed you the most. Don’t give up please. Dance with the up’s and down’s of my life, walk with the path I am walking in. But why? Why are you leaving me behind? My brain, you’re supposed to be calm right? Well, you’re not. It’s a sign that you’re tired of thinking and analyzing the scattered ideas, experience, lessons, doubts.... it’s alarming me that I should stop now. I know you’re tired a long time ago and finally you’re reacting to it. It’s not a good feeling but at least I know that you did your part so well, hold on brain. Give up now, if you want to. Maybe it’s time for me to accept the fact that life really isn’t for everyone. 

How can you continue life with all of that? After all that I have said? I still don’t know the answer. I know people judge me.... but no way I can blame you because you only know a little. You talk for what you see, and I accept that. Now tell me, how can I live? How can I be productive? How can I continue? So many questions asked, yet no one can answer even myself. So many thoughts but little do spill out. Limited words to say, less problems exposed. The lesser problems stated, the longer you have to bear. Bearing it all inside... that’s where I excel the most. 

I’m tired. I guess I need to rest....

[trnbrypngnbn]

I might be too young to settle down and marry, but I'm definitely too old to be playing anymore games. I'm too old to just be talking to someone, too old to not know what's really going on, and too old to be entertaining somebody with no intentions of making it work. At this age, I'm only interested in consistency, stability, respect and loyalty. And I want to hear someone tell me that they love me and know they goddamn mean it.

dailyinspirationquotes

[trnbrypngnbn]

Maybe I’m not over him yet, but maybe I don’t want to be?

I’ve been told I feel too much, that I love too hard, that I jump in too fast and hold on too long. I sound like a train wreck, like a mess of feelings that no one could ever handle, but I don’t think that’s the truth. The truth is, I have a big heart and I’m really not ashamed of it.

The truth is, I’m not over him yet. And maybe I don’t want to be.

See, the world will think I’m crazy for not moving on, for not diving back into another relationship, for not getting under another guy, for not involving myself in a string of long-winded, unlabeled meaningless attachments that are exactly that—meaningless.

But I’m not that kind of girl.

See, I’ve finally decided to embrace it. The feelings, the emotions, the heart that’s almost always bursting out of my chest.

I don’t think I’m weak for still caring about someone I used to love. I don’t think I’m crazy for not being over him. There’s no specific time span for moving on. There’s not a set of rules I must follow, or checkpoints I must meet. I’m not a damn psycho, cyberstalking each of my exes’ every moves. I’m not holding onto pieces of them, reminding myself everyday of what I’ve lost. Realistically, I’m living my life, but when I’m reminded of someone from my past, I don’t push the thought out of my head.

I embrace it. I remember. I feel.

I’m not going to lie, especially not to myself. I’m not over it yet. I’m not over the sound of his laughter, the way he made me smile. I’m not over the little reminders of him in the pages of my notebooks, in the pictures on my bedroom walls, in the little town where we once fell in love.

But I don’t have to be over all that just yet. And maybe I don’t want to be.

Maybe I want to allow myself the freedom of feeling, of acknowledging that love is real, and that love takes time to grow from, to heal from, to let go of.

There’s no point in pretending I don’t care, and I didn’t care. Because I did. Because I do. Because I probably always will. Not in the sense of wanting him back, not in the sense of crying over him every single night, not in the sense of keeping myself stuck in one place, and stuck on missing him.

Just because I haven’t moved on doesn’t mean that I’m still sitting here, wishing for us to be in love.

It just means I’m not going to pretend, not going to jump into something I’m not ready for, not going to sleep with someone just because the world is pushing me to. That’s not me. It won’t ever be me.

I’ll feel. I’ll remember. I’ll think about that person and smile with our memories.

I’m not ready to move on, to forever put him behind me, to never think about him or wonder how he’s doing, even months and years along the road.

I don’t want him back. But I don’t want to pretend he never existed.

Because love is real to me, and I feel it deeply. And there’s no sense in lying, and pretending I don’t.

[trnbrypngnbn]

I could never understand.

I could never understand why you loved her more, or why you loved her at all, because she left a sick feeling in your stomach and a bad taste in your mouth and love is supposed to be sick in a good way, not sick in a “tell my mom i love her” kind of way.

