tiredbutnotgivingup05 - Tumblr blog

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

I dreamed of a scenario where I am very happy and enjoy hanging out with those blurry-faced friends I have never met. We are riding in a car, making jokes, and laughing all through the ride. I felt comfortable, and suddenly I had the urge to go home because I thought of my boyfriend, and I told those blurry-faced friends that I needed to go home immediately.

Seeing my phone without a signal brings me a lot of burden because I know that there will be a lot of missed calls and messages that say, "Where are you?! Whose with you?! Why are you so flirty?!". There would be a lot of questions or most of the time wrong accusations. Knowing that I forgot to tell him where I was going and telling it during the time I was doing it would be useless, and it gives me sudden burden and anxiety that whatever I tell him or explain, it would be useless, because even if I am going to tell him prior to what I am planning to do, he will always tell me the opposite and why I don't need to go.

I really felt the sudden burden and anxiety that whatever I tell him or explain, he will always tell me something that he only believes I will be doing. And yes, I am still with this type of person because I was not raised by a father who protects his children, but rather by a father who leaves us and does not take any responsibilities from us. I thought that this was only what I deserved and that walking away would only cause me further problems.

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

I regret everything. I wish I could die early, and if a second life exists, I wish to have a happy family. 

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

Sometimes I want to blame my father for experiencing this kind of life—having to deal with pain, despair, and anger due to wrong decisions in choosing a man.

Sometimes I want to blame him for not staying strong to protect and fight for his family. It seems like my choice with men only mirrors how naive I am to look for someone who deserves me and who respects me, because right now everything in my relationship is a mess.

And I have to deal with it alone because I don't have a father who will listen to me and give me advice on whether I am with the right person or not. And since I am in this situation, I feel like my life is destined to fall for someone who is a manipulator—like my father—rather than a protector. 

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

Why can't we fight? We were clearly being oppressed in our own land. So why can't we fight back?

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

I hate when people judge me only because they can.

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

Walang kwentang karelasyon.

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

I really do not understand those people who have strict religious standards. If your religion does not allow you to have a relationship with someone who has a different belief than yours, then don't fucking do it and run away. Instead of forcing the relationship to work when you know exactly that it will never work the way you expected it to,.

Be mature once and for all.

That is why I hate people who are proud to preach but are not applying it to their lives. Hypocrite.

Kapatid nyo nagkakasala. Pero sinisisi pa yung karelasyon dahil sila dahilan bakit nagkasala sila. WAG MANG GUILT TRIP. Psh. Grow up.

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

They said, "be happy" -- is it really easy to do? Or being happy have something or someone to correlate with? I think.. I lost my sense of happiness it feels unreal.. I am smiling but I am numb inside..

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

Nowadays, I felt...lonely. Even if I am in a relationship, I felt like I am all alone. Maybe, there is something wrong with me or we both have something to work out of this relationship. I don't blame him, I blame myself because this is my choice, this is what I chose to be my life today.. Is that the right thing? Am I being dramatic? Or Is this some kind of sign for me to do something different?

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

If you are not in DENIAL like what you are saying then ask yourself these simple questions :

Did you cheat while in a relationship?

Why did you cheat?

How many times did you cheat?

For you to be able to achieve a genuine forgiveness to someone you've done wrong, be honest with yourself and ACCEPT that you actually did those things and STOP justifying your wrongdoings.

And if you are TRULLY SORRY, confess your sins.

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

Something in the rain? Or something on the rain? Thanksss

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

Some of the people always described me as "keeping anger within", partly, yes. But most of the time I stay quiet to observe how obnoxious and stupid they can be and them noticing I can't be persuaded by those actions and expecting me to be like them.

[tiredbutnotgivingup05]

Feeling exhausted, every step seems heavier than the last.

Yet, deep within, a resilient spirit persists, refusing to surrender to fatigue.

Each wearied breath carries a whisper of determination, a silent oath to keep pushing forward.

The weariness may linger, but the flame of perseverance burns brighter.