timidloner

[timidloner]

ON HOLD

Hello and sorry for not making an appearance for nearly a year. I got sucked into college and then I kept delaying making an update/checking the blog again and again, until now.

I'm alright, things are going well. I have been working on the game from time to time, but nothing major. Still, I don't want to drop it.

Right now, all I plan to do is put the game on hold, and re-vamp it into a small project (maybe 50K words in total) as a way to finish what I started. Though it will be done privately at my own time, so I won't put updates on here.

I'll be finally checking on my messages tonight, and again, I'm truly sorry for my lack of compromise with this project.

[timidloner]

Friday's progress update (23/12/22)

Hello, I know it's Saturday already but hush, I'm here and giving signals of life.

Anyway, I'm still with my extended family and the XV años were great! I should stop here before getting carried away and sharing everything, haha.

And for the progress, well.

See you all later. And Happy Christmas if you participate in it.

[timidloner]

What if instead of trying to kill Joren the mc tried committing suicide? Would he be angry or bubble wrap them to the point where the mc can't do anything for themself?

Yep, bubble wrap. MC would have to find the right moment to go through it without Joren suspecting anything, because if they fail then he not giving them another chance even if it means leaving MC completely tied up to the point they can't move at all.

And more than angry, he would be sad.

[timidloner]

I just wanna say that I truly enjoy the story and cannot wait to know more about Joren <3 Thank you so much for writing and please take care <3<3

Thank you! This was lovely to read, and I'll do my best! Please take care of yourself too!!

[timidloner]

I'm so sorry but when you described Joren the first thought I had was "So he's basically a more buff version of Tarzan" agjsjgsjfs especially the hair reminds me so much of him I'm so so sorry please don't hate me😭

Hahaha! Don't worry, don't worry. I get why you'd think so. His forest man thing and the long hair do evoke Tarzan to mind.

[timidloner]

omg im so tired when i wrote the last ask i hope i didnt accidentally wrote jorden instead of joren AAAAAA IM SORRY - ram

Don't worry about it, but you totally did, jajajja.

[timidloner]

i don't think i have laughed this loudly as i did just now when i saw the fucking jorden/mc pic THE CHAIR IM CRYING LMAOOO FUCK Youre sick for this omg done mc dirty and for what jajajaj and the songs you spoke about sound like bangers, please my liege add them to the playlist and bless our humble peasant ears lolol

the way technically people cheering for jorden stalking could happen somehow? cause imagine jorden picking flowers for mc (to put them in their room after breaking in) and people seeing him and being "aw young love" GOODBYE

good idea!! thats actually how i learned english too (im french for context)(european cheers to the internet WOOOO) but i didnt think of doing the same for spanish, if you have fics recommendations ill take them and muchas gracias !! :,) <3 - ram

FRENCH?! Oh, Ram, we have history together!

I won't pay for that cake!!! Jajajaja!!!

And I live for doing MC dirty, finally, I understand why people like putting their OCs through pain. But they will be happy at the end! Maybe!

Mmm, alright. You've convinced me! I'll add more songs, let not the people say that Lon the First wasn't a benevolent monarch. Jajaja.

It would be so funny! And do you think people would advice Joren how to deal with his feelings too?? Maybe he would even make polls to decide what to gift MC the next time he breaks in visits them.

Joren in any modern setting is so fun to imagine, ahhhh.

Yeah, reading in English is a super hack to learn it fast, I already forgot about a bunch of grammatical rules that my teachers taught me, I write by... Vibes?? From all my experience with fanfics. Just not ask me to speak it, my pronunciation is horrible T_T

And I'll think about any! Most of the fanfics in Spanish are in Wattpad and that's a lawless land I haven't touched since my middle school years. But I'll venture forward!

[timidloner]

I am interested in the sociological perspective!!!

I’ve noticed that all these conventionally attractive white men look the exact same to the point where they’re not really attractive to me anymore, like the only point that makes them attractive to me is finding out a unique thing about their personality!

Hey! I'm glad you're interested, and thank you for waiting as well. I really took my sweet time with your question, but I wanted to find a moment of inspiration. Let's thank Tenoch Huerta for giving me one.

I want to start by saying I'm not a psychologist, social investigator or anything like that, I'm just someone who likes to play as one.

Also, I'm an outsider in a LOT of things. An observer. The English-speaking side of the Internet is very centered around the US, you literally can't escape from it, and I get to know about a lot of things going up there when I'm not even searching for it.

The issues in the US aren't the same as the ones in my country, and the social dynamics at play can be similar, but they aren't the same. It's an experience like this.

(No es un chiste de saquénme de Latinoamérica, pero sí saquénme, pero mejor no, pero si quieren sí, ahh se creen, no lo hagan, pero en realidad—)

I feel interested in this topic because while people these days are generally more open to appreciating different kinds of beauty, it all feels very rigid.

