thisisyeehaw

[thisisyeehaw]

they won't tell you this in therapy but sometimes the best way to stop catastrophizing/anxiety is to interrupt your spiraling with "girl what the hell are you talking about"

[thisisyeehaw]

[thisisyeehaw]

is he someone i am truly in love with or is he just my boyfriend?

I want to believe that he's my boyfriend because i love him but the thing is, I have started falling in love with him now, after he became my boyfriend. I broke my method for him, the whole first i fall for the person then i decide to date them but this time i definitely was strongly attracted towards him before i dated him but im not sure if i can say I loved him and if I'm not sure then i have my answer that i did not love him then, and i just decided that let's just date him, there's no harm in doing that. im a mature person and if im feeling like dating him, i should listen to that feeling, not do anything rash and continue. But now im falling for him more and more and i feel like he likes me less and lesser than before. his efforts have reduced, the way he talks to me has changed. unless it's something important he probably sees no point in talking to me. i take out time to talk to him, even if I'm swamped with work, i just don't care about the world when he calls me, and i give him the time he needs but i know he won't do that for me. he just won't. but maybe it's me who is expecting too much. i think what im doing is abnormal and what he's doing is normal, like that's the way a healthy person must operate. am i unhealthy then? will i always be unhealthy, will he not have the privilege of dating a healthy person and im his first girlfriend so this must mean something to him right? am i ruining it for him? will he leave me? i feel like he's about to leave me soon. the 3 month mark is close, he'll realise I'm not worth it.

[thisisyeehaw]

ignorance is

[thisisyeehaw]

Yes and I know that happens, I can Feel it.

Marina Tsvetaeva, On Love

[thisisyeehaw]

finally over him....i guess

[thisisyeehaw]

~ Augusto Cury

[thisisyeehaw]

I'm on the bus right now, traveling to work. Listening to taylor swift's innocent. Speak now has become a beloved album, I love it. i feel a little helpless right now. work is boring, i ask myself the scary question - why am i doing this? and I'm too scared to think of answers. He kissed someone else. It's over between us. It was over long ago, i made it clear that I didn't want a relationship. And he respected my decision. I told him i wanted to be friends, but the contact kept reminding me that i broke up and we kept going back to flirting, acting like we're together, he made me feel guilty about talking to other guys and i felt jealous that he had so many female friends even though i never tried to make him feel bad about it. i hate myself right now because I've made a series of bad decisions. but there was somehow some discipline in this. I didn't give in to my desire to be physically involved. I respected the sanctity of a friendship, a platonic one. I had blocked him suddenly because i felt too too bad that the friendship was ending. instead of trying, i ran away. I left him. I think i made a huge mistake. I was completely in love and as it has ended now, I still feel that I'm in love. Maybe it's just the grief of a lost relationship but i really do feel completely filled with love for Him. why did i do what i did. why couldn't i commit. what do i do to not have commitment issues? i don't know, i want to change. I want to work on myself. i had decided to exercise this morning but i just didn't have it in me to wake up so early. tomorrow I'll try again. or i should go for a walk after work. I'll talk to my dad about this. I'll tell him that I feel like i love aryaman. he'll be angry with me because of the disrespect i showed myself but he'll appreciate me sharing this with him. I guess.

oh god i missed my stop. wtf.

today is so miserable. it's been a series of misfortunes since morning. did not wake up on time. i cried in front of my sister. i forgot to tell the bus conductor that I'll be paying online so he drew a ticket for cash and i had to ask another passenger for cash to pay. then i missed my stop. now I'm hopefully on the right bus. god i pray this day only goes better now.

anyway, I'll stop typing now so that i can focus on the route and not miss my stop again.

bye and may you all have an amazing day today/tomorrow.

[thisisyeehaw]

I'm going through a break-up right now. This is my first break-up because this is the first time I fell in love. I truly believe that you only fall in love once. Is there anyone who has fallen in love twice? Please tell me it's possible. I feel I can't love this way again. I don't think I'll get this love again. After this break-up I've constantly been relapsing, unblocking him, calling him, asking to meet. We might meet on 6th, I told him where i work so he'll show up there, at least he said he would. He said we'll meet like friends, have a proper closure and it'll be the end. But will it? Will it really be the end? Even if it's true, I don't want to meet him knowing it'll be the last time I'll see him and the last time I'll talk to him. We were together for 4 years. I'm only 20. I am not able to deal with this properly but I'm also too proud to fall into something like depression or take a break in life or try to recover by crying and stuff. I am just going on with my life. He has already moved on, I haven't. I don't know what to do. Would appreciate some advice if you have any. Let me know if falling in love once again is possible.

~ Meredith Grey

[thisisyeehaw]

[thisisyeehaw]

they should make it easier

[thisisyeehaw]

gay sex will not fix this situation. honestly, it'd probably make it worse. that being said i think we should give it a shot anyway

[thisisyeehaw]

shoutout to waking up and opening the window to let the sun in

shoutout to earth tones. shoutout to vegetable soup. shoutout to music drifting in through an open window

[thisisyeehaw]

no, no. these are horrors beyond your comprehension. i understand them, though. i desire them carnally.

[thisisyeehaw]

[thisisyeehaw]

it's too noisy on here everyone get out your books we're doing silent independent reading

[thisisyeehaw]

a greek chorus which just shouts “oh shit” at relevant intervals