trayamary-blog

[trayamary-blog]

I do not want to recognize it

I do not want to feel it

I am trying to force it out of me

But I can feel it slowly swarming inside me.

I can feel it slowly eating the hope inside me.

I am trying to fight

I am trying to neglect it

I don't want it to overpower me.

But with everything that has been happening lately

With what everyone shows me and makes me feel,

I just don't know what might happen in the future.

[trayamary-blog]

Post #3

People say that a person's life prospers like a tree. From a very tiny seed, to a tenacious and enormous representation of life.

Just like a tree, an individual's life undergoes, storms and other forms of disasters that challenge its tenaciousness and its hold on life. After a catastrophe, other trees would still stand tall and become stronger in order to take on another disasters. Some trees, just fall down—lifeless; unable to withstand that distress that has been experienced.

I have always been a proud and tenacious tree all my life. From every disaster that has tried to take my roots away from the soil of life I was holding onto, I have always chosen to fight and survive until the end.

However, the positive idea of fighting and surviving in every disaster is contradicting to what I truly desire.

My intentions were spoken loud and clear in my mind and deep within my heart ever since I lost the person whom I dedicated my whole life to, my mother. I have always reminded myself to keep on struggling until my roots come out themselves, not because I took them out myself. I will struggle for my survival until life itself decides to finally end my agony and be happy again. In simple terms, I wanted life to end me as soon as possible.

But— the extremities truly know no limits. It was beyond the limits and boundaries of my human mind, to ever imagine the entrance of someone who could actually change my perspective towards life, and turn me into someone who's scared to the angel of death, and death itself.

He came at the most crucial time of my life when, I began to question my existence and my importance. He came at the time when, I didn't care about myself nor my future anymore. He came at the time when I have completely abandoned the idea of hope, life and love.

The first time actually conversed and talked about life, and what he has went through, I felt numb. Hearing his thoughts, was like piercing the sharpest knife into my soul, injecting the reality that I wasn't the only one suffering. I felt guilty, I felt guilty for I thought, "How could I actually think about ending my life because of my problems when the man right in front of me is still alive and fighting despite of everything he has been through?"

His entrance was the most unexpected yet I consider as the best blessing I have ever received. It was the start of the total turn of events.

A man who was once a stranger to me became the reason why I am so scared to death at the present, and is the reason why I am starting to believe in life, hope, and love again.

[trayamary-blog]

The Epitome of a Beautiful Disaster

Amidst of the turmoil I was dwelling, life offered me a glimpse of light portrayed in a shape of a character who was made and destined to be a part of the wearing off pages of my life.

He came— He came, wearing his mesmerizing dark brown eyes, glancing into mine, as if they were looking right into my soul. I listened— I listened to the melody of his tantalizing voice, while every wave and vibrations made strummed every vein connected inside my body. I was perplexed, while looking at his out of this world features, I mouthed "Are you even human?" I shivered— I shivered when I witnessed and felt, how he gently handled and helped me to stand up and walk away from the darkness I was constantly chasing while hurting myself.

He is beautiful.

Fascinatingly beautiful.

Breathtakingly beautiful.

It's as if he inherited the bewitching beauty of Adonis, the god of beauty and desire.

But— I was bewildered, for I saw a distressed soul inside him. A soul who thinks he is a fiasco. A soul who is doubted. A soul that is degraded. A soul full of broken fragments.

A soul who has faced tons of tragedies thrown by life. A soul who has conquered every catastrophe, valiantly.

Despite of the character's fragmented entirety, I'll continuously admire the symbol of hope that was proffered to me. I'll always see his fragmented entirety as part of his spell bounded beauty.

Yes, he may be a disaster, but I am certain that he is a beautiful disaster.

[trayamary-blog]

“I Fell In Love With The Comfort Of Darkness ”

It was dark. It was cold. I sensed and felt the eerie crawling inside the rose gold cloth that was covering the entirety of my body. I gasped for the noises that I longed to hear to calm my disturbed soul, only to hear nothing but the swift passing of the wind across the four corners of the room. I panicked - calmly. Strange it is, but once the eerie feeling touched the very core of my soul passing through my flesh, it bestowed me the bizarre face of contentment and serenity. I never thought that the room that I have always been with, would become a stranger to me. I never thought that the negativity that I have always turned down, would grant me the feeling of serenity, and contentment that I have been longing and yearning for. I remained silent, desperately feeling the blessing of hope, crafted within the face of darkness. I started to embrace my most feared enemy, my own demon. Letting me feel like adoring a jet black rose, wholeheartedly taking in its deadly thorns, while rejoicing on the satisfaction and bliss it gave, as the thorns penetrated deep within my flesh. I began to smell the fragrant scent of a rotting soul gashing out from the darkness I was embracing. Alarmed, I instantaneously granted my demon a look of anticipation. I saw an enchanting creature lying right beside me. It was a mess, an enchantingly beautiful mess. Right there and then, I realized, I am the mirror of the demon beside me. I was the mess, the enchantingly beautiful mess. Photo Credits: dekoreji (Pinterest)