I think it's obvious that white beauty is still the standard, conventionally attractive people are those who no matter their race get close enough to fit inside that box of "fine" features. Or those who possess whatever characteristic (rich) white people have decided that is good enough to trend for now.

Also, I feel like this is something that we have deeply rooted inside ourselves, and it's a process to get rid of it. For example, here in Mexico you grow up hearing that the whiter you look, the better you are.

To say that marrying a paler person than you is seen as a triumph since your children won't be as dark as you. This is just the tip of the iceberg, it's a shitshow.

And that stuff affects how you see yourself and other people, how you decide that one person is more attractive (or worthier) than another is. And I think it's the same in a lot of other places.

So, I think the reason behind why handsome white men people in social media are so similar to each other it just as simple as that they fit and beauty sells.

So, of course we're seeing the same kind of person over and over again, they're who perform best on social media. Everyone has been taught to be attracted to the beauty standard in some way, people will and do gravity toward them.

Also, I think spending so much online, seeing these "perfect" people everywhere, tends to make us feel bad about our unique features, those that differentiate us from each other. Which could let us to try and get rid of them to the point where everyone looks the same.

Not to mention that beauty standards are always moving in and out style, if you change yourself to fit in now, what will you do when it changes again? And again? And again?

The only people who can do that are those with a lot of money and free time, and normally they are the ones dictating what's the trend. Which is why I see beauty standards as a status symbol.

I think it's better to find your own kind of beauty, more than chase trends. Dress how you like, style your hair as you want, do what makes you happy as long it doesn't hurt you or other people.

[timidloner]

Is it possible to add the body type?

That's actually something I'm really thinking about. Right now, it's a maybe leaning strongly to a yes!

I think adding body types would make it easier for me to visualize how certain scenes would play out, make it more immersive and add more details, so I really wanna do it. I just to find a place where to add that customization in a natural way.

[timidloner]

You've made a character I both absolutely love and deeply fear.😭 The whiplash of reading soft Joren asks then reading all the horrorporn is insane!

Haha! That's actually great to hear, even more since Joren isn't even supposed to be the "fear factor" in the IF.

I just really like fictional men to be scary but also evoke a "Poor boy :((, he deserves better :((, let me protect you" kind of vibe.

Also, unrelated but since we're in the topic about scary stuff, I was talking with my dad about (our) religious beliefs and how scary and brutal the Bible really is, and how similar religious horror is to cosmic horror (to me).

That a lot of cultures looked at the sky, and space, and decided that someone or something was up there. And I'm sure all of you have heard about biblically accurate angels.

He told me he doesn't like looking at the night sky for too long, it feels like something is looking right back at him. And I get it, it's like that sensation when you are in a pool or the ocean and you can't see the bottom, that something will pull you into the depths.

Also, the horror stories where demons take the form of saints to deceive believers scare me a lot. Not like those movies like the Nun, I'm talking about paranormal experiences that people share on (Spanish speaking) YouTube channels.

Not to mention what people are capable of doing in the name of their God (or just using it as an excuse to validate their own horrible impulses). Or the kind of guilt the Catholic faith used to produce in me.

Or how doomed it makes you feel.

I could get more into it, but that's kinda why religious horror is the "genre" that scares me the most. I really like it, though!

[timidloner]

I love your IF sm, it just hits all the notes of dark romance/yandere/hp stuff that I enjoy <33 If there are places that we can support you please let us know 🫶

Thank you! This IF is just me making something from all the tropes/kinks I enjoy, so I'm actually lowkey nervous that so many people (for me, lol) are interested as well. But I'm happy too!

And that's super sweet, but I'm not really comfortable with accepting money for my work. I don't think it deserves that for now, maybe later when I become more experienced in writing or when I'm close to finishing it!!

Asks and comments are more than I'd ever dream of!!

[timidloner]

Friday's progress update (16/12/22)

Hello! Hello! Another Friday, I avoided the blog for some days, no reason, just me being fickle, haha. This week I just added 500 words, though T_T

On better news, right now I'm on a bus to Mexico City, going to see my extended family and attending my cousin's quinceaños, so I'm going to answer the asks I've been running away from right now.

And on even better news!!!! Guess who just found an awesome book!!!

ME!! And what you see under my hand and the awesome book is a pillow for my cousin, not her gift, of course, but a pillow for her ceremony before the party.

[timidloner]

Right now I'm in a posada (yay), so I'm just writing this so you guys now everything has been going well. This week I wrote 1k words.

No time for writing a nice announcement, gotta party, I'm afraid.

[timidloner]

wait got it it's like this vine where two people are in a car and one of them goes "WHY ARE WE GOING SO FUCKING FAST WOAHHHHHH" but in a positive way - ram

Jajjaja, I guess that's my creative process. Though I'm usually more organized in everything else, so it's a little unexpected why I get ideas this way!

