thundercheeks21-blog

[thundercheeks21-blog]

So what now?

What do I do now? How do I deal with these emotions and this love I still have for her? How can one feel so pathetic? I fought so hard, so hard that it kills me. Once I finally trusted someone to be with me and love me for who I am, it ended. How can someone say such pretty words and promises and failed at it all. How can she tell me she'll never leave & will never give up on us. How do I tell my parents that I put through hell that we couldn't last. How can I forget? A year and a half down the drain and it gives this painful feeling in my chest. We were so happy 2 weeks ago and just like that it's over. Just like that she made the decision for the both of us. I cried and cried and this feeling won't go away. Here I repeat the same emotions that took me 4 years to trust again. How can people be so cruel and so selfish? How can people say the words " I love you" if you aren't capable of fixing and fighting for love. How can I move on now? Our time capsule that we never dug is still sitting in my living room and I couldn't resist reading the letter she wrote for me that I was supposed read 5 years from now. I cried even more. It tore me into pieces, It broke ever inch of my heart. But it's a lesson for me that I deserve better even though I still want her. What do I do now? The cuddles and movies, the Taco Bell/ice cream runs, the baecays, the sneaking out of my house to sleep at hers are over. The bunny teeth that I love doesn't want to try again and it hurts beyond. The daydreaming of us getting married was just an illusion. She will never know the feeling of a heart break. How can she continue hurting people? When can she just stop and fight for once? I'm broken and dead inside