totallyace

[totallyace]

this is by far the best explanation of how asexuality and sexual attraction works

[totallyace]

All the new pride unicorns are up!! These guys have needed a refresher for ages, but I'm so happy with how they turned out! They're up in my Redbubble and Teepublic if you wanna support a little queer artist you can get them on a bunch of cute stuff!

[totallyace]

PSA:

“Asexuality” is a sexual orientation describing little to no sexual attraction

“Ayyyyy, sexuality!” is a guy at a bar imitating Chandler from Friends while talking about sexuality

“Aye, sexuality,” is a pirate giving his kids ‘the talk’

learn and know the difference!

[totallyace]

The manufacturer just sent me a photo of a sample I had made!

[totallyace]

I keep meaning to toss this link up here for other aces who might have wondered, "But I love reading/writing smut, so I guess I'm not ace?" Little excerpt from the article:

Aegosexual or anegosexual[1], historically known as autochorissexual, is a microlabel on the asexual spectrum that describes individuals who experience a disconnect between themselves and the subject of arousal. Aegosexuals may experience sexual fantasies, enjoy porn and other sexual content, or masturbate, but they generally feel little to no sexual attraction and typically do not desire to involve themselves in sex with another individual.

[totallyace]

[totallyace]

I've seen a few asexual fanfiction authors who've been congratulated, by other, non-asexual readers, on writing great smut.

I think that part of that talent is that they'll read a typical sex scene and think "that's it?", rather than getting caught up in their own imagination.

[totallyace]

Asexuals learning about sex

I didn't learn about asexuality until my twenties, so I had about 8 years of assuming I had a sexuality and was just failing to notice. When asked about crushes when I was entering my teens, I said my first crush was Jeremy Sumpter- but it wasn't him I liked, it was the soundtrack of the Peter Pan movie he starred in.

I 'came out' as bisexual to three people when I was 15, because I felt exactly the same looking at pictures of naked women as I did of naked men, and if you were equally attracted to both that meant you were bi, right?

I did a lot of informal research on sex. Articles in women's magazines, reruns of Sexcetera (which was a news show about porn/fetishes), and googling things like advice for masturbation. Which I attempted to follow out of curiosity, once or twice, but got bored of.

Learning about asexuality was a genuine relief, because I could stop waiting for the moment I realised someone was attractive to me.

Looking back, I was an unwitting anthropologist, immersing myself in a culture I wanted to understand but had little reference for. An amateur academic, researching the topic of Sex with the resources available to me.

[totallyace]

here’s a list of books with aro and/or ace main characters to the people that would like some representation

- loveless by alice oseman (aroace) - radio silence by alice oseman (ace) - upside down by n. r. walker (gay ace - aros are mentioned and loved) - ice castle: a queerplatonic love story by katie fouks (aroace) - wayward children series by seanan mcguire (ace) - how to be ace: a memoir of growing up asexual by rebecca burgess (ace) - rick by alex gino (questioning ace and maybe aro)

feel free to add more

[totallyace]

Asexuality is about attraction, not action.

I’ve found myself having to tell a few people this, and it kind of saddens me how much I see people say “but you watch porn, you can’t be ace!” Yes, you can. You can have sex and be ace. You can like it and be ace. You can masturbate and be ace.

Asexuality is little to no sexual attraction. Not little to no sexual action.

Now, replace all the “asexual” with “aromantic”, and it still works.

[totallyace]

Sex is like football. A lot of people are strangely invested in it and sometimes they seem kind of offended if you are not? It's a huge deal, pretty much everywhere, and people invest in it a Huge amount of money, time and emotion...

And I just don't get it.

[totallyace]

I had the opposite experience- I used to be incredibly uncomfortable with the mere idea of talking about sex or romance at all, with second hand embarrassment so strong I was known to walk out of movies until the kissy bits were over.

After I found out asexuality was a thing? It was just a topic of discussion I had not much interest in. I do, sometimes, get that awareness you've spoken of, that I can't relate- but that's a feeling I'm used to in other areas.

an interesting thing about realizing I was a sex-neutral ace later in life is that I started feeling a little uncomfortable in discussions about sexual things that I didn’t used to feel discomfort about, and didn’t quite know what to make of it. it felt kind of performative, like maybe now that I’m leaning into this identity I’m feeling some kind of pressure to act more sex-repulsed than I am. but that isn’t it either, because I know there’s a pretty real discomfort there, and it doesn’t necessarily feel like repulsion.

and I think I’m starting to realize that that sense of discomfort stems more from being the odd one out than anything else? I’m perfectly comfortable talking about sex with another aspec friend I have because we tend to boil it down in ways I better understand and relate to. the discomfort tends to come when I’m in a group of my allosexual friends talking about sex or about people they’re attracted to in a way I just genuinely cannot relate to. and I think my assumption used to just be that I would probably feel that way someday, when I met the right person or something. but now that I’ve accepted that I am in fact just asexual, it makes me more uncomfortable knowing that I’m the only one in the group who really can’t relate to the discussion at all.

and honestly this isn’t a feeling that’s exclusive to asexuality at all, I think it’s probably something we’ve all felt at one time or another when we were the only one without a particular experience in a group discussion. but it definitely helped me to figure out why that feeling was there, and to realize that I wasn’t somehow making it up to try to fit myself into the label of “asexual” a bit better. I figured maybe it would help someone else if I talked about it here <3

[totallyace]

[totallyace]

The actual ace aesthetic™ 🍰

[totallyace]

HOLD UP HOW WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS

[totallyace]

After all, there is an entire dimension of the human experience that just doesn’t apply to me.

I found this quote on Aven, 8 years ago after I stumbled on an asexual character in a fanfic I was reading and had- not quite a lightbulb moment. But the suspicion that there was a switch.

It's something that is comforting to me, or calming.

I'm not really a fan of the alien metaphor, but this particular phrase has stayed with me for eight years.

You can find it on Aven still, in their asexual perspectives page- Planet Asexual, by Ones et Nihil.

https://www.asexuality.org/?q=node/39

[totallyace]

My friend, casually: "We probably spend like half our time being horny..."

Me, an asexual: