trans-depressional-diary

[trans-depressional-diary]

I don't mind that you love her, it's the fact you pretended to love me while only having eyes for her. You made me feel worthless

[trans-depressional-diary]

OMFG she gone.

This is going to be so fucking good for everyone we will be able to function without having someone breathing down our necks putting us on edge.

I feel no sadness or pity at all

Good ridance I say

[trans-depressional-diary]

I told work about my new name, I was shaking the whole time and felt like I was going to throw up.

It went well, everyone was respectful about it and are trying to get used to my new name

[trans-depressional-diary]

I wore a skirt and stockings to work today, it felt absolutely amazing.

Sure it was part of a Halloween costume and no one really noticed but it was still pure bliss

A co-worker asked why I was smiling so much I told them that I just loved dressing up for halloween which isn't a lie, but not the reason I was so happy

[trans-depressional-diary]

I got an epilator today

That shit hurted ngl

But hopefully I won't have to shave my legs every two days

[trans-depressional-diary]

I feel like absolute shit, I have an eating disorder and a coworker thought it would be a great idea to leave a nasty note on my desk fat-shaming me for having a muffin for the morning tea.

So now I am going to starve myself for a week and fucking destroy my body.

[trans-depressional-diary]

This week was a tough one at work.

My manager was full on, I had to be in damage control all week always on edge and diffuse every situation,

I don't know how much more I can put up with before I snap.

It is a waiting game to see who drops first

[trans-depressional-diary]

So the wedding end up being really nice, despite having to be in full boy mode the whole time in front of family and friends.

I was still quick to shed my men's clothes afterwards and put on a skirt

[trans-depressional-diary]

I swear I get closer and closer to coming out every day, but I think it will be best to wait until I move out for my mental health, so If it doesn't go well I can retreat to somewhere safe.

[trans-depressional-diary]

Only a week until the wedding, first of all I don't agree with this matrimony I can only see this ending badly.

It kills me being a groom's man, having to wear that dumb suit in front of everyone, I would much rather wear a dress.

The dysphoria is going to kill me, I already can't wait to get out of those clothes that night.

[trans-depressional-diary]

How could he do that, how? I don't know how I can pretend to not know.

I want everyone to know his crimes, it feels like thats the right thing to do, but I know how many people it would destroy to know the truth.

The myriad of relationships would end from the actions of one stupid man.

[trans-depressional-diary]

The void really set in today, why is life so rigged. we go to school for 12 years, uni for 4 years, just so we can work until we are 80 and too old to enjoy things any more because all we know is work.

All I want is to be happy.