tinydums

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rewatched the notebook. to have the love noah and ali has.

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everytime na kelangan mo lang assurance, wala ka ibang narinig kundi lumubay ka, tumigil ka, wala kang isip, ang lala mo, ang toxic mo, walang nag bago sayo. and that's coming from someone na inexplain mo paulit ulit kung gaano mo kelangan ang assurance. ikaw pa 'tong hindi makaintindi at makarealize. nakakapagod hingin ng hingi ang isang bagay ng paulit ulit. lalo na lagi pinaparamdam sayo na wala kang silbi sa buhay nila. na you're just there existing. andyan o mawala, okay lang, walang pake. walang takot. hindi mo mahihingi sa isang tao ang isang bagay na hindi kayang maprocess ng utak nila. and for someone na mahal mo ng buong buo just to make you feel na para kang pinag titiisan would just make you think kaya pala ganun ka tratuhin. masakit talaga. sobra yung sakit, lalo na kung lagi sya inuuna mo, lahat ginagawa mo, ikaw gumagawa ng paraan, para lang maparamdam sa taong yon kung gano mo sya kamahal. sobrang sakit na ganun lang pala kababaw yung tingin sayo nung taong ang taas ng tingin mo. grabe. pano mo nagawang mahalin yung taong ganon. hindi mo deserve mahalin ng ganon, lalo na kung sobra sobra binibigay mo pero magkamali ka lang, wala ng ibang nakita sayo kundi lahat masasama. mapapaisip ka nalang na wow never ka ba talagang nakita. ganyan siguro talaga pag sobra mong minahal isang tao— para kang aso kung tratuhin. na kahit ano masasamang salita sabihin sayo, alam nila sa sarili nila na mahal mo sila, babalik ka lang din. karma ko na siguro 'to. habang buhay ko dadalhin 'tong karma na 'to.

[tinydums]

WALANG ISIP

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Lagi kong naririnig sayo "kaya ako naging ganto dahil sayo". As if di mo alam gano kalala ginawa mo sakin. Nag kaganto ako dahil sa ginawa mo sakin sana alam mo. Yung ginawa mo sakin, napakalalim na sugat. Ikaw pa 'tong laging may gana sabihan akong kaya ka nagkaganyan dahil sakin. Sarili mo lang din naman ang dapat sisihin.

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“Too many people are trying to find the right person instead of being the right person”

— neckkiss

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why is it not real? // 3.11.2017

[tinydums]

[tinydums]

you know what was the breaking point? all i asked was for you to communicate— to talk to me with sincerity and make me feel you care after everything you said. because your words affected me so much. you have no idea what went on inside my head after you said all those things. but you just shut me down. and the more you ignore me, the more it is i feel all those that was said is true. what kind of person would still want to talk to someone who makes you feel that communicating is a waste of their time. i said so much yet you don't even had the decency to exert effort on your replies even when i told you how your replies made me feel. how hard is it to compose a message with what you feel and make me feel that it's not just words. i might be petty for blocking you but i'd rather do that than keep chasing someone to talk to me when they clearly make me feel like it's exhausting to be with me. if you're done, i'm done. i promised myself one thing, and that's to stop chasing you when you run away from me. it was you who showed disinterest. it was exhausting to keep repeating myself only for you to not process everything i said. and how you're dealing with us right now just proves everything. i'm giving myself time, before this year ends, i'll be out of your life like what i told you. out of your life, out of your friends and family's lives. i owe it to you for making me feel that i was the only one who wanted us to work, who was the only one that took everything about us seriously. but why does it feel like you were just waiting for this moment so i can finally get out of your life?

"Conflict avoided is conflict multiplied.

when we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short term discomfort for long term dysfunction."