tranon

[tranon]

12 May 2020

Just did my shot like four days late because I’ve been too depressed to get up and do stuff lol

Still no updates idk voice cracking happens every now and then but it’s not deeper. Just gets higher when I’m nervous gang gang

[tranon]

I thought shaving my head would give me seratonin. It did not.

(I didn’t actually think that because that would imply that I thought before I did it)

It did make me ever more insecure though.

[tranon]

I got drunk and had an in depth existential conversation and I need to do my shot but I can’t because my brother is in here and if I pull out needles, he’s gonna think I’m doing heroin FUCK

[tranon]

congratulations to american rock band my chemical romance for turning the entire state of new jersey trans

[tranon]

18 April 2020

I got my prescription refilled but despite my dose going up, I’m still getting 1ml vials so I’m gonna have to buy multiple every month so now the price has over doubled. Yikes 😤

Oh and my mother who is “supportive” decided to let me know how much she hates me and that I ruined her life (even though she literally ruined mine so eat shit) and wants to talk about how “you WANT to be a boy but I can’t tell because you’re such a bitch” -insert deadname 15,000 times- lol 🔥

o and also, the word boy feels rlly weird idk like ,, I’m not a boy I’m a fucking man. I’m an adult.

[tranon]

18 April 2020

No updates, not shit has changed. (I mean they’re making it a living hell to get my script filled but whatever)

Just here to say that yesterday was officially 3 months on T 🤪🤪

[tranon]

7 April 2020

Gang gang gang

Idk hella stomach hair and apparently my voice has dropped a lil bit. Work on Sunday- coworker told me my voice sounded deeper than it had last time we spoke (on Wednesday, I think) so?? Maybe. 😗

My follow-up appointment is tonight. I’ll be four months on T in a lil over a week and that’s fucking CRAZY. My last re-fill was also today and I’m wondering if she’s gonna write me a new script after our meeting tonight or what(?) I have no clue tbh. I’m sort of excited to see her again. We’ve only spoken in person the one time but after we met, I was glad to have met her. She’s good people and I’m looking forward to hearing from her again.

I also had some sort of sexual epiphany the other day?? To be real honest, I got high as fucking balls and just experimented for some fuckin reason. Uhhh so I still ID as asexual because that’s how I feel but I also occasionally wonder what it would be like to get fucked up by a woman. And because no one will ever see this, I’m not ashamed to admit that I quite literally want a woman to spit in my mouth, slap the shit out of me, and just tell me that I’m a piece of shit while she chokes me. I still feel straight (as straight as a non-heterosexual could get anyway) but when I rarely think about having sex, I’ve been thinking of trans women instead of cis women?

Is it fetishization if I wanna have sex with a trans woman like once. Idk I only wanna have sex like once and then I’m good for the rest of my life but I feel lowkey guilty that I may be fetishizing trans women because I’m thinking of them specifically. I’m not actually sure if I am. Tbh I don’t know how a relationship with both parties being trans would work- either really well or terribly, I’m assuming. But I feel like it sounds nice, seeing as (on opposite sides) we’d understand what the other one is going through and be able to help/be there for one another? And trans women are just fucking cute idk I love them (I’m so sorry if I’m fetishizing trans women that is gross, how do I know if that’s what I’m doing??)

But also can you just like make out and get slapped and all that shit non sexually. Because I want that always. I’ve never thought I’d be into being degraded because that sounds weird and I also get emotional if someone looks at me wrong but I also fantasize about having a girl spit in my mouth and tell me she hates me. Yikes

[tranon]

31 March 2020

I decided to record myself talking today and it definitely sounds deeper. I’m sure the majority of it is that I’ve changed me speaking patterns but I think some of it is just the T. It’s dope.

Physically, nothing has changed other than stomach hair. Again. 🤷🏼‍♂️

[tranon]

20 March 2020

A lil bit over two months on T. Idk if it’s how I’m talking or if it’s the T or if it’s something different but I think I detect my voice dropping a tiny bit. I also did my shot in my stomach for the first time- it’s only been about three hours but it’s gone well so far. I didn’t see any residue leak out but I think I might have had a harder time getting all of it out of the syringe. (Though it’s impossible to get every drop tbh) Eh trying new things.

I’m also trying to lose weight now so if I can ever afford top surgery, I won’t have to wait any longer to lose weight. Though, I know I’m not too overweight to have surgery now, but I know that any doctor in the world would want me to. Surgery or not. It’s hard because I don’t have the time or the motivation to work out so it’s pretty much food based weight loss here. Which, I’m eating less then I used to but I’m also poor and don’t drive so I pretty much just eat whatever I can get which isn’t really healthy food. Shit’s hard idk

I’m tired.

[tranon]

Psa:

You need dysphoria to be trans

You need dysphoria to be trans

You need dysphoria to be trans

You need dysphoria to be trans

You need dysphoria to be trans

You need dysphoria to be trans

You need dysphoria to be trans

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[tranon]

date a trans guy who is the embodiment of "short, angry, and ready to bite god"

[tranon]

I want a relationship where we can get drunk at midnight, just the two of us, and sit up talking and making out all night, and go to the beach at four in the morning. I want someone who’s down for adventure. I want someone who will go camping with me, and boating, and fishing, and travel. I want someone who wants me for life. I want passion that doesn’t burn out.

[tranon]

things i want to do after i transition/go on t:

1. put flowers in my beard

2. go to pools shirtless

3. literally everything shirtless

4. cuddle with girls without them considering it a platonic girl thing

5. do some feminine things without feeling as dysphoric

6. lie facedown anywhere and not have a painful/uncomfortable chest

7. having people call me sir???

8. not have people think im an sjw when i say im not a girl

9. give girls piggyback rides

10. girls

[tranon]

Yall ever look at the mannequins in the men’s section and just

[tranon]

alternatively:

[tranon]

ok but deadass I’ve been thinking about sex a lot. not in a i-wanna-have-sex-right-now kind of way. I don’t wanna have sex, I never wanna have sex honestly. I’ve just been thinking about the fact that I’ll never have sex. Like if I just want to have sex at some point, that’s too bad because guess what!! I don’t have a dick and so like

Ukno I’ll never be able to get hard and stick my pp in someone. And I want to idk - like at least once. I just wanna know what it’s like pls let me have sex. Or at least jerking off. Like I don’t get horny so it’s not like I have that craving inside me right at the moment. I just get mad as hell when I realise that I’ll never be able to whip my dick out and jerk off whenever I want to. What does it even feel like to jerk off ?? Idk and I’ll never know. fUCK I ain’t ever even had one and I miss my penis.

[tranon]

When you’re having a bad dysphoria day