tomlinluva

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tom wants greg to be his “attack dog” but that’s literally just gonna consist of greg being like “he sai— he said, um… no pickles? and it seems there is, uh, in fact… pickles? like on his burger? if i’m not mistaken”

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Guarding your peace is not selfish.

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sometimes you just gotta read something and say “i literally don’t care” aloud and move on

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"I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy" I would. Pussy

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jess mariano being a bad boy big old softie with a nerdy heart

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#neverforget the time that Bella wore a full length khaki skirt to meet Edward’s family and he basically lost it because he thought she looked so sexy

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god FUCKING damnit im such a hopeless romantic one day someones gonna say “i love you” and im just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

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SARAH & NYLES | PALM SPRINGS (2020)      Dir. Max Barbakow

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ugh i’m so mad i’m going to go home and touch my husband’s tits so i won’t be mad

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Me when 1D announces their reunion tour in 2050

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no rumor will ever be funnier that niall violently masturbating in japan like comedians could try to top it but it just won’t work......

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why would i not belive every single one direction conspiracy . i like to have FUN .

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I have been thinking of the ways we tell people things. My father's hands shake, but he holds the phone up so I can watch the video from six feet away. My mother emails me the recipe of her beef stroganoff at 6 in the morning with the comment - woke up and didn't want to forget to do this! On the highway, we sing so loudly my voice grows hoarse; on the beach I sneak nice rocks into people's hands so they have something to hold, on the floor we all sit quietly in the same agreeable silence. We are all saying the same thing.

My friends say "Oh you know, keeping busy." This means they are having a hard time but making themselves survive it. I ask them to help me walk me dog; this is me telling them it's okay sometimes to just be present and talk about young adult fiction. When I cancel again because I can't get out of bed, she tells me she's on her way with cookies.

I point out the sunset. She shares her fork before I ask for it. He calls me at 1 AM just because I'm on the road alone, we talk about stupid shit. She waits for me to get indoors safely before driving away. He says - nah, forget it, I'm happy to do it for free.

People are saying it, you know? They say it often and loudly. Sometimes, you know - you just have to be listening.