trivinia

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me, as a spy: ok gotta be quiet gotta be sneaky my joints: *crack*

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oh to be surrounded by fine china and porcelain plates. oh to smash it all up, screaming

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An NYPD detective is forced into an early retirement after a case gone awry. He moves into a small idyllic town in Canada. But the town holds a dark secret.

Except the secret in all his head. The town is actually as wholesome and idyllic as it seems to be.

The townsfolk are all just playing along with his investigation to make him feel better about losing his job.

[trivinia]

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Today is the day

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Get in the Halloween spirit and make a ghost!

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mom: why dont you ever go outside?

me: DA BUGS!! DA BUGS MA!!! !!

[trivinia]

its all fun and games until your friends go through your 2009 facebook statuses and like them all

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Only valid person in the whole United States of America is the girl in the hospital with me who said, "You've got a fat ass for a man. I could set a cup on that thing," and then offered to do a tarot reading for me.

[trivinia]

instagram out there selling people living their “best lives” with staged photos and smiling skinny white people

twitter out there selling people their worst lives with so much discourse and occasional jokes included

and tumblr out here ain’t selling shit because it loses 10k dollars per text post about your donkey kong fetish

[trivinia]

honestly ‘himbo’ got the ‘thicc’ treatment ya’ll call a himbo every man who does a stupid thing one(1) time and who even isn’t a beefcake just like some of ya’ll call someone skinny with a little bit of ass thicc. you disgust me.

[trivinia]

hmmm. hmm. i think today is a day to wrap myself in a large blanket and lie very still

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“im getting old” starter pack

“this is way too sweet”

“they’re remaking that movie already????”

“my back hurts”

“wait, people get mad about that now?”

“I can’t eat that, its gone fuck my stomach up”

“hold on let me check my calendar first”

**turns on the radio** [groans]

[trivinia]

u ever wake up from a dream like “damn i guess i’m not coping with THAT as well as i thought i was”