And I could never understand why I loved you more, or why I loved you at all, because you left bruises on my heart and bruises on my skin and I forgot the taste of your lips because i was drowning in my tears and love is supposed to be drowning in a good way, not drowning in a “oh my god there’s so much blood” kind of way.

And I couldn’t understand why you were able to fuck her with the lights on and off, but you couldnt even hug me in front of your mom, and she always looked at me with sad eyes and I never understood why until I overheard her one night after dinner while she said “let this poor girl go now before you break her heart.”

And I have yet to understand why you loved her more or why you  loved her at all because saying her name burned your throat worse than alcohol did and she left you with a smile on her face and  her knife in your chest but you still crawled after her.

(ctto)

[trnbrypngnbn]

It’s a will to do so...

Have you ever been in a life that you just want to die in an instant? Like for real, right now. It’s never too late to feel that you don’t belong in this world. I seriously want to die. I think they will be happy.... so much happier without me. 

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What it takes to be the first?

Dati, I’m always striving to be number 1. Lagi kong gusto na manguna, kasi diba, sa mga competition, kung sinong nangunguna, siya lagi yung panalo? That’s why I have always wanted to be first in everything... Pinagyayabang ko madalas na ako ang First Love mo, madalas ko yun ipagmayabang. Kung paligsahan to, hindi ba dapat ako ang panalo? Kasi ako ang nauna eh, diba? Pero sa pag-ibig, iba pala eh. Iba pala. Kasi sa pag-ibig, laging talo ng huli ang una. At nung malaman ko yun, bigla kong naisip, na paano kaya kung mas nauna siya sakin? Paano kung hindi ako ang nauna mong minahal? Posible kayang ako ang piliin mo? Kung hindi lang sana ako ang nauna, hindi kaya, ako dapat ang minamahal mo ngayon? Haha. Nakakatawa diba? I always wanted to be first pero... For the first time in my life... I regretted being first. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be last. I wanted to be your last. 

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What true love is...

Heartbreak is one of the worst feelings, in my opinion to ever feel. It is an emotion that doesn't have an easy fix and It can stay with you forever. It also, can break you down from the inside out. Heartbreak is something no one can help make better. It is something each individual person learns to deal with uniquely, whether that's by crying to sleep every night or writing their feelings out. It isn't easy. Losing someone you loved more than anything is kind of like torture because you can't do a thing about it, especially if they are the ones who left. You watch in agony as they walk away, and how they seem completely fine living without you. While you are stuck wishing all they would do is turn back and say what a big mistake it was for them to leave.... But normally that never happens. What does happen though is you learn to cope. You learn to work on yourself and look past something that used to make you so happy. You also realize that when things started to go bad, no matter how much you denied it, you knew it would end. You figure out that none of it was your fault. Because life is life and some people just aren't meant for you but on that journey, you have to make sure you let them go. You deserve a person who will give you everything they can to make you happy. You deserve a person who doesn't question whether they want to be with you. You deserve a person who knows you are the one they want to spend the rest of their life with. And you need to make sure you allow that person to find you. Heartbreak takes a long time to get over, but you need to remember, if it didn't work out with them it will work out with someone else. It is not the end of the world. If anything, it is the light at the end of the dark tunnel because of all the self discovey you will do on this journey, as well as eventually finding "the one". It's very hard to look into the future and know that things will be alright... But from one person who thought she would never find "the one", after her heart was crushed I can promise you that it will happen. True love will never break your heart, remember that. By Nicole Clements - Writers Page

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Relatable...

She understands that you're busy. She understands that you have priorities. She understands that you can't talk to her 24/7. But you know what? She would rather be able to at least talk to you a little bit than to not talk to you at all. No guy is that busy. If a guy likes a girl, he would talk to her and make no excuses. Nothing would stop him from talking to her. No guy is busy enough to the point where you can't spare 10 seconds out of your day to text your girl to at least say "Hi" or "I hope you're having a good day" or "I miss you" or "I love you" because it literally takes 10 seconds or less to type that and press send and when you can't even do that, it really makes her feel like you aren't interested, that she's boring to talk to, or you could be full of shit and you're actually "busy" entertaining some other girl. So now, she's the one sending you double, triple, quadruple texts and you haven't replied to any of them, making her seem like she's the crazy, clingy, obsessed type when she's not any of those things. But you need to know, a girl can only "understand" so much until she finally understands that she shouldn't be looking an idiot waiting for your texts to come. Just understand when you start hearing from her less and less until eventually, you don't hear from her and by then when you finally decide to start paying attention, you'll be the one having your messages left on "Read". — Teddie Nguyen

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Sometimes, you're too much.

