tristan-mckinley

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

okay. maybe we can do something here? I don’t know if it’d count as a real date, though

Well . . . what sorta things are there to do here? [looks around]

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

okay. I’m sorry we can’t go on a date cause I’m stuck in here.

Hey, it’s okay. You won’t be here forever, right? As soon as you get out we’ll go on a date to celebrate. How does that sound?

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

[pulls away after a few moments] Hey . . . I really want this to work. But that means you have to be honest with me, okay? You gotta tell me if I do something wrong or if I hurt you. Don’t let me treat you like shit, okay?

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

no, no it’s okay.

You’re adorable. [laughs softly before moving to kiss him again]

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

(lets the kiss go on for a little longer, before he pulls back from it) my heart is beating so fast (he says a little breathlessly)

Do I need to call the nurse? [smiles a little hesitantly, unsure if it’s because of the kiss or something else]

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

okay (he nods a little, swallowing before leaning forward)

[places his hand against the side of Jeremy’s face, as he kisses him back]

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

and I’m sorry for  if - when - when I can’t remember anymore. When I really - really can’t remember, and I forget your face and the way your skin feels and how you smell

[moves to take both of Jeremy’s hands in his] You won’t forget those things. I’m going to be right here, okay? No matter what. Even if this . . . this doesn’t work out, I’m still going to be your best friend. I’m still going to be your-your Polaris.

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

I - I slept on the floor (he says, closing his eyes, squeezing them shut and trying to concentrate on something. a memory that felt like it was being pulled out of a daze) by your bed cause I - cause I wanted to be near you

[swallows hard, as Jeremy’s words do a twisty thing to his chest] Hey . . . I. I want to apologize in advance if I ever . . . hurt you. I’m going to try my best not to, I just . . . this sort of thing is really new to me and I-I have no idea what I’m doing, and I might fuck up. [adds after a pause] I’ll probably fuck up.

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

do you think you can tell them we’re going on a date? Maybe they’ll let us go if we ask nice. (he smiles a little at him before it turns to a look of worry) what if - what if I forget - what if I forget you? (he asks, not realizing that out of everything, Tristan is the only constant. The only thing or person he’s never forgotten since he met him) 

Hey. [reaches behind Jeremy’s head to hold the back of his neck and make him meet his gaze] You really think I’m going to let you forget me? I’m way too needy for that. [shakes his head with a faint grin]

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

(he’s quiet for a moment, focusing on the words Tristan has just said. the things he’s just asked) I’m not asleep am I? No, no don’t answer if I’m asleep I don’t think I want to wake up right now

No, you’re not asleep. [laughs a bit breathlessly, it getting caught in his throat] I just . . . when we made out in the barn that night . . . at my parent’s place . . . it felt different. I-I felt . . . different. And I’m starting to realize that I’ve been feeling different around you for a while now. I-I don’t know what it means, and honestly it kind of scares me a bit, or a lot, but I-I . . . I want to try and figure out what it means. Together. If . . . that’s okay?

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

it’s okay if you’re not special to him. you’re special to me. (he smiles, giving his hand a little squeeze) you said I have trouble with my memory, but that I remember. You’re special. You’re my polaris

Yeah, I know. [chews on his lip, honestly terrified of what he’s about to say next] That’s why I . . . I wanted to ask you . . . [stops, inhaling shakily] Do you . . . would you . . . do you think you could, maybe, I mean, do you think you might want to . . . go out with me? Like . . . date? [his heart hammers away, and he feels rather light-headed]

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

No, you can tell me now. I want to know now We can go somewhere else if you don’t want to say it here. (he moved to start getting out of the bed)

No, no, wait. You need to stay here. [takes Jeremy’s shoulder and pushes him back to keep him in the bed] I just . . . I had sex with Angus. You . . . probably don’t remember who he is. [rubs forehead wearily] I thought I was in love with him. But . . . I don’t know. Something’s changed. I didn’t . . . the sex didn’t feel like I thought it would. I mean, it didn’t feel any different than when I was with Sturgis. Who I was just sleeping with casually. I mean, I care about him, but it . . . I’m not anything special to him. [swallows hard, remembering the last time he and Sturgis’s spoke and the ache in his chest growing sharper]

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

I had a birthday? Were you there? Was my polaris there?

Yeah, of course I was there. [reaches over to take Jeremy’s hand, hesitating as he looks down at it] Jer . . . there’s something I need to talk to you about. I was looking for you to tell you when your aunt told me you’d be here. I’m . . . not sure if now is a good time, though. [sighs]

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

I’m not sick. I don’t feel sick. (he says a little confused about being in a hospital)  No, no that’s wrong (he shakes his head) twenty. Not twenty-one, twenty.

[bites his lip, really wishing he was better equipped to deal with this] You’re not . . . sick. You just . . . you have trouble remembering things. Like the fact that you’ve had a birthday. [smiles a little crookedly]

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

I’m okay (he’s quiet for a few passing seconds) Do you know where I am? I don’t know the way back home. Are you taking me home? You can tell them I can go home. You just say- say (he paused searching his head for his name, but not finding it) say he can go home.

[feels his heart sink into his stomach] You’re at St. Mungo’s. It’s a hospital. You . . . your name is Jeremy. Jeremy Lucas Zeller. You’re twenty-one years old and you live with your aunt who runs a bakery called The Red Cottage. You’re also a wizard who went to Hogwarts.

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

(at the touch to the shoulder he finally lifts his head. He stares at him for a moment, his face going from confused to a look of recognition) My Polaris

[can’t help but smile at the nickname, and his chest aches] Yeah, hey. It’s me. Your aunt told me you were here. How . . . how are you feeling?

[tristan-mckinley]

jeremyzeller:

(Doesn’t respond to his name, only continues to look at the thin book in his hand. It’s obviously a kids book, even though it’s wizarding world one.) 

[hesitates before moving to sit on the edge of the bed beside him] Jeremy. Hey. [reaches out to touch Jeremy’s shoulder lightly] It’s me. Tristan.