tothemaxxed

[tothemaxxed]

being asked if i was a part of gaylor by a gen x woman at my local alt bar and receiving a high five in response has got to be one of my highlights of the summer

also my bf and I both being her favorite gays in the establishment and her wishing she was younger so she could flirt with us is up there

[tothemaxxed]

Intimacy is not just about sex. It's having heart-to-hearts, staying up all night talking, sharing childhood memories, thoughts, fears, dreams & hopes for the future. It's uncontrollable laughter, direct eye contact and feeling each other without touching - it's exchanging energy

[tothemaxxed]

you don’t touch me anymore because i am not new and watching that loss of interest is heartbreaking

[tothemaxxed]

i don’t know what to do. a bitch is mentally ill and the only people who need to see it don’t while everyone else does

[tothemaxxed]

i’m always exhausted. not sleepy or tired, but exhausted. I wake up ready for the next time i go to bed. every interaction packs a punch and I don’t have the tools to fight back. My brain is a piece of work. I’m so so exhausted

[tothemaxxed]

✞ 666 ✞

[tothemaxxed]

every day i find proof that i am nowhere near healed of my trauma

you shut down on me and now i’m 10 years old begging you to talk so i can fix your mood

[tothemaxxed]

i spent about 2-3 hours in the sunlight today and have never felt better, something something photosynthesis

[tothemaxxed]

women have historically come up to me and been like “you’re the reason i found out i wasn’t straight” and i think that position deserves some on-site benefits

[tothemaxxed]

something something something canine poetry bite the hand that fingers you idk blah blah blah bird at your door

[tothemaxxed]

me when i’m a burnt child who loves the fire

[tothemaxxed]

things 16 year old me would be happy to learn:

- figuring out gender

- figuring out sexuality

- sick ass™️ aesthetic

things 16 year old me would not be happy to learn:

- mental illness got worse

- work ethic got worse

- we really can’t do the same stuff anymore

- we have less of a connection to blood family

[tothemaxxed]

me when i am so so fucked up in the head !! for why??????

feel like throwing up and then showering in my clothes to fight my urge to cry ALL BECAUSE of things i’m not even sure are real and i feel so so so sick

no wonder i don’t have energy for most people im so tired of fighting with myself

[tothemaxxed]

full of despair as the pomegranate bowl i made out of clay for my boyfriend crumbed in my hands on their birthday

[tothemaxxed]

yeah yeah yeah we’re dating and you want me to move with you but you haven’t said i love you in like 2 weeks to me

RAGH

[tothemaxxed]

"Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing."

- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

[tothemaxxed]

i be like “idc” then my chest start hurting