[timidloner]

i just saw the playlist you made and STOOOOOP ITS SO???? (btw judas by gaga could work for MC towards joren) rolling on the floor more particularly at closer because the lyrics were made for joren ??? its like they made the song for him WHAT these >> :

"I wanna fuck you like an animal I wanna feel you from the inside"

"My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to God"

"(Help me) I've got no soul to sell" and THE REST TOO?? you know you made peak character when a song that good fully works for them!! obsessed with it

i unfortunately don't speak spanish completely but i'm learning how to (i actually have spanish class today so i'm banging my head on the wall AAAAH)(if you ever make a spanish version of the game, ill be the first to play it just to work on my spanish) - ram

THANK YOUUUU, I'm so proud of that playlist, you've no idea!!

I love "Closer", it gives existential crisis, religious guilt, wilderness, and obsession. Top-tier song, most of my fav characters have a similar vibe to it.

I was a bit unsure whether to add it or not since Joren has a religion, but I think it works very well too! And you know what I even like more? You could totally also apply this song to a more unhinged MC!!

NIN has other bangers that could totally fit the vibe of my IF, but I wanted to keep the playlist enjoyable for everyone, so I stayed away from some songs. But I want to share them now!

"Sin" -> You give me the reason, you give me control/ I gave you my purity, my purity you stole/ (...)/ Stale incense, old sweat and lies, lies, lies/ It comes down to this, your kiss, your fist, and your strain

"The Hand That Feeds" -> Just how deep do you believe?/ (...)/ Can you get up off your knees?/ Are you brave enough to see?/ Do you want to change it?/ What if this whole crusade's a charade?

Another thing I really liked was the transition between "Become the beast" and "Howl", it goes from Joren's perspective to MC's (just added Judas, btw).

"Become the beast" last part of the song -> Splinters of my soul/ Cut through your skin/ And borrow within/ Do you feel the hunger/ Does it howl inside?/ Does it terrify you?/ Or do you feel alive?

"Howl" first part of the song -> If you could only see the beast you've made of me/ I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free/ (...)/ You're the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl

You're doing well with your Spanish, you had me wondering if you were a native speaker or not!! And that's a classic, I actually learned so much English through fanfics, so I do recommend reading things in another language to learn faster.

Buena suerte con tus clases, Ram <3!!

[timidloner]

joren better be prepared, porque mi MC is going to be the biggest simp for him

He'll have the best, most awkward time of his life.

[timidloner]

i love how joren is a yandere but depending on the attitude of MC, it can become domestic which is awesome.... we need more of that "he's little deranged but he's mine" heart eyes (cause often in yandere game, you either become a victim or you have to fix them which sucks, what if i want to embrace the insanity?)

i just had this realization by the way that if twitter was a thing in your game, joren would probably tweets stuff like "my girl is mad at me, i hope i die" or "her liking other men before we knew each other existed doesn't sit right with me..." while the moon and the church would have him muted

the long sword discussion is fantastic because first "he carries it on his left side, he's right-handed, so he reaches across to draw it" hear me out on this, if he does the movement, his arm will come to squeeze against his chest for a bit while also flexing itself with the move of the muscles ok no cause if he holds his sword with his two arms too it will be like the trend where people would press their elbows together if you see what i mean......... joren getting ready to fight, very serious while MC is just staring at the man like a tormented person (never allow joren to wear a v-cut, he would be too much of a menace) and the other thing is joren would reach for fruits with his sword right? what if instead of using a multiuse tool, he just uses MC? like carrying them up on his shoulders so they can grab what they need (lion king style, short MCs are going to be flying in that case LMAOAOAO better hope for joren they dont have a height complex)(it would give the energy you find in videos where big servals try to calm small cats that are hissing at them) - ram

Yeah! I want it to be a large range of endings for the IF, from insane to domestic <3

I've no idea how the people on twitter act, other than they're fighting 24/7, but I love that idea anyway, haha. It would totally be an anonymous account and it'd be filled with all his thoughts about MC across the day, what he likes about them, how they looked that day, and how was their day... kinda like a diary.

The people that'd follow him would think they already know each other, that they're friends, while Joren is still in his stalker phase.

I'm now kinda obsessed with this. They'd be cheering for this deranged man without knowing the truth. Nice.

I just searched for the trend, and aww, to have the problems of big-chested people T_T. And I'm not sure if him holding the sword with both hands would be enough to make his chest stand out, I think it isn't the case, but we can dream!!

AHH, he'd be such a tease with a V-cut, you know that shirt/robe would be just about to reveal a nipple, bordering on that. Also, let me stray away from the topic, and maybe this is a bit specific, but I'd love to write a scene where dom!MC fucks Joren's pecs if they have a dick.

And another sudden change on my part, but AWW, that'd be so cute!! The simple life, going to pick fruit, eating it, and then taking a nap under the shade of a tree.

Haha!! It would really go like that. He'd even offer them the sword so MC is the one picking the fruit while he catches it.

And omg, I just got more thoughts for a modern setting. Joren would totally let MC take pictures like this if they wanted (even as a running joke), the part inside the frame is what both of them would post everywhere. And a potential wedding photo would totally also look like this.