tired-n-trying

[tired-n-trying]

[tired-n-trying]

2nd august 2025 ; saturday

💤 8 hrs ; ☀️ 9 a.m. ; 💧 4 glasses (1 L) ; 🎧 the subway - chappell roan

parent-teacher meeting 10 -> 10.30 a.m.

changed phone wallpapers

chem lab record (4 exp.s)

went to temple + ate out (w parents + grandparents)

📖 crime and punishment ; fyodor dostoevsky ; 12 pgs

played couple games chess (for honesty's sake: lost them all)

[ log ~ ] ptm

gonna give a bit of backstory first. had my first periodic assessment (pa-1) in the last week of may, and im gonna be honest, i probably PROPERLY started studying after that. and my scores were TERRIBLE. like genuinely awful, even my usually good scoring subjects - english & psychology. the ptm was scheduled 2 weeks later. i didn't tell my parents about it (not even my scores). i let it just pass. they assumed the results were never given & there was no ptm scheduled. i never corrected them. my class teacher asked me about rescheduling them to meet more than once, in the end i never said anything and she forgot.

then my pa-2 was in the middle of july. got my results within the next 2 weeks. this time my results were much better (if it actually stayed the same or decreased i would fucking crash out), except physics (which stayed the EXACT same) even though i thought i improved in this too.

so b4 my ptm, i told my mom my scores, and on friday i mentioned i "saw my pa-1 papers" and i told her the scores. my mom was shocked to say the least at my previous marks but didn't really push it considering i had a massive improvement (except physics).

then the actual ptm oh boy: quite literally made my dad stay in the car (ik i sound mean & ungrateful but i just cannot deal with the scene i KNOW he would make. he's done it b4 and he'll do it again). now this is where i got really lucky with my mom: my class teacher mentioned smth about missing the previous ptm + my mom was also about to bring it up so i quickly told my mom some half-assed excuse about "oh i forgot/oh i missed it" (class teacher couldn't understand cuz i speak in different language) but my mom saw through my bullshit. fucking grateful tho, she covered for me. said smth like "oh yeah i forgot". and that was that. left in a couple minutes

later my mom pulled me aside tho about this and talked to me, about the lying and hiding and sneaking (cuz yeah valid i did do all that just because i was ashamed), she honestly understood and more than angry she was disappointed. she didn't tell anyone else (including my dad and my grandparents who were staying with us)

[tired-n-trying]

everything is gonna be fine

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🎀🫧 Throwback to my old study space

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1st august 2025 ; friday

💤 7 hrs ; ☀️ 7.30 a.m. ; 💧 5 glasses ; 🎧 paul revere - noah kahan

school 8 a.m. -> 1 p.m.

2 hrs nap

went to temple (w parents + grandparents)

august planning + posting

looked through my old poems

played 2 chess games (won 1)

📖 crime and punishment ; fyodor dostoevsky ; 10 pgs

[ log ~ ] sleep

Again. Thought i'd wake up at 5 lmao & study in the morning. the alarms kept ringing and i woke up multiple times from 5, so again prolly not accurately 7 hrs

[ log ~ ] phy test

Heh. So many ppl were absent + so many ppl begged her to postpone the test. She ended up giving us an "open book test" + told us she'd give another test for the same chapter on wednesday

[ log ~ ] productivity

did NOT do any studying today, going out after school lowk drained me of all my energy, still i tried to do other stuff

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“nobody is making you do this” i am driven by unnatural forces you will never even begin to comprehend

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theflowerhat on ig

excerpt from the original post: this is dictamnus albus—commonly called gas plant. on hot days, it emits a citrusy, flammable oil that briefly ignites when exposed to flame. it’s completely harmless to the plant, but incredible to witness.

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academic dishonesty is not something you can spin as moral lol i do not want to share a career field let alone a social sphere with a bunch of chatgpt using ass bitches

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7/1/2025

Spent the morning trying to get a machine to work... and it did! I'll be working with it more later this month, and it's a bit of a boring yet complicated machine. Then I fumbled my entire experiment in the afternoon!

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PLAN FOR AUGUST

daily :

6-8 hrs sleep

make bed + morning routine (brush teeth, wash face, skincare, etc)

glass of lemon water

stretching vid / exercise vid (alternate between the 2 vids) / try self-defence at home (1 hr - only saturdays)

shower properly

wash hands + pack bag for next day [after school]

journal / leave my house for wtv reason [alternate days]

read 10 pages of book (rn: crime & punishment)

win 1 chess game

1 hr writing (fanfic, novel, poetry, lyrics, short story, blogpost, anything but journalling. js a free hour to write wtv)

studying 3hrs+ (skl days) / 5hrs+ (non skl days)

night routine (brush teeth, wash face, skincare, etc)

daily post on study blog

at least 7 glasses of water

write next day's to-do list

for some it may seem like it's unnecessary to write all of this, some of this is just basic hygiene, but i still prefer to write it all out

mind u, more often than not i'll skip stuff, this is just the daily goal

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31st july 2025 ; thursday

💤 7 hrs ; ☀️ 7.20 a.m. ; 💧 3 glasses

school 8 a.m. -> 1 p.m.

phy [moving charges & magnetism] ncert+notes

📝 total study ; 1 hr 20 min

[ log ~ ] sleepy

Don't think it actually counts as 7 hrs considering I woke up multiple times from 5.30 and actually got out of bed at 7.20-30. left me kinda tired in school

also i haven't drank coffee in the mornings before school for the past couple of days (mainly because im getting 6hrs+ sleep). we'll see if it sticks, i still drink a cup in late afternoon/evening but that's the only time in the day..

[tired-n-trying]

im cooked for tmr and i have no one to blame but myself

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Ishycore

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Im just so frustrated bc it doesnt seem fair that your skills can degrade over time. i LEARNED IT😭

[tired-n-trying]

this is ur reminder not to ignore 11th portions, especially physics !!!

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physics ain't so bad rn nvm