thisgirlcantalk-blog

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I ran my first ever 5k

10 weeks ago I set myself the challenge of running a marathon next year - Running is so far out of my comfort zone, it is something I am totally crap at BUT challenge is the best thing for development so here I am running my first race (5K)...

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#kittens #pets #lesbianswithcats

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Coming out

10 year old me at sleepovers used to BUZZ when the girls wanted us to share sleeping bags, get mega excited when we changed in the same room and used to make stories up about all the boys she fancied. For as long as I can remember I’ve been gay.

Fast forward 3 years... Crop tops, shaved legs, make up and boys showed an interest. ‘Gay’ was used as an insult and during P.E the ‘popular’ girls would shame the girls who loved football claiming that they were ‘pervs’ in the changing rooms (when secretly it was me checking their new Tammy girl bras out)

The boys that showed an interest were always really good looking, great cover stories!

13 years old and goodbye virginity because how could a girl who was shagging about just after she had started her period possibly be a Lesbian? I slept with boy after boy after boy seeking that ‘amazing’ thing that people talked about when they spoke about sex.

AND THEN 15 years old, New Year’s Eve and I got wasted with my best friend at the time (we are still super close) we went on MSN webcam to some boys from school they asked us to kiss (because lesbians are hot) and we did, suddenly I got this huge burning in between my legs I had never felt anything like it, we went off webcam, one thing led to another and there it was my first ever orgasm 🙌🏻 I had found that AMAZING thing that everyone was talking about AT LAST...

A few more years past, countless boys (and secret girls) bedded, college, uni all went past and then I met HER and just like that everything I had always wanted fell into place, we started dating, fucking (fireworks) and suddenly ‘coming out’ didn’t seem all that scary anymore... how wrong was I!

You see I came from a household where my parents would turn the T.V off when a same sex couple were shown. I’d always believed that my family couldn’t turn their backs on me but I fast became the person in the family that wasn’t spoken about, the embarrassment, outcast.

All of the rejection didn’t seem so bad because I had my girlfriend, it was all fine until 2 years later when she left.

But that’s a different story ...

[thisgirlcantalk-blog]

Semi Colon

Today I had my second counselling session. Why am I having counselling? Well I’m depressed I have been for a long time and there’s no real trigger or reason, I guess I’m just one of those unlucky chemically imbalanced people.

When I say there’s no real reason for my depression obviously there have been elements of my life that have lead my mental health down a rocky old path and so at points I’ve been more ‘crazy’ than others BUT depression has been about the only constant in my life for as long as I can remember, kinda like that really annoying friend who you’ve known for years and have nothing in common with anymore but you’re still attached in some way.

Today I spoke to my Counseller about how I feel like I am the only one who isn’t able to balance life, like how does everyone keep friends, family, clean houses, pets, partner, sex, fun, careers, exercise, healthy eat and just be really balanced and ok with it all!! I can only juggle one plate at a time and it makes me feel weak! Whilst we were talking I had a realisation that probably people can’t handle it all but in reality no body talks about it and how they truly feel so I figured writing it down and sharing my struggles would help others like me.

I am going to try and write on a daily basis and share my stories, I’ll talk about the good days and the bad, the struggles I face as a gay girl, my weight loss struggles, my battles with over eating, my exersice struggles and everything else in between.

I hope someone finds comfort in this;