those-quirky-quotes - Tumblr blog

[those-quirky-quotes]

Last night, I dreamed there was this really popular youtube channel called “WolfpackDan”, and it was a guy who literally lived with a pack of wolves in the forest, just documenting daily life.

Now, I need you to understand that Dan was not some sort of Coyote Peterson type. He looked and dressed like someone who would pretend to get drunk off of non-alcoholic beer and say “bruh” unironically. He looked like the “bro I am straight up not having a good time” guy. But there he was, literally living in the forest with a wolf pack, recording and uploading videos with his phone.

One of his videos opened with him talking to the camera about “yeah, the pack went hunting today and just made a kill”. He turned his wrist to pan his phone over his shoulder, where four wolves are pinning down and tearing into a whitetail buck who is two gasps away from death.

“We’re actually hoping to make two kills today,” he added, panning his phone the other way to show two more wolves latching onto a second deer. “The Old Lady’s pups are growing really fast and it’s getting harder to provide for them. Once they can join the hunt, that’ll be a huge weight off everyone’s shoulders.”

He panned back to the first deer, where the wolves were now tearing into the meal. “I’m really hoping they’ll leave the pelt on this one intact,” he said. “I need a new cape. Winter is coming, guys.” 

The last shot of that video was him running through the trees with the pack, with a still-bloody deer hide draped over his shoulders.

I can’t remember any more of his specific videos, but the gist I got from them was that he actually was a contributing member of the pack (hence the “we”) and had been raised at least partially by the wolves themselves. Not sure how they raised him into this dudebro-looking twenty-something with a name like Dan, but they did?

Where did he get his phone? How did he pay for his data? Who taught him English? Why did he dress like that?

I have so many questions for WolfpackDan.

[those-quirky-quotes]

Looking at this for the first time in 5 years and, some thoughts:

-like. Half of these are good. The others do not hold up

-JESUS the formatting fucking sucks I was a newb

-I tagged my intro post as cringe; how dare I, cringe culture is dead and can fuck off

[those-quirky-quotes]

When writer friends argue: Person 1: aghhhhh, you would be so cute together! I'm writing a book about you two! Person 2: awe, I'm so glad I could do for you what you've done for me~ Person 1: wha-what!? Person 2, irate: yeah. Maybe I'll even make it a love triangle, now Person 1: oh yeah? Well you can have a harem! Person 2, smirking: well, if you're trying to make it accurate. Person 1, fuming: Mine'll be lit erotica! Person 2, shrugging: you think mine isn't? Person 1, surprised: really?! Person 2: well, it is now

[those-quirky-quotes]

Person 1: Here, I know how you like your coffee. Bitter, like you. Person 2: funny, I was sure you were going to say 'black, like my soul'. Person 1: You know, you like to think your edgy, bu- no, wait, your defiantly a square.

[those-quirky-quotes]

Person 1: You were pretty damn good at that, too~ Person 2: I just /killed/ a man and your flirting with me? Alternatively, Person 2: I just killed a man for flirting with me what the /fuck are you doing/??

[those-quirky-quotes]

A body builder's motto being "why sulk when you can add bulk??"

[those-quirky-quotes]

Person 1: Since when do you care so much about my health? Person 2: I care for you, and your health is important. Person 1: Your dead. Literally. I don't think you can preach.

[those-quirky-quotes]

CEO: He's good at his job. At least he would be, if I knew what he was doing! Other employee: ...

[those-quirky-quotes]

Person 1, going up to their ex: you know what they say Person 2, the shitty ex: Uhmm-- Person 1: you break it you buy. Person 2: what the f-- Person 1: so why aren't my therAPY SESSIONS PAID FOR?!

[those-quirky-quotes]

Person 1: So, what do you know about fighting indoors and enclosed spaces? Person 2, looking away: ...you're gonna have a bad time.

[those-quirky-quotes]

Hey, all! I'm Sydney and I tend to day dream a lot and this leads to some strange, but excellent imaginary quotes! I usually just send them to my dear friend and pester her, but I was recently told I should make a blog for them. This is as much a storage space for me as it is anything else. Yeah, because I'd hate to forget any of these gems.