You know what, di naman masamang maging makatotohanan lang sa buhay. Yung tipong lahat ng bagay may logical explanation ka, yung lahat ng bagay feeling mo mali sila, tas ikaw yung tama. Being logical, sometimes it's the opposite of itself and you're proving it to me. Tama ka, we're kind of the same when it comes to critical thinking, we both have the same taste and all, sa mga bagay pareho tayo ng gusto, ng opinion, and such. But we differ on arguments when it's taken to every piece and aces. You often say na napipikon ako pag nir-realtalk mo ko, when the real fact is, I'm just stating my argument that way. You always thought that I am pissed off that fast when I was actually explaining my own side. Lagi mong sinasabi na "open minded" ka. Do you really know what being an open minded is? Seeing your repetitive argument style, I'm starting to think you don't belong to the league of Op's. Pag sinabi kong di ako galit, di ako galit. Basic. Wag kang tanga. Wag kang puro tamang hinala at husga. Yes, husga. Lagi kong napapansin na andami mong reklamo sakin. Like "bat ba nagagalit ka pag nagsasabi ako ng totoo, gusto mo kasi lagi ganito ganyan". What the fuck bruh, watch you're own words. Ikaw ang laging maraming angas sa buhay. Wala kang pake pero kung maka-react ka diba? Di mo ba napapansin na pag nagsisimula ka nang mag ganyan, nananahimik na lang ako? Kasi arguing with you is so pointless. Kasi nga sabi mo "totoo ka lang", so ano pang ipu-push ko? Wala din naman magbabago sa iniisip mo. Ganyan kasi open minded sayo. So be it. You're just living the style cause it seems pretty cool, ey? Isa pa. Lagi mong sinasabi na "sarcastic" ka. Well, can't argue to that. Kasi yun yung gusto mo eh. You do sarcasm when you talk? That's not the point of sarcasm in the first place. It's a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain to the one you're giving your phrases with. Sana alam mo yun. When you don't care, don't do sarcasm, it's not appropriate. Masasabihan ka lang na may attitude ka. Sabagay, wala ka namang pake eh. I know how you think. Your points are pointless, at some point. Minsan naiisip ko, kinakain ka ng sistema sa kakabasa mo ng mga bagay bagay sa internet eh. You're starting to be one of the "cool kids". Sa napapansin ko... you search too much info, and you'll judge after it. Pero di mo lang sinasabi para pa-mysterious type and brainy kid ka. Bruh, stop doing that, di mo kina-cool. You hate accepting mistakes, failures, and backstabs even the frontstrikes, iniisip mo lagi, "bat nila nasasabi yun? eh sila nga... etc, etc", "alam ni ganito...". See? Hirap ka na tumanggap, naghahanap ka pa ng kakampi. Wrong move eh. Di ko naman sinasabi na di ako ganyan. Yes, I am sort of, but it depends on the situation. As long as I can, ginagawa ko mag isa. Pero ikaw? Dami mo nang pinuna dahil sa pagiging makatotohanan mo, pero ikaw pa may ganang magsabi na "oh bat galit ka?". Meron kasing word na "offend" sa dictionary. Try mo i-search. You sound so unpleasant. Di mo malaman kung anong pinaglalaban mo, kaya I always end up saying "yeah, oo nga, hahaha, true" just to cut your bullshit. Sometimes, I just want to say "Your argument is invalid" but I end up not doing so, kasi feeling ko di ka matatapos sa kakapaliwanag ng side mo. Sometimes, I just want to rub the truth in your face, but I also end up controlling myself cause I know, papasaringan mo ako ng mga bagay na nababasa mo sa social media na sa tingin mo ay legit at isang malaking fact. Social Media is far more un-identical (different) to real life. Must know that. You also said that you're a realist. A man living in a realistic world and mental thinking. Medyo contradicting kasi sa sinabi mo na "sabi ko sayo mas okay sa dark side eh". You said that mas okay maging mag isa, kasi dun mo nakikita yung tama at mali, mas nakakapag isip ang such. Bruh, alam mo ba yung "no man is an island" yan yung realistic eh, di yung dark side keme mo. Being a realist is a very deep thought, it's a matter of truth. Kasi kung realist ka, dapat mabuhay ka na pantay lang. Nakikijam sa colorful and dark side. You won't take sides kasi nga realistic ka. It's the quality of a person who understands what is real and possible in a particular situation and is able to deal with it. Wag kang dark side ng dark side, di porke maganda at cool sa paningin eh uugaliin mo na din. Kaya, know the difference before uttering a word, every single word you say matters, and can be used against you. So payo ko lang, know the difference so you won't look like an idiot to me. Nahahanapan kita lagi ng butas sa opinions and arguments mo pero nagsalita ba ko? Nirealtalk ba kita ng mabigat? No. Because I know how to lay my opinions and arguments right, I know when to use my sarcasm, I know where to be an open minded and where it's not needed, I know how to be a realist when I want to. Logical and critical thinking is far more than what you know. Don't claim to be one, when you clearly don't know how to be one. If you happen to read this, then great, I used to be the "shut-up-na-lang-ako" kasi that's your beliefs. I do respect your opinions and all without having a word, but you stir me up this time. Okay lang naman sakin yung mga "just-saying" at makatotohanan mong sabi sabi, pero dapat alam mo kung san mo ilulugar. Don't be so "wala akong pake, basta sinasabi ko yung totoo." Napaka insensitive and jusgemental, di lang ikaw tao sa mundo, di lahat ng r-realtalkin mo eh matatanggap yang ilalabas ng bibig mo. Baka sa susunod makahanap ka ng katapat mo. And stop feeling like I am mad, I just don't feel like giving you my opinion cause you think too much. Paranoid ka diba? And to end this up for a while, i'll be the "pa-realtalk naman sayo" in your world full of "just saying". ;) You're too much.

