thoughts-of-an-english-major

[thoughts-of-an-english-major]

idc how hard you try you will NOT get me to stop using snorted in my dialogue. i will always use growled and choked and hissed and huffed and grunted and breathed and frowned and sniffed and scoffed and spluttered and purred and snickered and exhaled and whimpered and smiled and laughed and sneered and frowned

i love you words that indicate sound and tone i love you poetics i love you dialogue tags they will never take you away from me i love you i love you i love you

[thoughts-of-an-english-major]

—The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde

[thoughts-of-an-english-major]

just a friendly reminder that june 6th, 1218 b.c. was identified as the day patroclus was killed by hector in the trojan war. patroclus died 3240 years ago today.

[thoughts-of-an-english-major]

I carry a book I finished two days ago in my small purse because I’d told a friend I’d lend it to her. I restart it on the train, mostly to get away from eyes that terrify me, but also to return to the version of me who’d not read it yet; this book that I came to love. I change trains and can’t find a seat, so I sway around with my nose still in the book, not caring if I give off the idea of pretentiousness. I run into a bookstore and buy it for my friend, who I’m helping move out of her and her ex’s apartment and into a space where she can be free. I only brought the book with me in case I couldn’t find it again, because I always intended for her to own it, too. I think she’ll like it. Her first new book in her new home, with a card I quickly scribbled in to give with it. A part of me all for her, but with her own experience ahead of her.

We talk, she and I and our friend and her friends I came to love. We drink and eat pizza and act like people in their 20s should. It’s been a while since I was young. I felt a part of something, just like the main character in the book I took back home and put back on my shelf.

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hi i would like to live in this style thank you and goodnight

The truth is the truth no matter how many turns you give it. CassandraJean

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i am but a small dog, shifting with the sun to chase the warmth of its rays through the window within the confines of my freezing office

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creative writing’s just like yeah sure i can deal with my issues i just need to cover them in several layers of metaphors first

[thoughts-of-an-english-major]

[thoughts-of-an-english-major]

“You don’t believe in anything.”

“I believe in you.”

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the feminine urge to send a :) in a professional email

[thoughts-of-an-english-major]

Types of government - Writing tips

Democracy - decisions by voting, whether electing a new leader or law

Dictatorship - a single, self-chosen ruler with strict limits and specific laws

Empire - ruled by an emperor. may be composed of different states, countries, or even kingdoms (in which case the emperor would have higher rank than king). emperor has absolute say.

Monarchy - ruled by a king, could be a country or kingdom part of that empire. leadership is chosen by succession (who was born next within a certain family)

Oligarchy - power is given to certain people, of a certain higher status—whether military, monetary, or titular

Federation - states or provinces that each have their own government and share a collective one, that holds more power than the provinces' government

Confederation - like the above, but the collective government holds less power

Republic - a state in which supreme power is held by the people and their elected representatives, and which has an elected or nominated president rather than a monarch.

Theocracy - a system of government in which priests rule in the name of God or a god.

Bureaucracy - a system of government in which most of the important decisions are made by state officials rather than by elected representatives.

Socialism - a political and economic theory of social organization which advocates that the means of production, distribution, and exchange should be owned or regulated by the community as a whole.

Communism - a political theory advocating class war and leading to a society in which all property is publicly owned and each person works and is paid according to their abilities and needs.

Colonialism - the policy or practice of acquiring full or partial political control over another country, occupying it with settlers, and exploiting it economically.

[thoughts-of-an-english-major]

So everyone is talking about Jonathan Harker from Dracula being really unaware of the fact he’s in a horror novel, probably due to that Dracula daily thing. So now I got to defend my boy.

So the vibe I’ve always gotten from the opening bit with Jonathan was less “the character who doesn’t realize what genre they are in” and more “huh, these sure are a lot of horror red flags. Odd. But this is the real world so I’m just being paranoid. Now I’ll continue with what I was doing- huh, weird. That’s another horror flag. Mina will love hearing about how odd this trip has been so far”

But then he just keeps tripping over horror flags until he eventually realizes he actually IS in a horror novel.

I actually find this a much better alternative to the oblivious horror protagonist trope, because obviously if a real person started encountering horror red flags like that in the real world they would be creeped out but ultimately continue with their day because this is the real world and real people don’t get eaten by monsters. Sure, some of us would just nope right out of there because we aren’t taking that chance. But ultimately Jonathan isn’t a superstitious person, so while he notices the bad omens accumulating around him he dismisses them at first because to do otherwise would be foolish in his mind. Especially because if he just leaves without an actually good reason he’ll probably be fired from what is presumably a very well paying job. I mean he’s literally being paid to go meet foreign royalty and help them buy some property. If I was sent to help the queen of England purchase an American beach house I couldn’t just leave and tell my boss that the queen definitely wanted to eat me, that would be crazy.

So tl:dr cut my boi Jonathan some slack. It’s not that he’s unaware he’s in a horror novel. It’s that he’s unaware he’s a fictional character in the first place.

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erik be like christine is afraid of me because of my face. my brother in christ you kidnapped her

[thoughts-of-an-english-major]

Hey, did you know that Gaston Leroux’s Phantom of the Opera novel is available free on Wikisource or Project Gutenberg? Did you also know that it is completely gloriously bugfuck bonkers?

When the ballerinas are talking they hear a noise outside, and the head ballerina goes to check it out with the knife she always has, straight up ready to stab a ghost

The phantom shows up at the dinner party between the new and old managers and nobody says anything because they all think he's with the other guys

He doesn't have any dramatic entry to the masquerade ball - he's just wandering around in a cape with DON'T TOUCH THIS GUY embroidered on it in gold, and when somebody does he grabs them and glares at them, because come on, man, my cape asked you to do one thing

The phantom’s name is Erik. We know this because my dude is constantly talking about himself in the third person like an anime imouto

Ever wonder why there's suddenly a horse in the musical? Turns out it's because he just fuckin' steals one. Dude gets himself a basement horse.

His lair is a house on an underground lake with specifically surreal "middle-class" decorations. Dude has, like, cabinets from Pottery Barn

Except for his own room, which is all in black, and where this goth motherfucker sleeps in a literal coffin because "One has to get used to everything in life, even to eternity"

Dude goes out shopping and makes lunch. Christine specifically talks about eating some shrimp and a chicken wing that he'd set out like fuckin' Pagan Min

Christine has way more spine and agency than in the musical. Erik doesn't just randomly decide to bring her back from the first abduction; she deliberately butters him up over two weeks to convince him she'll come back if he lets her go

Then when Raoul demands to know where she's been she's like buddy I was at the corner of Nunya and Business

It's also her own idea to stay so Erik can see her sing on stage one more time

Erik's eyes specifically glow in the dark. This is relevant because one night Raoul thinks he sees glowing eyes out on the balcony. He tries turning the light on and off a couple times, and they're still there, and not answering when he calls out. So he is sure it's the Phantom and shoots him with a gun. There's some blood and Raoul's brother is like dude you shot a cat, and it's never mentioned again, so I guess there really is a cat out there with a scar and a very weird story

The phantom claims that the chandelier just did that

And that's before it gets really insane.

[thoughts-of-an-english-major]

I know everyone says adverbs are the devil but “said softly” is an ENTIRELY different thing than “whispered” and I will DIE on this hill

[thoughts-of-an-english-major]

“Plot springs from character… I’ve always sort of believed that these people inside me- these characters- know who they are and what they’re about and what happens, and they need me to help get it down on paper because they don’t type.”

— Anne Lamott

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gosh maybe i should write something