thoughtsdonmatter

[thoughtsdonmatter]

i reblog.

And you, when you're sad, who do you tell?

[thoughtsdonmatter]

destined to chase sunsets in different skies.

[thoughtsdonmatter]

so, i'm tired. i'm tired of it all. i'm tired of remembering, i'm tired of waiting. when is it my turn to be yearned? when is it my turn to be loved unconditionally without any filters or asterisk attached to it. and some day in the snow, i'll wait for you. frostbites worth it, i'll wait for you. if you need a dramatic arrival, i'll wait for you.

[thoughtsdonmatter]

[thoughtsdonmatter]

my life is at a point where my head is never silent, its an ongoing noise, chaos, my peace is in the chaos, in the uninterrupted noise. silence never lasts, it never does. there is always going on, something or the other, i am always consumed.

[thoughtsdonmatter]

trust that everything will fall into place without you forcing it there.

[thoughtsdonmatter]

why tf am i still checking if she sees my story? also, are you alive? helloo?

[thoughtsdonmatter]

i keep saving romantic posts to my profile, hidden to be found, i’ve got collections now. title, “since”. i’ve got genres of desperation, to be seen, to be known. i clench my fist, my heart tightens when i see a new post captioned, “well, hold on, my darling.”

saved.

[thoughtsdonmatter]

i get it.

i get it, i do. so many things can change in an year someone said, so many things did change in a year, the clouds less blue, sun more bright, days longer, nights calmer. the crevices of my heart expands every time i stretch my cheek to express joy. more confident, more love. you left, and i thought of disappearing into the void, someone shouted my name, a light appeared, the young version of me being held by the future version with a torch. shining so bright i walk toward it, letting you go was one of the hardest and one of the best things i did to help meet my self. gentler love, peaceful evenings filled with orange hue basking in eternal sunset, the world seems more friendlier, i seem... myself. free from the cage..

[thoughtsdonmatter]

nothing hurts more than seeing yourself in the same situation again after getting better for a while

[thoughtsdonmatter]

nothing hurts more than seeing yourself in the same situation again after getting better for a while

[thoughtsdonmatter]

sun meets your eye.

you love to watch the sunrise, you stay up all night talking about it, describing how you would feel when the hue of orange hit your cheeks, how your eyes would shine, glowing, radiant with full of life.

i look in to your eyes, you have lit up my universe, glowing like a candle in a glass.

you stay up all night talking about sunrise and fall asleep missing it, again.

but thats okay, sun is the lucky one. the radiance defeat once sun meet your eye would make it burst into a dwarf star.

know you'd be sad once you wake up only to realise the sun has set, look at me, look at my eyes, see you glow, see the light, see the refelction and how it lights up.

[thoughtsdonmatter]

oh to be human..

oh to be human.. to be loved intensely, to be devastatingly heartbroken. to be held till you feel everything that is to be felt, to let go something you really loved. to listen to your favorite song again, to cry until your heart gives out. to smile, to watch the sunrise, the fresh blossom blossoming, to be in the sunlight, to be warm again, to feel yourself. to be in pain, to grieve, to be in the rain till the tears and the raindrops unite to console you, to be lost and be found again. oh to be human.. its so tiring waiting, waiting for the storms to wither away, waiting for good things to happen, to watch the sunrise again, waiting for to be seen and be loved, be held, to be never abandoned. its so graceful, to watch you grow up into the adult you desperately wanted to be when you were a kid only to be a kid again. the endless cycle of never being satisfied in the now, romanticising th e future diluting it with anxiety and fear, to reminiscence about your past pairing it with immense guilt and regret. knowing you couldve done better, but never letting it go to ruin your present by the same mistakes. oh to be human.. scared to die, but living as a corpse. giving up on hope, giving up on love, giving up on yourself. oh to be human.. is it worth it?

[thoughtsdonmatter]

whatever is meant go wrong, WILL GO WRONG.

[thoughtsdonmatter]

.. fire.

burning, chaos erupts.

fumes hide beneath.

cigarettes lit, lost count.

its warm, heartbeat beaten to the heat.

cold coffee sweats in my grip.

droplets, drop-less.

sun shines, eyes take the blame.

dry vision, lost the path.

i try to search for the fire again,

burnt incense just to burn.

like a moth to flame, i accept my fate.

i crave the embrace, fire to hold me,

burn me, to the ground i settle.

black mold all over,

creases all over me,

i feel my heart, fingers burnt.

hand greasy, heart messy.

the coffee bitter, i search for the ice,

melted, entangled in the bitterness.

i taste death, sweet.

i taste life, sour.

both bitter. never satisfied the thirst.

someone screams behind the shadows,

“who broke you”, they ask hiding beneath,

i scream back,

“coffee. black burnt coffee”..

i step out. chasing the sun, i am icarus.

shadows follow, i keep up the pace,

shadows abandon, let me be icarus.

[thoughtsdonmatter]

but the thing is, how do you do it though? when all your life has been melded into this frequencies. i never asked for it. i want my frequency to be positive and less negative, but i am being consumed and force fed bad frequency.

how do you change the frequency. sometimes i just think the murphy law is sewed onto me. things go wrong, things go right, but when things go wrong, it never seem to go right. its easy to say change the channel, how? how do you do it? how do you suddenly change the frequency?

[thoughtsdonmatter]

i want a love to fundamentally kill me if i lose you. i want a love where i would go into insanity. i crave a love where i learn a new language only to impress you, not to expect anything in return. i dont want to expect anything, i dont want to care if you love me or not, i just want to love you, regardless of you loving me. fight with the world for you, burn it, throw it in flames for you. a love where i beg you to take me back, i am not praying, i am longing. please.