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One Step at a Time

I’m so sorry no one explained that it was all necessary. All the pain, all the disappointments, all the set backs, all the rejection, all the heartache, and even the betrayal were your friends. For you see, it was through your tears your purpose was revealed. Your passion was ignited and your destiny was Awakened. Give thanks for it all, forgive others, forgive yourself, and let it all go. As you release all the poison take in all the love. With a grateful heart give thanks for your victory, say yes to your calling, and live your bliss. Your purpose is birth out of your pain. Reveal you pain and you discover your gift. Do not hide any longer. Opportunities and new possibilities are awaiting your arrival. Let the past go, take a step towards your passion, and watch your purpose launch you into your greatness. You survived it all, now allow it to empower the life you desire. Say yes and begin the celebration. You are more than enough and you have what it takes. I celebrate your awesomeness and I remember how great you are. Now get started on birthing your passion, the world is awaiting your arrival. One step at a time.  

(c) 

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I’ve trusted you?

Hello. I woke up this morning receiving a message containing words that I don’t want to receive. Like, nababaliw na ko kakaisip kung bakit niya nasabi sakin yun? Ano kayang nagawa ko? Hindi na ba niya ko mapapatawad? Those words are very deep and sobrang bigat nun. Kahit nga ako di ko pa yun nasasabi sa mga taong nagkamali sakin. I didn’t expect it coming from him. Akala ko cool lang kami. Kasi the last time we talked okay pa kami but then I woke up receiving the “I’ve trusted you.” It’s painful, right? Masakit yun lalo na kung ikaw, pinagkakatiwalaan mo yung tao, tapos you stayed for that person, and that person is special for you. Hays. I’m tearing my brain apart just to know kung ano bang nagawa ko sa kaniya. Kung meron man, then I’m sorry. I’m not perfect naman. I tried to be, but I’m not. Why do people always leave me hanging like that? Hobby na ba nila? The word trusted is bothering me. It’s like, “I gave you my 100% trust, but I don’t trust you now.” Trusted is past tense. So it’s really fast like that? Ganyan ba yun? Kung ganyan yun, edi magbibigti na lang ako ngayon. Tama nga siguro, don’t get too attached. Never let your feelings get too deep, people can change at any moment. Pero nevertheless, kung ano man yun... I’m really very sorry. If I can’t change it, then let it be. Kasalanan ko naman siguro talaga eh. Again, I’m sorry for you. Kasi you trusted someone like me.